This is a subject close to my heart, I have neglected this topic for some time. I am less troubled these days by bullying, of me by others and by me from what I learned. I experienced a complete nervous breakdown because of bullying and even now after years, I am still affected badly by the experience.
I will update this page when I have energy and fortitude to revisit this subject.
The BBC have excellent information and vice on Bullying
BBC Bullies Page and links
I don't think I will ever recover or be the person I was. That is the nature of bullying, it changes our lives forever and my nightmares come by too frequently...
Don & Recovery
Who am I
Bully Upate August 2006
Elements of Bullying
POWER & CONTROL - INCLUSION - FRIENDSHIP
POWER - BBC Bullies Page and links
A bully needs to feel powerful, they want to take power from you. The reason for them wanting your power is irrelevant to you, a bully wants to dominate someone. If they have power over you in an organisation, life is very difficult. It becomes difficult separate fact from fiction when the bully starts to work on your esteem. We give bullies all sorts to play with.
Apraisals, organisation rules, enable them to create prejudices which are then put on your record. The opportunity to rumour monger from power positions gives some bully's extra advantage. A really good bully at a high level will use third parties to gather and dish dirt.
Really good Bullies spring traps in public claiming openness and integrity. Poor bullies name call and make jokes about subordinates. Poor bullies undermine using chitchat.
Good bullies start to say things like "Imagine what will happen if......" "You are Senior ---I expect you to know that....." Really good bullies threaten to discipline you if you seem unhappy and tell anyone how bad you are feeling. Really good bullies make it all your fault for being inadequate, when in fact, you do a good job. Really good bullies make it impossible to stay so you have to accept severence and then tie you up with legal confidentiallity agreements. Bullies really don't care about you at all.
Bullies need to keep their power. Why does a bully need to keep power? Simply put, bullies are insecure, otherwise they would not bully others. What is a bully insecure about? You don't need to know that , it might make you care. A bully will want to make you feel insecure. Bullies use physical means if they can get away with beating you.
More likely bullies develop verbal skills to put you down. Useless bullies express prejudice about you openly and to everyone, name calling making attacks on your intellect and your appearance . They systematically take away your skill to do your job, and then when they have done that they keep on kicking because you are still there.
Bullies like to keep trophies around. Sometimes old mates will ring you up and invite you along for a drink, then by the end of the night you wonder what went on.
Bullies normally have high needs to be in control, their methods range from physical to highly manipulative skilled behaviors, some even taught by behavouralist trainers how to be better bullies.
Bullies need for control on a scale 1-10 rate 8 or above. They do not like being out of control , but often are.
Bullies are usually suffering some form of long term psychological complaint which feeds their their tendency to display ego and status needs. Bullies want you to work hard and feel bad. Bullies are grudging about your power and will change the power rules constantly making you uncertain. If you are a clever person, you suffer a bigger problem , you doubt your reason
Bullies enable you to turn your imagination on yourself.Bullies do not like it if you record or ask them why they are bullying. "When you behave like this" can be a start of a conversation with a bully, as they bolt for the nearest exit.
Audio, visual and documentary evidence is helpful, but if you are collecting it already I hope you get some support to help you thru the ordeal
Bullies play the inclusion, exclusion game all ways round to destabilise those around them. Bullies have all sorts of needs around inclusion and exclusion but you should take notice only of your needs and beware theirs, and I can imagine there are a million stories to tell. Let's just say a bully learns to include you in things you don't like and exclude you from activities you feel good about or should be doing.
Bullies do not care about your needs for inclusion or to be excluded . Bullies learn their inclusion/exclusion tactics from an early age. Someone will have taken your poor Bully's self esteem away. Bullies then only have their thin superficial ego left .
Bullies often present a polished and well groomed exterior, or more often if self taught loutish tendencies.
Remember you do not need to know why a bully is messed up. You need to exclude them, or make sure you challenge their behavior. If you are already recording their behavior towards you , its time to find some help and don't delay.
Bullies usually have low needs to be liked. Why? Well that is easy, they learned to so thoroughly to dislike themselves, they genuinely do not like you.Bullies will use crude or highly skilled manipulations to make you feel bad about yourself. Bullies will be encouraged if you fight from weakness , will pick and pick and pick away at you.
Bullies have entertaining qualities when they don't pick on you, they give you opportunities to have a go at others. Really good bullies make you bahave like them ,picking on weaker people, to the point you don't even know you do it.
Serial Bullies go home bully their families, and do not know how badly they do not love themselves or their kin. Bullies do not get well, they get worse without help. Bullies do not like to express affection, they like to express venom, they will poison good people by conniving, rule playing and bending. They will make you sick. Do not work for a bully, if you see the signs , get out and ahead. If you are recording their behavior towards you , get support as soon as you can.
Universal Declaration of Human Rights - United Nations 1948
Adopted and proclaimed by General Assembly resolution 217 A (III) of 10 December 1948
All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude; slavery and the slave trade shall be prohibited in all their forms.
No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a person before the law.
All are equal before the law and are entitled without any discrimination to equal protection of the law. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this Declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination.
Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent national tribunals for acts violating the fundamental rights granted him by the constitution or by law.
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary arrest, detention or exile.
Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public hearing by an independent and impartial tribunal, in the determination of his rights and obligations and of any criminal charge against him.
(1) Everyone charged with a penal offence has the right to be presumed innocent until proved guilty according to law in a public trial at which he has had all the guarantees necessary for his defence.
(2) No one shall be held guilty of any penal offence on account of any act or omission which did not constitute a penal offence, under national or international law, at the time when it was committed. Nor shall a heavier penalty be imposed than the one that was applicable at the time the penal offence was committed.
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home or correspondence, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to the protection of the law against such interference or attacks.
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state.
(2) Everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country.
(1) Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other countries asylum from persecution.
(2) This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions genuinely arising from non-political crimes or from acts contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.
(1) Everyone has the right to a nationality.
(2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his nationality nor denied the right to change his nationality.
(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
(2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses.
(3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.
(1) Everyone has the right to own property alone as well as in association with others.
(2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his property.
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and association.
(2) No one may be compelled to belong to an association.
(1) Everyone has the right to take part in the government of his country, directly or through freely chosen representatives.
(2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public service in his country.
(3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of government; this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine elections which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret vote or by equivalent free voting procedures.
Everyone, as a member of society, has the right to social security and is entitled to realization, through national effort and international co-operation and in accordance with the organization and resources of each State, of the economic, social and cultural rights indispensable for his dignity and the free development of his personality.
(1) Everyone has the right to work, to free choice of employment, to just and favourable conditions of work and to protection against unemployment.
(2) Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal pay for equal work.
(3) Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable remuneration ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of human dignity, and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social protection.
(4) Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions for the protection of his interests.
Everyone has the right to rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay.
(1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
(2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection.
(1) Everyone has the right to education. Education shall be free, at least in the elementary and fundamental stages. Elementary education shall be compulsory. Technical and professional education shall be made generally available and higher education shall be equally accessible to all on the basis of merit.
(2) Education shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms. It shall promote understanding, tolerance and friendship among all nations, racial or religious groups, and shall further the activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of peace.
(3) Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children.
(1) Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the community, to enjoy the arts and to share in scientific advancement and its benefits.
(2) Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and material interests resulting from any scientific, literary or artistic production of which he is the author.
Everyone is entitled to a social and international order in which the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration can be fully realized.
(1) Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the free and full development of his personality is possible.
(2) In the exercise of his rights and freedoms, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by law solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic society.
(3) These rights and freedoms may in no case be exercised contrary to the purposes and principles of the United Nations.
Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any State, group or person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein.