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Archive November 23 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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November 23 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In The Life’ Keep It Simple so we say

Clarity and Boundaries

I am not sure if I made myself clear yesterday writing about the way life can turn out with ‘Diversity and Psychosis‘.

In essence it’s the acknowledgement that people in the world come from many different backgrounds and we need accept the outlook of others is different and still we have similar aims in living. The Psychosis part happens so often when we see others difference and never accept it, we get into emotional knots and won’t let go our understanding, and so see the others point of view with respect. We resent the differences more than understand them. So we know we are better accepting diversity, we just don’t, because we may fear or feel the need to defend our way over their way.

Clarity

How do we get to clarity in our situation and living. Simple daily questions help us find our feet more quickly.

How Am I feeling?

We may feel ok, not ok, loved, not loved, included or not excluded. However we feel we know and not push those feelings away. We need know the right and wrong of our feelings and ask ourselves why we feel so. The answer is knowing the feelings and the next step…

Why?

The why question usually means we are feeling ok because all feels right with our own personal world. When we feel wrong footed, its often that something is plain unacceptable in our outlook.

What Can I do?

I can explore my feelings, see why and this clue gives me the answer either to accept my lot, or not accept and decide what choices I have today.

I may want world peace today, and know its beyond my power. I may want to complain to my neighbour about their all night party, and let it go because it only happens now and then. Or I may ask my neighbour when they next are having a party, and arrange to be out or buy earplugs! Simply there are adjustments I can choose to make, without getting into anger and rage. Letting go and seeing what we can and cannot do. We need recognise mostly we can make choices when we have the information, and still not impact on others behaviour. We need not be wilful at the expense of others.

Empathy

As I mention in today’s video, the world of empathy can be helped when we follow the same questions when we are included and involved with others.

How are we Feeling?

When we engage in inclusive feelings. This question how are we feeling may reveal a lot of feelings for the good. Good feelings are all feelings we have, so we may have angry feelings about behaviour of others and others can have angry feelings about us.

"We Can Like a Person and Love them, And still Hate their behaviour"

Yes we can, we love many people we may encounter, like them a lot, and still hate their behaviour.

Typically for people like me, who have lost the plot for years with addiction, people can love us and still hate our behaviour. As we sober up, we behave differently? If we are able and have a programme to keep us healthy. Then we can learn new ways to live.

How We Are Feeling… Why?

When we discuss our situations, around how it feels, we can see others points of view, find common ground and make positive decisions.

What We Can Do!

Get Clarity - Find Boundaries

We can if we try. Diversity does not mean we have to accept and live to others way of life. We can negotiate and find a path.

Negotiation is Not About Winning

Its about finding out where we are, what we may do, together or separately. It makes us able to take decisions and sometimes choices to be included in matters or we choose to go our own way.

Understanding the Possible and Impossible

Some things can be changed, new boundaries and new ways to be included through good understanding and negotiation.

Some things we cannot change, and we need decide in a planned way what we can do.

Relationships

We are better understanding through discussion and not aggressive behaviour, we can assert our own views and not impose them on others.

We need know our boundaries and realise we can choose our path and accept or reject and move with care and great respect for our views and others who may reject us. Either way we find security and knowing when to be included and not included.

So simple? So Hard if we fear outcomes are not going to go our way. Still it is better to keep faith and keep to the good of our good conscience as best we can.

More anon




23rd November 2006

The Problem with any Prejudice

Yes it is a problem, the problem with any prejudice is simply we start taking a look at the one’s who point fingers and create a disturbance. The problem with all prejudice is it is founded upon ignorance and fear.

People who fear have prejudice. People who are not fearful have nothing to be prejudiced about. People with fear and don’t understand are doubly handicapped as they are most likely lacking self knowledge and self awareness.

Looking at some debates going on the BBC following the alcoholism programme and the Policeman suggesting Heroin addicts might be better given their fix via the state, all manner of prejudice is displayed. And as with all prejudice its got its roots in fear.

I made a comment about those who argue short sharp shocks for addicts would lead us to draconian measures for people who are just plain overweight or too thin. After all anyone overweight or too thin has no self control we expect of addicts. And how many people is this? Half the population?

Well it makes me wonder where people do feel they have rights to criticise and make bold statements to harm their fellows in society.

No one wants to be overweight or too thin and no one wants to be an addict. And as we see there are moves in the NHS via new labour policy to put fat people or too thin people down to the bottom of waiting lists as if they are second class citizens… As for addicts, most often they die, without support or help.

Where are we all in this sorry state of affairs. Being a person in recovery for a while now, I understand all too clearly the path to ruin and the path back to ordinary life is just plain hard slog and hard work, day in and day out.

There is no easy way out for any deformity of character or physique, it requires support and a lot of effort. And indeed I suspect the odd couch potato enjoys having a go at addicts who they feel are wasters and useless. By the same token ask a recovering addict about couch potato’s and more often than not they will suggest its none of their business…

So where are we with our brave new labour world?

A bit nearer to getting to the truth about a lot of things as the NHS although strapped for cash has made serious inroads to the treatment of too fat people and too thing people and as it happens to addicts as well. So well done the NHS!

