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December 1 2007

DonInLondon - ĎDay In the Lifeí I Was Heart Broken and Forgiving

Affairs of the Heart

I have been sharing about my life for years now, and over the last few weeks in correspondence, the truth of heartbreak and separation from partners has been discussed.

When we are heartbroken, and this applies to both men and women, we take account of everything we know to find our part in matters. And probably deny what is happening if we are the one who is left rather than us leaving.

I realise I broke some hearts and some broke my heart. And every time it happened the feelings as the heartbreaker were entirely different to that of being heartbroken. Either way, one leaves and the other feels loss and abandonment, the other a sense of freedom to move on as love has left them.

Either Way Forgiveness

We need to remind ourselves of the human condition, that sometimes we donít fit into a relationship, yet denials keep us there and persevering just in case. And sometimes we know and leave as soon as we may. And other times we stick with whoever because it looks right so we try to make it feel right. And still we can be deluding ourselves.

Divine

"To err is human; to forgive is divine." - Alexander Pope - Well he is right I feel. As we learn we are human and make so many mistakes, or rather we live life and it turns this way and that, and we make progress, and have never the need to feel we might attain perfection, or there would be no more point to living.

And earlier in my video I mistook the quote attributed to Johnson and its actually Pope!

Forgiving

Is the very essence of living as we learn. We cannot be perfect, we make some progress and sometimes we carry on a long time in denials of what we are achieving and often who we are trying to love. When we donít feel love in a relationship, it is as much our doing as our partner in imagining how it will be and its nowhere near it today.

And Delusions and Denials

It is human nature not to let go, to keep on trying and being good at endeavours. We have to learn we cannot make a partner love us and their best way to help is to leave or we leave.

No matter What?

What about the house, what about the benefits and security. What about the impact it has. And of course the longer we stay, the more tangles and the more awful the outcomes and endings. With family and children too. It is no easy matter to make a way forward for either. So many variables each case need be lived as it may.

Forgiving ourselves and others is hard as hurt breaks us down and leaves as sad can be. Love and loss and being lost are all features of living.

Love

Love is forever? Seems indeed it may be, and love comes from every direction even when the one direction we would prefer has run away.

Easy to let Go?

I have found it can be years in letting go as confusion and self harm got in my way, and of course my lack of experience and knowledge meant I needed to learn so much, and had so little time to assimilate these horrid changes to my living.

Runaway

Certainly I ran into the arms of countless suitors for a while. And I am pretty certain many of these relationships came as lonely hearts needed the love lost along the way. So as I might have been broken I am almost sure many women I encountered felt the same way too. We just pretended we were ok and inside the torments from past encounters left much repairing still to be undertaken.

I ran into the arms of lovers. And they were like me, bereft often and still hurting from the past.

Forgive

We need to forgive how others may treat us, I have found those who treated me indifferently had learned how to long before it was my turn to be an object of consideration rather than someone with affection.

So in truth as life teaches we are all prone and capable of being loved and loving, being rejected or left and abandoned. It depends from where we are to where we may go next.

Forgive and Acceptance

Even now years later, love is not lost. Love remains and heartfelt thank you to this world for teaching me we can love and hate the behaviour of those we might cherish. We need not lose love of life, we need find our way back to esteem and sorrow for loss rather than hate and ego and self pity.

Every emotion for every occasion

We humans have every emotion for every occasion, indeed we need understand ourselves more deeply than run at living and still trip on that first cherishing step, to love ourselves enough to know we are worthy of human contact and love as it may be.

I guess this soft old romantic cherishes and lives more with due care and attention to impacts feelings and love all around. Glad it is so, today and just for today I may feel it.




1st December 2006

Friends and Enemies

Sometimes it can be difficult to work out who are friends and who are foes. Its quite hard to know the difference when friends we keep close and enemies even closer. Sometimes we just donít see the enemy within.

It is easy to be confused over our general outlook and friendships. Being schooled in the belief that everyone operates to the same principles has cost me dear over the years, and certainly made me as much an enemy along the way, as I learned how to be an enemy too!

