There are times in all our lives when we look back in astonishment at our part in events. The astonishment is we were even part of something, that we had a part to play, that we might dare to be so bold to involve ourselves as witless fools in some perfidy.

No one enjoys being found out, no one enjoys the tatters of integrity being worn as if a shroud has been ripped from our truthful bones, only remnants remain to hide our shameful inner being.

We are human and we make our mistakes in life. We make bolder and bigger mistakes the bigger the risks we apply to ourselves and others. For indeed we don’t often float into dangerous territory alone, we are often aided and abetted by like minded and equally involved accomplices.

There is nothing we can do to reverse that risk taking we have evoked, the actions leading to our experience and memories of things and times we might wish to correct, to revise and in our revision blot away from our minds eye and public scrutiny, to deny it was us and avoid the sentence we may impose from inside as the outside world condemns us for our folly.

We play with every match known to light our way to enlightenment. And with a torch lit, there is surely a burning to be found in some part of what we do. And in our practice learn not to hold ourselves too close and be burned as if like moths to flames, to perish in heat and pain.

Being found out is no fun inside ourselves and outside where the world can cast their judgment on our learning minds. In essence we are averse to great shames of life, mere learning if we characterise our folly so. And when we feel the heat of mistaken risks and events unfold to show our errors, we hide them best we can from inside as well as out, admission hurts our ego and ego’s drift to cover is complete in dark and secret connivances we make inside our heads.

Our bargain with our devil, that we may hide our woe, that we will redeem ourselves if only we can cover up our miscreant ways, our torrid actions which inflame that inner heat and shame of knowing. Knowing we are culpable and open to this torture.

Is it always so? Not always for we can learn from our mistakes and make good and restore ourselves and learn from experience and add to our wisdom of those things we reject. If we are enabled and allowed of course.

Our learning world so unforgiving of everything and anything, it does not help us with our living. Our mistakes so public and the opportunity given to find ourselves open to a critical world, it does not help our cause to make our living well, or living easy.

In our nature we have shame delivered as a way to show our folly, to educate and make us see the worry of complicity and darker acts against ourselves and others who will measure us by their knowledge and experience.

Our good friend denial helps us with its gift. Nature gave way to lies in our way of coping with our desperate times. Denial an old and friendly process helps to mask those horrid truths we experience all too often when we stray from truth and certainly, and pleasure drives our risks.

Our denial of death is keenly used and effective when our grief is most profound and handy when we fix ourselves to moderate our harsher moments. Denial runs easy for our needs to help the truth seep through and permeate at some time to come, when we can stand its touch.

Yes and denials may last a lifetime. For some acts and experience are so hard to get to truth, the truth is forever to be hidden and only understood by history, as history has distance from our lies and smothering of reality in case the consequences snuff us out as likely we have snuffed our experience and pushed its dust away. It was not me, it was not us and we were merely passengers, our culpa was never there and our truth is held a denial for all to see as other eyes perceive, we merely hide our shame and guilt to save our ego’s drift from honesty and ruin.

Although it feels we may be right and denial is wisdom as we argue our culpability. We know somewhere inside ourselves that we were present and participate in our shame, or why else would shame prevail. We know deep inside our shift from right and the wrongs are growing and we cover and we run, we cannot hide from our insides out, yet fixing we might ask ourselves if we might escape the gaze of truth. We plan our getaway.

We run, we hide, we fear the door and as we hear the truth is knocking, we hide some more and deploy our lies, and denial is prevalent as we speak. Don’t say another word, or we might be caught in a trap, as truth unfolds and lies reveal our integrity is gone.

Of course as we might speculate these dire times and strongest hurts, we assume as good conscience may drive our will, that others feel as us.

Not so!

Most we know have codes to live and conscience binds our wildest ways. We live by rules and etiquette in built from natures touch and what we learn as we grow up, our nurturing keeps us safe from woe. No so for everyone.

Not so, for amongst us dwell those who hear the pull to conscience and reject its voice to common good. As selfish ways and obsession drive the madness of singularity, good conscience voice is lost inside and our devil sits installed and ready to excuse our crimes. No shame for them as shamelessly, exploiting all they perceive, as will is paramount and common good is lost to touch.

Not so that presence where denial is used and excuses made as we cope. Not so as there is nothing to deny as wicked devils make their goodness felt and let our common good die as if it were never there. Lost to selfish devilry, and unashamed in plunders made. We see denial completed as if denial were never there to argue for good conscience in our experience of life.

Not so for those who never learn the creed of man or humanity. Mea culpa is not used to argue that we learn and make good our commonality. Devils play and hardest outcomes exclude our devils minds or they prevail to torture till they die, their host and all who get too close.

They never see, they never feel the hurt and inflictions they entail, or give up their culpa to the losses that they make. And harshest judgments made by those who feel the pain of those so blessed and blind to judgments they might make on their conduct and their crimes.

It was just the way back then. We might examine as we learn the best of what we can do, and let denial make us see as truth unfolds through time.

We are truly blessed if we find our way and back on the path where redemption helps us find our place and way. Redemption is a man made track to help us see our truth, and redemption helps us gain our wisdom as good conscience might dictate.

And to consequences felt, as denial is unravelled and integrity in truth is found again, we find our shame is less and less, our living to the good restored, if only we can make it so, and not become our victim to a history we might revise and hide. In hiding we are lost to time, in honesty and speaking truth we pass our wisdom on to future times. Where we stand tall in confidence and let go our shame as we modify our outlook and our way of living.

For those who cannot let the past enable and restore our balance, where denial lives on and on, our breaking is complete. And our passage to our grave remains as if we hide ourselves in case we are found out.

And ego’s drift completes our turn at life. And to chances where redemption puts us back and restores our opportunity, it holds only to our good if we can find our path again. And some are lost to time.

And times runs out. Do we get another go, or chance to find our way, or do we see our example help to the glare of history? I don’t know the answers to those questions, for we have but this life open to our conduct and comprehension. If we are beyond this world, then maybe’s they abound as eternity is forever there, and our example of our living made forever and ever there. And we are forgotten as common man, and uncommon deeds are made to stick and teach us better ways. What of our way and our life? Who knows..

We might concentrate on this short time, and make the most of what we have and in good conscience deliberate and make our way. Yet know full well, that others less gifted with our history, might still be stuck in perfidy. It is not their fault I feel, yet we would punish them, as if they had choices beyond their comprehension, and our unforgiving penalties make their end one to ignominy and not to common good. And good conscience will never be theirs, and our judgment complete.

From simple times in family, to complicated community, our path is littered with our mistakes and woes. Some learn to the good, some deny their part in life and those living moments, some would rewrite all history and make others fault complete. Where the balance falls is how we deal with our reality. And our rules of living might be better utilised when we educate ourselves to better times and better living in tune with all we know. Yet we will recognise as well, the field of play is never equal and balance in our judgment will let us understand the plight of man.

Forever playing catch up with itself. As we step forward and make our understanding of this world more to our good conscience another soul is born to man without the tools or wit to play, they are yet to comprehend. Our plight forever so, as catch up means we move the field of play and we never stay the same.

And so there is no blame to make when we take our final trip to judgment in eternity, the understanding will be made, the consequences harsh as man can make and culpa will determine our epitaph and our part written in stones we may never see or read. Records of our living will determine humanity.

As is said, "let he who is without sin cast the first stone, where is that timeless rock?"