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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.
















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November 1 2007

DonInLondon - ĎDay in the Lifeí Why did She Leave Me

Thankful and Forgiven

Its been a good day or so, and most things technical seem sorted on my computer. But! But I have lost some emails on you tube for some reason which involves me. So I am sorry id some have not received replies.

Why did She Leave Me?

I was reminded of the pain of separation from my partner some years back. And my reply follows to the questions raised.

I have learned more than anything in this life we need keep our path as it may be, with open and honest endeavours. And the truth which eluded me for so many years was about grief. I really am learning grief in the day and by the day. Everyone gets losses and we are not so well equipped to let go, especially those we love, even though they love us they may well leave us for their own sanity and ours.

I now know as I always did that loving can be as hard can be when its not leading anywhere or going to be that one relationship we have been looking for all our lives. And in truth to find everything we need in one person is not that easy. We grow to this, or we grow apart. We live with life, best with support and kinship. Fellowship too in my case.

Reasons why a person need move along without us? Even if we know, I did before it happened, I was in denial half the time and mad the other half knowing I was losing my best friend, She had to go and I knew it, yet even to this day I love the memories and times shared, and realise the person loved does not exist the same as back then. And we have both moved along. Yet denial and grief play their part daily still. That is life I guess. Good I feel these things now, as meant, in manageable pieces, and not great chunks of hurt unmanageable and horrible.

So a reply - Not the answer as each situation is as it is

I appreciate your videos as I just found them today. Funny I never thought to search for AA on you tube.
[excerpts]
I was involved with someone who is . [part removed] During that time I have only witnessed him getting worse. I thought the alcohol was what made him as angry and verbally abusive as he had been. But unfortunately, maybe he is the same person with a lot of anger about everything. Alcohol was just an excuse. I encouraged him to go into AA--and after three years, he has decided that he needs to move on without me. He has a new group of friends that understand and can empathize with him. His sponsor encouraged him to leave old relationships behind. Can you tell me in your own words and from your own experiences, how a sponsor can have that much control over a person? Maybe we are better off apart. This has been an incredible journey for myself as well as him. If I had known that at the end of all of my support, he would leave, I would have left in the beginning to save myself from heartache. He gave me his first year chip and this time last year I was at his 2 year birthday. I haven't spoken to him in two months. I won't go to the birthday; he doesn't want to see me. I don't want to go to al anon. I am just trying to get thru the devastation he left behind. Does it ever get any better? Warm Regards, XXXXX

Hi XXXXX

In my experience, and this is just me and not any informed opinion from counselling or from AA. When a person stops self harm with alcohol, it means there is nothing to suppress a lifetime often of feelings never really experienced to the full. So in the first year or so, so much comes to the surface and this is often rage and anger directed towards the person themselves. They feel much guilt, shame and want to be perfect again. Sadly and the sorrow is most often we find there is no one to blame.

Alcoholism or being an alcoholic is an ongoing chronic mental disorder. Untreated a person drinks. íTreatedí a person finds a way to keep things working in the day. And actually as a person develops a new outlook and new understanding, they keep well and very functional. They make progress and cannot be perfect ever, a realisation we all get I guess.

At the same time a person obviously changes. I know I did. The harshness of this is realising we have probably hurt a lot of people because of the malady. And the feelings of remorse or no remorse, depending on how grown up we are make an impact not only on the recovering alcoholic, me in this case. I then realised I was truly changing and at the same time itís the hardest thing to come to terms with everything.

Alcoholism - Is not a self inflicted wound

Most realise that the disease is just that, something some people get and have and some donít. And still we who are alcoholics need find a way to make amends which is truly human and what anyone would expect. We are good at the blame game in early recovery, we blame everyone and then only blame ourselves. This to and fro between the horror of pain caused goes on a long while for some of us.

Then we realise that we have a disease and its no oneís fault. At the same time we can find we are changing and moving closer to people we love already or we realise we are not true to anyone and not to those we felt near and close to and we are very uncertain about love altogether. Self hate and wanting some place of security can lead many to change all aspects of their living.

Love - A Problem and Solution

We can love a person and still hate their behaviour. We can love a person and know we are not right for them. We can be loved and still find the problem or the solution. Sometimes the awful solution is to move on and stop the pain either way.

I donít know the specifics of what you shared. I do know three years of sobering up to a new outlook is as hard for the person trying, and even harder for partners and close family who often support unflinchingly during early recovery.

We can also see changes we donít like as people sober up, and as you rightly mentioned anger and self hate, well they spill over as projecting blame still can happen. It can take forever or a moment for things to change. And still we might never feel that trust and love once experienced.