What I mean is we do pick up good and bad habits along the way. I recall being really big in a small company, I had much influence and held the purse strings to a small fortune in some ways. I had a bully for a boss, and in the end started to behave like him, it gave me a nervous breakdown for my trouble! Actually having got the notion that people are generally good and have the same outlook, I learned the opposite and got completely stuck in some middle ground of complete misunderstanding. It truly made me insane for a while.

I am back to believing that we are all basically good. And as time has gone on, my behaviour is generally to the good. Good behaviour in principle and sometimes unavoidable and inappropriate sometimes, as things are never clear cut. We learn and apologise and move on. Its pretty much the way of things.

Yet it seems to me most people donít have good ideas about testing out their behaviour generally. Some people like me for instance still get caught up in others dilemmas too easily. And we get good helping others when they do little or nothing for us. And you know I am just learning something Ghandi said many years ago:

Mohandas Gandhi Quote

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble."

Now why is it I donít follow his advice more frequently and get on with my life? I do actually quite a lot of the time. And yet I am part of a fellowship of men and women who help each other to their best ability. And certainly I get a lot from it. In amongst all the stuff we do though, there are those unfortunates still full of ego and still full of crap who give us a lot of concern and waste our time and effort. We think we are doing the right thing, when actually we donít.

Maybe some of us need to learn the word No. No is such a small word and so often keeps us doing the right thing and not doing others work or duties for them.

A phone call tonight left me very concerned about another persons ability to listen to the word, that word is NO! So it really is important that people can hear it. It starts with an N and ends in an O. No, No, No!

As to their ability to hear anything at all, if they cannot hear no, then they cannot hear anything else most likely.

So when I say No, it means no. No means I wonít do the job for you, no means wonít do the job for free on the back of fellowship, and no means I donít want you suggesting me doing things for others by dropping my name to them as a source. No is no.

Odd really as most of my life has been about saying yes. And although its never been really half hearted, it does not do me any good at all. Saying yes when no is more appropriate is never lost.

And if we lose a connection in the process, then its better we do, as often we get more requests for more shit to take on board.

The art saying no is simple, we say no.

Saying I am sorry is not saying no. No means get on with your own stuff and donít include me in your mess. And donít assume yes is always going to be the reply.

No on its own is sufficient. It needs no extra effort. We just need to be sure we are saying it loudly and clearly, with just effort to express the word itself.

As most people are taken unawares and donít expect a no, it may end there. And their resentments hopefully will be big enough to keep them at arms length.

Or maybe they may ask rather than assume something will be accepted. I donít really have time concern myself with those scenarioís.

As time is precious in life, and speaking as one who has gone past half way, it seems to me appropriate to really get with our programme of living, and not helping everyone live their lives.

So learn to say no, with good grace. And if its not accepted, accept that those who cannot deal with no, are not on our side at all. They are users and fuck ups who cannot do it themselves. No this may sound a little extreme just realise however, the person requesting and using your time and talent gives no consideration to you. Unless of course they reciprocate in some way.

One way friendships and one way traffic are draining of our resources. There is no love or concern just using. And this person writing is pretty much aware where people are these days. I donít want or need patronage. And I donít want your shit. Fuck off!

Overall Though Tonight

I had a good meeting have listened and shared. Enjoyed good company and tolerated a couple of arseholes, somewhat distant and not in person who wonít ever realise their shit. For them the journey is asking others and not me. And I am glad of this, because they will never help me one bit in any way.
I have great connections long distance and short distances. We need only recognise the good as we go, and where we get used, then let go. Or we get bitter and twisted.

Why am I so resolute?

A good friend of mine is in the same boat, and along the way we have lost our regular connection all because of other crap. And fortunately they are aware enough of my nature as I am of theirs, that we are merely learning our path. We need not pave the way for others who will just walk over us, we need to be walking happily on our way to tomorrow and the next day. Helping in good conscience and not being used and abused by those with no conscience and no sincerity or integrity.

