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Archive November 20 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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November 20 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In The Life’ After the Rant Was Over

Disagreeable

Sometimes we do fid the world disagreeable. And with the benefit of hindsight how is it we can be ok with the world and then suddenly a darkness comes along, we feel the grip inside as we feel fear and everything is changed.

We are animals of nature and often we forget just how we are, of nature and we run with feelings, instinct and experience is warning us of danger. Ignore these feelings and we are in peril. Respond to these feelings and very often we need react to get out of harms way.

Harms Way

With enough going on in the world for us to be vigilant. From crossing a road, to simple steps we don’t see and we have mishaps.

Self Harms Way

For many who have got pretty low down in their living, like in active addiction, harms way is every day. There is nothing but pity and ego and pride and a false ignorance in the darkest days of addiction. Worse we might go to any lengths to preserve the addiction which shortens life to living a nothing type of life. A processor of poisons and toxic living.

Restoring the balance to Normal Living

In many ways we who have afflictions and self harm in our behaviour do want an end to it, to stop self harm or just stop living. The truth is in our behaviour long before we recognise where we are with living. And it takes time to die, or to get well again.

Denial of the Truth

Denial is a difficult concept especially when a person is in denial of? First we need recognise a problem and then deny it. The problem with a downward spiral into addiction is not the denial at all, it is the perception of society and what is normal first.

To be in denial we need know that we have a problem. As most people are pretty mucked up before they start to see the problem, denial can be way off the agenda of recovery as the issue is not seen as addiction or dependence until its out in the obvious arena in community, in work, in social situations and behaviour is seen.

Denial Comes Knocking

Only when we cannot mistake our problem can we start our real denial process. Even when we are aware we are not quite right we will delay. And delay and delay, and the problems only get worse.

We either realise we are in trouble or keep going until nothing is left inside and then we lose it completely, and either recovery or a short and unhappy existence is left.

Stoic, Proud, Arrogant, Ignorant

Keep right on to the end of the line. And its not too pretty as the ugliness of addiction parades us past our ego and on into insanity. And denial and every egoistic endeavour just makes for more isolation, the paranoia beyond expression and being beaten and without a clue how to survive without using and using and using.

Admission - To Any Last chance Saloon

We get a day, a week a year of recovery. Some bounce back, some flattened a while longer and eventually some of our wits return.

Acceptance - To live Soberly

Still with many issues to resolve, in acceptance there is an understanding that change is needed, sometimes we get it slowly, sometimes we have revelations. Most time we need to start over.

Old Behaviour New Chances

The gift of recovery is to get our senses back. When we get our senses back, we might hope for better times. They may come if we have been clear on the possible and impossible.

Acceptance is the Key

Of being right sized, equal always, neither superior in outlook or always right in a righteous way. We learn humility is letting go and not always being the centre of the universe or the centre of attention. We are one of many recovering and living as all other humans do, with our frailties and strengths as they can be.

Acceptance is no Acceptance When

We forget our equality, others equality, others right and everyone’s responsibilities. We make progress and we are not perfect.

Humbuggers

Having connected with humbuggers in recent days, it is no surprise to me that my mind is disturbed, that my outlook saddened and the pervasive touch of ego comes knocking not only at others doors, then as a consequence my own. I have better things to do, yet still feel the attraction to the battle of words for the hearts and minds, and then as a release I need let go and move on to where reason and tolerance and love prevail. Or I too am a bleeding heart and a bleeding nuisance, making statements of the bleeding obvious all over again and again.

Cut the Crap

Move On




20th November 2006

Happy Days - Just for Today

From start to finish how often do we have something other than our will guiding us? We may wonder at the choices we have, feel ok with the moment and get on with life and something that occupies us. Now this feels ok, and at the same time it has much to do with having no will and a programme to follow. A programme of suggestions.

I am poor, I have no real home yet, yet I have a roof over my head. I have porridge in the cupboard, I have things to test my well being like, monitors for my ailments, a set of values and principles to live by, a fellowship to help me make good choices, a good friend or two and a bunch of fellows with a simple aim like me, to live one day soberly at a time.

I can be full on nonsense, I can be full of insomnia, I can be laid low by weakness, I can be accepting of all this. I can find something to occupy me and add something to my understanding of life and how to be.

Roses and Beds

Life is not a bed of roses either. Nor am I able to look through rose tinted spectacles at my life. It has been a hard journey. Whatever I have done I have tried my hardest, and whatever I may feel I am still here feeling. And all this is ok. And life is hard and tough and not always a dignified and easy journey.

How am I feeling?

I feel good having had a good night out and seen a film, shared excellent company and got up this morning with a call early from my mother. I felt hardly able to talk as sleep had been a long time coming and deep and very fast in ending. And with aplomb I felt ok. And got on with getting out and to a meeting and listening to some wisdom learned and earned in years of being aware and present in this ever present, present moment.

I feel ok as I write late in the evening, and yet there is always a doubt in there, not to plague me, or to necessarily worry me, the doubt is about my worth I can only guess, as my esteem is always fragile. And long may it be so, and challenged daily by friends and myself. I feel it is ok to be me. And that feels just right. I am living to my principles and my values as best can be.

