You Tube is now proving difficult to manage and keep all my "plates spinning" as it were. So I intend to close off
comments on early You tube and provide a link to my Primary Website doninlondon.com. This will help me manage the spammers who I
feel will always be around, at the same time comments can be made on recent videos for a month or so.
That took a lot of my time today.
Interesting to me is the state of my feet and other extremities, which have taken on a "sponge like feel" which is
somewhat perplexing. But it was ok to cycle just about, even though the weather was bitter.
With my mother and sister was excellent and as a result I have come home with some food for tomorrow, which is pretty darn
good. The conversation light, reminders and happier memories about Christopher who we all miss. And also much chat about just
normal things and hoping my brother is ok with new challenges for him. I need call him soon or email.
I do get concerned about some aspects of my life. Being single presently does feel right. And yet I still feel the pull to
partnership. And I feel sometime someday female company will be something which will happen naturally. Between then and now is
much to do to make sure I keep healthy and follow advice.
I have consultations this week on medical matters. I feel it may prove a challenge and I know things are not too bright just
now. So much upheaval over recent months has made for difficult times and routines. This is not too good and I am aware of
changes as mentioned here and in the video..
Its already Monday and time I was asleep, blood tests first thing and I need be early or there for hours at the hospital. They
are good just always busy and this is not a criticism, it’s a blinking good hospital in my opinion..
18th November 2006
Due Care And Attention To Living
Its sometimes hard to know right from wrong, its sometimes hard to keep everything we know in the day. We think from history
and everything we do we might learn with care and pay attention to everything that is going on.
And sometimes because things are not discussed or we have no crystal ball to make good our imaginings we are maybe caught out,
we have no idea where things are or what may be going on.
Sometimes we isolate and wait a while and sometimes we get a little bit bolder, yet we are most often afraid that what we
might want, we may not be even close to having.
Its vital we get reality as is. And be so careful with everyone we encounter. We do not know how deep feelings may run and we
might not imagine there are any there at all.
Sharing what we know
Its not so hard if most of our lives we have shared and kept everyone in the loop about our living. We are as careful can be
and yet somewhere we can overlook how things may be changing. And we don’t know what might be happening. We fear and have
Makes us wonder what is going on and we don’t really know just how things are. Yet we have no right to pry. And it is quite
awkward. As life on life’s terms, we think its clear and yet the imagination makes us wonder, what if?
If we know
If we know there may be some problem, its best to wait and see. And not be fearful in the meanwhile, because as with all
matters distant and unknown we are truly powerless over anything, as often said, over people places and things.
Tonight a really good sharing in our fellowship
A new mother and long term fellow, just back from maternity leave? Well hardly as they kept up their meetings as well as
motherhood too. As keeping with the fellowship, a spiritual home which informs us in the here and now how we are doing, why and
what we may do..
Friendship in all matters is paramount and close and face to face friendship needs to be a regular part of our way forward.
Without this key we are left with fear and doubts as alone we can become inward, looking at our history and what if and why not’
s, and more than this wanting maybe what is not there at all. Friendship helps in all matters as we make our path in fellowship.
Fellowship can be misunderstood. As easily as any way we are close and especially over long distances.
What we see it really what we get
Over many years, denial has been as much a part of me, as breathing. Not accepting the truth and nature of each day. Surely it
is better to remove denials and get with living in the here and now. And still tonight walking back alone from my meeting, I
realise there is misgiving and concern in me. Not so much about me, although there will always be a part of me which wonders this
and the what if’s, it does no good to imagine.
A friend asks me
A friend asked me about my life today. And he was merely being casual, but all the same it felt intrusive. As I live alone and
have made my way very gradually into the here and now, rather than stuck somewhere and worse wishing for the world to change to
my way, or no way. I was stuck to answer because he wanted me to be like him. Or some form he would choose for me? And this was
no close friend as such, just someone I saw mid day on the King’s Road.
What we wants for me as he sees normality is a convention, of being with and involved with and having a partner and making a
partnership. And for all these years I might have thought the same and then was sorely disappointed as life just was never that
way. Until now, as I learn all over and mostly for the first time what I truly am doing. I am just learning about life and
living, which means there is no convention and path to follow as if blind or yearning to be like or be something or this or
I am learning just to be me.
Our Chair Tonight
As with all matters family, its important to see and be able to relate, and mostly I related to a strong spiritual message and
one I find completely right. That if whatever we might believe as a higher power has any quality it is indeed love and good
Yes for months this has been my message and well put tonight, I felt at ease with the message. And then disrupted by close
fellows without a glimmer of any connection to the words spoken. And this is just as it is. And friends wonder how life is for
me? It is just progress and nothing ever close to perfection.
As to me and how I feel
Sometimes remote and not always easy with my world. As sometimes more may be sought or asked which is beyond me and this day.
And truly might be a path meant for others. I really do not know, other than truth and fellowship help me understand my feelings.
And worry for others and theirs too. I try to be careful always, but like any human I am just a learner in living and can be
misunderstood as much as simpatico.
Knowing and understanding our condition and our humanity helps greatly and in such intimate moments where sharing is as honest
as can be, we are most vulnerable to other questions and deep feelings as sharing so, is as close sometimes as we have
encountered in all our lives.
I do care deeply for pretty much everyone I encounter these days, it leaves me stretched too far sometimes, and hard to find
when batteries are low. Most likely somewhere in a meeting soaking up yet more wisdom, and then living life as best can be,
nowhere near perfection or there would be no point at all. But truly with due care and love, as indeed in good conscience love is
all we need.
And as in all human encounters close and often direct with honest hearts we need be so very careful, and be kind in all our
moments. Especially this ever present moment of now..
November 18th 2005
Silence is Golden
In silence we find a solution to every problem. On a day to day basis, such a notion is formidable. We might pause and reflect
on our silence and ensure we are taking care our own or others problems. Other peoples problems will always be attractive, and a
diversion from our own. It's no good trying to do good, it's better to be good!
November 18th 2004
Combination and Balance
I am learning about combination and balance all over again. This is no surprise, I knew it would be necessary. The Learning
and experiences over the years are lessons maybe only learned in maturity. From an early beginning where there were no boundaries
and the world felt limitless in my eyes, experience teaches me how I may limit myself.
True, we cannot be all things and master of them all. And we have choices and potential to excel and to master art, trade and
commerce, every imaginable endeavour man might encounter. We must endeavour too to find a balance in all aspects of living.
Balance is not the natural path, balance is confined to the spread of experiences we have open at any time in our lives. It is
finding a balance in the day, and a balance of foresight based on experiences. There are many who apply visionary techniques to
achieve a given path and stick with their learning and mastery. We are often tutored to the future potential we will embrace, and
fall short. Not just because we may not be imbued with the gift of achievement, but that achievement is limited to a few who can
be placed in our desired role and career.
We do have boundless potential for ourselves. Something oft lost in the pursuit of happiness expressed by others. Chasing
others dreams and what society sees as valuable may undo our boundless potential and mastery of self.
Self mastery is a combination, a formula worked out for oneself. Self mastery combines the day we have before us, the minds
to the possibilities. And especially the enjoyment fulfilled in the present as we build a future.
Future, the unknown may be long and rewarding. The present delivers reward and fulfilment, self worth and contentment. The
may be moments, or decades, don't forget the present and active, demonstrable delivered and absorbed.
Balance is finding ones own unique formula, a combination of trust in ones openness and feeling.
The present perfect ~ perfectly present