I will remain open honest and willing always, and when people learn reciprocity, and a little humility it makes it worthwhile. We need never grind ourselves down on others hard rocks or we surely will fail at living this one very precious life. Time is short alwaysÖ

Chronicles December 2005

December 1st 2005

Jack Of All Trades

In the last fifty years the notion of being a jack of all trades has become firmly established in the minds of many intellectuals. These intellectuals seem to be proved right in establishing an individual can perform many tasks and become skilled in their deployment.. And it is with pride and determination that we apply ourselves to these multiple tasks and feel satisfied we are accomplished human beings. In fact we get rewarded

for our ability and when we perform well, the rewards can be significant in any currency we value. The main currency we value in our multitasking is money, then to varying degrees, the emotional currency of joy and happiness. In our societies, the multitasker is revered more and more. The benefits to our society are evident, where we have skills we can use in more places and more places where our skills can be used. This might seem a fantastic move forward for all of us. For we are living longer and have more experience to gain and share in our lifetimes. And we get rewarded for our abilities.

Anyone who enjoys life, tends to enjoy many experiences. These experiences are either continual new experiences or refinements of ones we have found satisfying over years and years. We can all imagine experiences we love to keep and enjoy more, and new experiences which keep us interested in life in general. From early school days, we learn more and more over broad topics, to find our interests and

aptitudes. We develop preferences in our experiences and become more expert in some over others. This is a natural and obvious development. Some like hard science, some like soft science. Some are drawn toward books and some to materials, some to art, some to engineering. And all these endeavours are building more expertise and experience, put to use in work and in our playtimes.

In our "formative" years, the broader the perspective, the greater our choices in life. We get great satisfaction in learning, if we are lucky! And we learn what we enjoy and we learn what we will to make a living.

The market for labour demands more skill, more aptitude and a more "rounded" resource. And we know as experience teaches, we need be flexible and open in our approach to work these days.

We know too, that expertise comes sometimes from years of learning, doing and refining. And we learn that rewards for expert powers command premiums, where the "jack of all trades" command minimums. And in our world we are told that we must develop our multitasking, but no one suggests which and for what and for when. So we need be mindful, we need be careful how we develop our portfolio of skills and expertise. For we may find great disappointment and unfulfilled aspirations if we multitask where everyone multitasks. And worse we might multitask where no one wants our skills and
expertise.

And we might consider our leisure interests and our skills and expertise. What we do for pleasure, may be quite different from our work. Or if we are quite able and astute we may study where our overall interest lie and find ourselves in vocational disciplines, combining both interest and rewards in all aspects of our lives. Let us be hesitant in our aspirations and our "jacks" of all trades.

Masters of Nothing

When we learn and develop our lives, we pay little heed sometime, we live in the moments and put to chance the future. And I am no exception, for the future is not here, and we might never see it! We are sometimes that pragmatic.

We need become masterful over parts of our lives, to sustain us, to enrich us, to find depth and texture. For as a Jack of all trades we find our superficial application leaves empty depths unexplored and never understood. Masters, we observe across our known Universe, give pleasure and joy to the eye, our hearing, our touch, and every sensibility we have. We relish the feasts of the Masters of our age, we feel our imagination stretched and our appreciation so deep, we feel moved in the works of past masters and present practitioners.

Masters of our Universe

One element we might become master of is ourselves. We might find ourselves more completely, with a weather eye to our happiness and a watchful eye to the world. Be mindful of likes and good experiences, dislikes and poor experiences. Be mindful of our expert gifts developing and other gifts we must learn to get by in our world. Be masterful in making choices and developing opportunity, be careful of redundant and wasteful activity. Be aware of your preferences and leisure, and thrive in difference and diversity. Be accepting of your choices in multitasking, that they are enough to get by, and be expert where it makes the difference and rewards in your currency are high!

When we learn to be expert where knowledge and skill are high, that trade off is not lost to multitasking where superficial is our ability and lower are the rewards. And be aware our rewards and where they come from. For our rewards in life are most often in satisfaction than material gain. Material gain makes good our misery, Mastery of our own Universe fulfilling beyond measure.

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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"The Big Issue"

The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.




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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.































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