Sponsors and Control

I do understand your feelings for your Ďexí. And did AA make your partner leave you? Or the sponsor? In truth I donít know, and really the only person who can answer is the ex.

A general rule of thumb for sponsors is for them to stick with the steps of change in the fellowship. Sponsors might ask the ĎsponseeĎ, your ex in this case, if they are open and willing try a new way to life sober and be prepared to go to any lengths to get back to living some sort of normal they may never have known.

Sponsors who are good, they make no judgment and certainly donít tell a person what path they may choose. Good sponsors just help a person work through the steps to make living happy or sad as life is.

Where things can go wrong:

As a person sobers up, they have to face the music. Some things a person does, they feel cannot be shared with family or partners because they feel so awful. And this is where communications breakdown maybe.

Open Honest and Willing

The programme is supposed to encourage this approach to life. To be open, honest and willing. At the same time there need not be deliberate hurt inflicted when truth out there can break much more than heal. Some find it better to move along and not hurt another close anymore (a partner), including the awfulness of facing up to old behaviour and horrors when drinking alcoholically.

Some who Sponsor

It is like anyone we might encounter. People are only as good as their experience and wisdom of living.

If we can choose someone to help us, we usually choose wisely and those with experience. Sponsors in AA, they are just people with some recovery. We are not good or bad as such, just as good as we can be on a day to day basis.

Folklore

As with any fellowship there is folklore about the type of sponsor we can have. Some are made out to be strict and controlling, most are just honest laypersons like me these days, trying to help a person make their choices.

Choices

This is the truth of choices. When a person gets sober, they get all their feelings back in a great big dump and it can take a lifetime to sort them out. Love and Hate and everything in between comes up and makes us quite mad at ourselves and our circumstances.

The steps in AA helps a person deal with the reality which has been lost for sometime or a lifetime. Sponsors bear the brunt of this. And some sponsors try keep the lid on for some they encounter.

Still a person does make their choices. And sometimes the calamity at the time where people make a different life without us is harsh. My feelings about this?

My Feelings

Like it is for anyone, I have been abandoned in the past and still to this day, I feel the loss of that intimate partnership in living. Still I know now that life is just as it may be.

Love People - Hate Their Behaviour

When I say we can love a person, we can hate their behaviour, because they leave us and we feel pain and need grieve their loss. Especially hard when they choose to live without us and we cannot see living life without them. We have a broken heart, and this takes its toll and we do need time to make our way. For me it took years.

I am glad it took me years to grieve losses. It meant I cared and loved. The hard news that a person leaves us and is still out there somewhere is part of the awful torment of letting go. There are no easy ways to grieve, except one important understanding, that we are allowed our feelings and our grief, and we get on when the time is right.

So in a long reply - We need to recognise that even our closest connections and those we love have choices as we do. And no matter what influences them, we are better free and clear if another wants a different path. At least they have the courage to do this. It would be awful indeed if they stayed because of their weakness and lack of courage and for some reason which lends itself to self pity and debt. It would be awful to live a half life. Those who leave us do us a favour, so we may find our truth and happiness in living.

So if this helps anyone I guess it might make clear some things.

We are all human and just good for today

Most people who sponsor in AA in my experience, offer wisdom and help people make their own choices in living. A Sponsee is not directed, a Sponsee makes up their own mind and makes their own choices.

Some sponsors are full of it, just like people in ordinary life

We learn to recognise those who do us good and let us get on with living as we can, we never stop learning.

We can spot do gooders and leave them to their own divine plan and their own insanity.

We can forgive those who leave us, they were probably right to do so, and we are better thanking them rather than hating them. Their exit gives us a gap to make new living right for ourselves. All we need do is find happy connections and not grab the next shiny best thing that looks like the old one. Better to find another with a similar outlook and free to love us as we deserve.




1st November 2006 [All About Lat Year]

Extract from a letter to a friend - being reminded of myself over the years

"Thanks for your kind words and feelings

With one of my friendís itís a rollercoaster of emotions, if you could pack a lifetime of torment and love into a week, then this is his intensity right now. And his stuff runs as deep as an ocean. Its his stuff so I take care not to share detail.

He is a friend indeed and he also reminds me, well of me of course over the years, and all the things we are all capable of when in love or in pain. In pain I was a very lost to sensible relationships and although I looked like care free individual soaking up life women and song, inside I was empty and searching to replace love lost and wanted back to no avail. So I broke hearts as mine had been broken.

And this still bothers me, although my ex's say all is forgiven as they were doing similar things too. An ego trip not exclusive to gender, just the province of broken hearts..