Denials

Today it featured in both meetings I went to, and its hard to understand that to be in denial actually means there needs to be awareness of something we avoid. Denial this lurking self delusion we hear most of all, it really does mean we need awareness to make sense of it.

And I am wondering where my denials began and where I learned them. As it happens we need total awareness to get with denial. To deny needs a process as much as any other we deploy in our living.

And I hear much talk of denials as we get with our fellowship and what its about. Denial really needs context and elaborate connivance with something we want to avoid or know enough to avoid in our feelings and thinking. That pretty ok and all that I know is, the game and the pitch can change every day.

Denials require knowledge

Once we know we are avoiding and once we aware there is something amiss, then we can be in denial and be wondering what’s going on. We need to be self aware enough to get out denial or what we are feeling is merely upheaval and nothing feels like it might or right at the time.

Good Sense will prevail if we lose our delusions

Indeed good sense will prevail with help and a way forward, once we can come to terms with what and who we are these days. Yet I know so well, that denials go on for years even when we have the knowledge and this takes forever it seems to sink in to my head.

How am I feeling about my denials these days?

I feel there are less of them, denials that is, and although I may work at this forever I know denial comes along even every day as we live through our moments. And our way of dealing with life is always challenged as we strive for peace and harmony. And keeping to honest ways is surely the best. And of course in denials we share and often find our dishonest white lies, to cover the simplest of things that we do or say in company. And there are deeper truths we might wish never to acknowledge as we get older, and we see time running on and our abilities start to fail.

Capacities

We all have them and lose them, we learn new ways of living, we learn just to be as we are in the day, its not always easy to accept what and who we might be, especially if we have spent a lifetime doing as we thought we might to please all we meet.

Pleasing ourselves and others

We need to please ourselves and please others as we may, by sharing our truths openly as we never have before, and this is with faith and courage to find who we are, not to be who we may think or what others might prefer. Our challenge in living is to make best use of our journey and live as full as we can with our given capacities. And we share good times and bad times, we learn from them both. And we keep our denials at bay when we deal honestly with whatever and whoever we encounter as we go.

How much time do we have?

Just for today, as history is gone and gives us our wisdom as we are moving along. In a world of danger and never knowing what next, best to live this one day as if its our last. We may work at our endeavours and relax as we may, and learn as we go, that all we truly have is now, our spiritual home in the present. Before and hereafter is either gone or not yet occurred.

And with my perceptions still very much ok, I know there are times ahead the longer I live where these magic moments will lost in other times, where the darkness of depression still awaits, for I know it comes back.

Balance in all matters

Balance will be there as we move along, some up and some downs, some joys and some sad times too. We never know quite what we may encounter as we endeavour and make good as we can. And with certainty all there is, is now, we can accept where we are.

Acceptance:

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in our world by mistake. Until I could accept my humanity, I could not be complete in living; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

November 20th 2005

On My Happiness...

extract from a letter to a friend

"The question about happiness... This may sound strange, I am happy with my lot, even the difficulties encountered. Feels like I was destined to feel these experiences and see how to live them. The onset of diabetes and regime required actually reinforced some of my new living regime. Much to the astonishment of some others, especially medical(but not my medical advisors), I did not experience a downside to taking care of it, I experienced the upside, which was physical well being and improved mental faculties. The one which is a kicker (gut wise) is the clinical depression. A non-reactive depression is something unwelcome at any time and as its not predictable. When this happens to me, I know routine, care and self maintenance, a bucket of patience and appreciation that in time it will lift on its own means I don't push for a fix, which is where alcohol came into the equation and is now rejected. This took some years to resolve and some desperate times beyond oblivion."

November 20th 2004

Humanitarian

a person promoting human welfare and social reform

Every day we are confronted with the appalling truth that in many places on this planet there is suffering we will find hard to understand.

No single person who has humanitarian feelings inside them will ever want to see harm come to innocents. And a true humanitarian would wish to persuade those who make war with each other that they have not lost their humanity, and there is opportunity.

As individuals we are powerless over much larger forces for good or bad. Yet we can find and keep faith with our own humanity. We do not need to close our eyes to this chaotic world, we do not need to be feel guilt at others decline into war. We can keep faith with ourselves.

We may order our thoughts and feelings, we may consider and reflect on the world as we would wish, free of war and free of deprivation. We need only keep in mind these notions of what is humanitarian and ensure we live to these beliefs through our actions.

In a world so angry and so drained by perpetual chaos, we may ensure as individuals, our feelings and actions speak by example. Living a consistent life dedicated to peace and harmony is seen by others and absorbed slowly and surely, even tho' it may take generations. We may not eradicate or stop conflict, we may not have opportunity to slow the war against ourselves, we do have our inner sense of belief which guides us and our community towards peaceful existence.

Kindness will prevail, even if we take centuries. One day when the world is balanced with God and Nature, will Man walk the earth and see beyond the stars.
which guides us and our community towards peaceful existence. Kindness will prevail, even if we take centuries. One day when the world is balanced with God and Nature, will Man walk the earth and see beyond the stars.

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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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Archive November 20 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'





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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.




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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.































Don In London
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