As to attitudes and behaviour in our great and good society we seem to have become slack and mendacious, easy to blame others and lacking in responsibility, personal and social. The blame culture really needs to be resolved, and the culture of corporate irresponsibility and personal liability needs overhaul. The new labour lot are full of bull when it comes to leading from the front. Although there a lot of good intentions overall they are rubbish at changing anything worth a damn.

When "Knacker" of the Yard makes a suggestion we feed the addicts so they don’t hurt or steal anymore, we get indignant rather than wipe out loads of criminal behaviour. We are still wanting to punish people for being addicts. And if we hear more about fat people and thin people being second raters then they too will become demonised and seen as irresponsible citizens.

Where will it all end?

Soon I hope when some sensible people make some dramatic and sensible policies in the social categories which help people get over their awful living and awful binds. Until then, if you are perfect, well done, if you are imperfect in some way, stop looking outwards and take a look in the mirror, and then apply your prejudice to yourself.

In the meantime be good to yourself! You know it makes sense..

November 23rd 2005

Trips and Stumbles

Trying to find our way It’s a hard job, just living. We all work hard in our own way to make sense of our lives. Not an easy task sorting our nature and nurture out. or nature helps with the most common elements of our complicated lives. To stay alive, to eat, to experience, to have our needs met through toil. And nurture, which goes beyond the basic needs, yet drives every fundamental part of our nature. Our nurture most likely is the embellishment of nature. This might seem obvious, it is never so, for our nurture can take us to realms beyond conscious experience. Our own imagination, a gripping world of possibilities and fantasy…

Talking with a friend like me, at new cross roads in our lives. Full of the one absolute certainty, that life has changed and will never be restored to old "normal service". Why? Well normal service in olden times meant indulgence of every sort without impunity. A lesson learned that consequences of any action can’t be discounted. That life teaches easy lessons on easy matters and hard lessons on hard matters, that if a thing is worth doing right the consequences are as hard as any impact felt by any human. Work hard, drink hard. Work harder and drink harder. The harder we work and party the greater the outcomes and consequences. The higher we go, the inevitable swing back down to earth, can be quick and devastating. A smack into rock from lofty heights is not cushioned, the impact like smack of unimaginable hurt. It smashes and breaks as if hit by a speeding car full on and no brakes. People wrecks are hard to ignore as much as we would wish, especially when it’s us. When we work and party, and take on the challenge of life we are pushed and pushing. We need learn along the way, the safety limits of all we do. Yet many of us don’t come close or near to knowing limits and safety. We, the ultimate risk takers, take it all the way, because we learned there is no other way, at least that’s what we thought. And that’s what "LIFE" taught!

And reflecting today, with a friend who still gets angry and troubled he cannot burn as brightly all the time, a hammering pace of self driven success and happiness… as if it were a happy and joyful, the never ending push to strive and be a success. That drive, that success, that height of achievement, forever striving for the next level, and never ever stopping long to savour the moment of the experience, to sit still and take stock, to be allowed to stop the world and get off. For there is no off to success…
How driven to be, and have no sense of being, how empty the rhetoric and banners of modern man, that anyone can be a success in our democracy and our world. And how the lie of success is maintained in thin relief against a happier life of joyful times, where moments are savoured, experienced and full measure, like ripe fruit, a taste sweet beyond its measure. How were we ever misled by a world of plenty, when most the world is starved by ignorance? An we the gifted, especially ignorant of happy times, where faith and well being would light our spirit through good conscience. We sit bamboozled for a moment as we feel the pull to normal being, not super beings as folk remember our old selves. We discard old memories as quick as we can, yet feel the pull forever, moving on into uncharted worlds where miracles await the simple man who treads light and soft across the oceans of this earth…

Where will this journey in our new world take us? In mind, body and spirit we move on and hark back, as we stand on the shoulders of time, so history anchors the common man, wretched as he flays free the chains and breaks his own prison walls to dust. Just ordinary men, just happy to have an outlook and restored faith in nature and good conscience…

November 23rd 2004

Persuasion

The act or process or an instance of persuading is as much we can really hope when we express our inner preferences of living. Often we wish for, think we have a right to expect and a whole host of notions about the world and what it may have for us. We want things from life, often we don't need these things from life.

Wanting leads to awkward notions of getting what we are due. In the beginning we may adopt persuasion to get our want met. And as children we use our feelings to express basic needs, and to an extent those things we want more of.

Our life experiences will teach us what works. Our need for control often makes us determined to make our world our way. Control like any desire is often greater than we can achieve. To control our world is fraught with disappointment. Our desires can become unrealistic and our chasm between what is and what is wanted often is so great we retreat and harbour ill conceived notions and fantasy about the possible.

If we are able to understand our ability to persuade to an extent, be content to balance our wants and needs, we will find a brokered harmony.

If we regard ourselves as powerful over others, we may find discontent for ourselves and others. For persuasion is one thing in finding that balance, power over others will leave all parties unhappy and powerless as time catches us in our folly and leaves us breathless with discontent.

For in general we are powerless over people, we have persuasion in our skills of life, and a notion of balance serves all and is master of none.

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.




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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.































Don In London
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