I don't pry or ask the question of you about relationships simply because its is your personal stuff and would not presume to tread on your toes. And of course you really know me more than I you. So yes I am happy and come from the old school of care and support. And trust is something we need keep with ourselves first and share as we choose. It is never anyone else's business unless you share it when that time is right with the right person.
I don't feel you are likely to return to grim times as long as you keep in good company and find your path your way. the danger always is pushing too far too fast and ending up stranded with no support. And its always at your pace. Trust is given when we feel its ok. And not before. And there is also that risk.
I overcome most my trust issues as each day unfolds, simply secrets keep us imprisoned, honesty and sharing with the right environment sets us free. The BBC post was a liberation of me in public to a large extent. Because if I am an open book, people know me and my capacity and vulnerability. If someone chooses to share and be involved its fine, and its also fine to find your own level of trust and comfort. Open books are well read and usually in reprint as the story unfolds day by day, and just a day at a time.
I will always do my maintenance work daily, by sharing and being open, and then there will be few secrets and no shame or guilt, as forgiveness finds a way as we go along just for the day. And if others don't feel so comfortable with our life and honesty, then we are best knowing and moving on to more helpful connections. Not hard or easy, just done daily, it never gets too big to share.

Don't forget the step 5 in our fellowship, which is sharing your innermost times of past, is for a person of your choosing, to clear the decks, and then you proceed with the programme. As often suggested it may a professional, or someone of your faith or likely a sponsor. And some things you need only share with your God (of your understanding) or Good Conscience, like a letter to be read honoured for what it contains and then burned and let go, as that is past and done, its who you are now and emerging, in good conscience and with faith of your understanding.

Sounds too good to be true? Just a day long makes it ok to work with the present, for indeed this is all we have and its by far enough as we let go past which we can honour as part of our journey to wherever we choose. "

How hard will it be for our politicians to debate the truth of Iraq and have an inquiry into the conduct of the UK Government?
Posts to Nick Robinson 31st October 2006

BBC Nick's Blog

Nick robinson's statement and Questions

There are two vital debates being staged in the Commons this afternoon - one in public, the other in private.

The first is over calls for an enquiry into the Iraq war. The second is likely to determine the result of the first, and will take place between Labour MPs, their whips, their friends and their consciences. It can be summed up simply - does my anger over the war in Iraq outweigh my political hatred of a coalition of convenience between the Nats and the Tories.

My guess is that for enough of them the answer will be that it doesn't, and that the government will win the day .

Before the Debate [my reply]

Odd is it not Nick,

that Iraq will not go away as an issue of principle, while we are still there and a Nation feels it has been lied to. People have long memories and Iraq has been a defining start to this new millennium.

Even the green debate in the media yesterday is not sustained strongly beyond 24 hours. Will it come back sooner rather than later?

Our government seems to pile on initiative after initiative. And all the time the big issues and principles still come to the fore. Health, Education, Law and Order and foreign wars.

When we look at the intolerance that the government have been leaning towards with undermining comments on veils and religious observance and their commentary, it smacks of things our country fought against in the second World War. Prejudice is prejudice.

Our Topsy Turvy political system, so abused by this government, and a bunch of wimpish New Labour MPís, more concerned with their tenure and not the principles makes me wince.

Iraq is awful, but may be the way back to democracy in action in this country as people become sickened by government behaviour out of control and acting without accountability.

Before we know the outcome I would suggest there may be an inquiry, and when? When its too late, because our New Labour MPís have no backbone and follow their leader as if mesmerised.

I hope Brown getís in now, his silence speaks volumes about him. He may become Prime Minister for the length of this Parliament, he is not winning any friends or influencing the country right now, or for the future.

It is Blairís fault he would have pre-empted this fiasco had he resigned after the last election and let Brown detach as we will have to from the US and its mess, much bigger than ours in the long run.

I would wish it were different and that politicians behaved as men and women of state. Now where am I? Cloud Cuckoo Land perhapsÖ

After the debate[from me]

the Iraq issue has been shelved for inquiry

What an outcome Nick,

a bunch of the UK's finest cannot make a case to debate Iraq, because of timing. Well it seems to me the time is right to remember this bunch of no hoper's. As they have scuttled away, having had their debate to debate, they can go away and feel they have done a job today.

What a bad miserable useless job they have done. The magic carpet which is used to sweep the crap under must be truly magic, and truly enormous. To hide their shame and sensibilities, they sweep away lies, falsehoods and their honour. Shameful sad bunch of hypocrites.

Timing, when will it be time to stop the horror in Iraq? And when they walk away from it, who will they blame, certainly not themselves, it will be Iraqi's they blame and others and not themselves.

We know who is accountable and we watch it every day. The truth is with us and cannot be denied, unless your name is Tony Blair, a man blind to his own history and stupidity

-/-




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You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Archive November 1 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'





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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.



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