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Archive October 17 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.






















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October 17 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In The Life’ The darkest days are the hardest

Dark Days

I just listened to a video post which took me back to those very dark days where there was little of me left, just a machine fro processing alcohol. I am glad I never really understood the drug scene or how to do it without a feeling of complete guilt. Glad for not so much common sense, just enough gumption to maybe know deep down it would hook me further into a darker place and dark times.

Who We Are

Who and what we are is where we start to change when we either utilise alcohol or drugs to modify our moods and feelings. What seems so easy and simple and makes us have a good time bites us back.

Mood

If we are already prone to be depressed or need to fix our outlook, we are ready for addiction. Drugs amplify our natural state. So if we are gloomy, although we may find oblivion a while and then our frame of mind plummets down.

If we are naturally higher and happy the elixirs we choose can amplify them too, and then we tend to crash and burn badly. Paranoia will be our patient companion as we slip down into our private world of desolation.

High and Low Moods

As our highs get higher and our lows are as low can be, alcohol and drugs merely amplify the way we are. So we can be soaring up or dropping like a stone into an abyss. These mind boggling extremes are the hell we evoke and can walk away from if we are lucky as we stop before addiction is made, or we face a hell beyond our wildest nightmares as we fall into dependence and powerlessness.
Behaviour on the Edge

How we behave in early dependence can be alluring. We speed at living and whatever fills our days, be it work or living a life, it speeds up, fragments and we find our achievements reflect often our obsessions for life. Work, romance, love, sadness, all experienced as rapid phases as we search for our next elevation to happiness. And then it evaporates into addiction and sour living, gut wrenching pain inside and out.

Tonight

I heard a great chair this evening and lots of shares reflecting all of the above. We have lived extraordinary times. And yearn for plain ordinary, and extraordinary living as ordinary to anyone without an addicts head. And ordinary is peace.

Peace

To relish a day. To be happy in our life sized living, equal to others and the equal of what we need do to live as we may, sober. As we find peace the tragedy of our living turns to another chapter, one where real life is just amazing for its richness.

Spiritual

Spiritual awakenings are not as we imagine, they are not blinding revelations, they are hard, they require effort and living experience in sobriety. We need find our path forward as hurtful as any other, as rich as any other, and as frustrating as any other. We simply live life and find our spiritual truth, the truth of now.

Videos

When a person makes a video with pain and hurt so evident as I saw last night, I recognise that hell on earth and recall my own. Not the self inflicted wound many with prejudice imagine as there is no will left in an addicts life. Just human processing of a poison which will kill us dead before our time. We need not do it. And we need friendship, fellowship, family, and any power we may find to help us realise we need never be that alone again, or self harm to destruction, a day at a time..

Old behaviour is the hardest part we need let go. Our honest look at our living, our experience is the foundation for our courage and strength to face normal living once again. And we remain vigilant if we are able, in unity to find hope again as life can be turned around.

Hope

There is hope a day at a time!




17th October 2006

[from a friend] Hi Don,

I like it. 'the few who made it back to childhood,'! I do feel like that sometimes. That life is all shiny and new. Maybe this time though (for me) forewarned and forearmed!

This disease that never goes away. It touches so many lives but there is still so little understanding around it. I used to get upset by ill informed comments about 'druggies' and 'alkies'. Nowadays I shrug it off. If people don't want to understand someone else's disease, then I have to accept that.

Sounds like good advice from your dad. Treating people with superficial and indifferent acts. I may bring that up at Wednesdays group. I reckon it may evoke a lot of feeling. And to be cherished...that makes me feel sad. It seems like a long time ago.

Well CBT seems to be giving me food for thought! I have become aware that my afternoon 'naps', are in fact me avoiding trying to fill my time! So today I have changed that by spending quiet time reading and posting. That will free me up for family later!

And Don, I'm happy for you, that you can forgive all and everything. I still have issues here. But hearing you gives me hope as I'm still younger in recovery. I know it is definitely there in my heart.

Take care XXXX

[from me Don] Thanks ,

Well its been ok, got more to do with physio and more tomorrow with hydro tomorrow. And this will keep me on the mend. My overall strength really went over the first year with diabetes and I am astonished how much ground I lost! Time and care. I am slower in the morning with neuropathy setting in overnight and need time to get going, but its ok.

I am a fan of CBT in the right hands and right reasons. It does great things with real professionals and can build a good set of tools to make things understandable, feelings and thinking wise.

Acceptance and forgiveness are a daily thing xxxx, nothing is ever the same one day to the next and we need to make our way with care. Acceptance is really, really the programme in action and never stops as forgiveness needs forgetfulness and reminders as time dishes them out. Forgiveness is actually a tool of recovery from wrong doings, our own and others, and consequences live on forever.

We cannot change time, we can change our outlook if we have time and opportunity as can everyone else. Where there is no change in others, forgiveness stands as life turned out that way, but we need not let bad things back into our lives. We need make our way with care and attention to our own choices hereon in! Not easy, a daily chore…

Tonight and so to life in the making

Tea Boy

No its not rude! Its what I do on Mondays, I make the tea, and its OK, I am not alone, the Tea girl helps me and we work together to make the Teas and Coffees for lots of us at our meeting. Mind you we are both a little mature to be called boy and girl. So its ok, to realise that as we get into our recovery programme it is a bit like growing up sometimes fast and sometimes slow.

Its been ok for me and my colleague in the tea department. And tonight we had a step meeting where we had a chance to discuss Step 7:

"Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings"

For those in the know its Him, God. And for those of us who are still uncertain about what God is or what our understanding of Him might be, its Providence and Nature as I like to feel.

So with a clear head, which is no longer pickled I am more likely to be aware of my shortcomings and they may be removed with time and Providence, as nature intends. Or as I get more comfortable being me, I realise what scares me, face it and move along in a more balanced outlook. This is all so easy if we keep it uncomplicated, but we folk who have been around the block make it all so difficult.

We try to find the hidden meaning, we try to see how we are different and we had every reason for this and that. But in truth it really comes down to this, removing our fears and getting on with living with what we have, just for today and just within our ability.

Not hard or difficult, until we are about and in life, with work and every other thing we may deal with.

I realise my most obvious shortcoming was not realising sooner the nature of my illness and disease, and now applying myself to recovery, life is getting better at long last.

I know I am banging on about the difference these last few days, but it is significant.

Even my pains and aches are more manageable, I don’t push too far. I monitor and look after my diabetes and follow the suggestions for the clinical depression. I am experiencing some good rather than horrid. And use of every therapy I know is making the difference.

AA a programme of action and reflection. Action centred learning as we go, therapy as we need one to one and in groups. A tool kit in the steps of our programme and books to back it up.

Now why does it take so long to get with it and be ourselves for once? Because all our lives most likely we have not been ourselves and not been able to find out who the blinking heck we are.

Our speaker tonight made the point just as it is, simply this, we need to experience life to make it work, and simply a day at a time. It takes time to recover and be in recovery, for we are never recovered. We make life work as it will, not with our will, just by the hour or the day as can be made so. We use choice as our guide and acceptance of what can be, and le go what cannot, developing our wisdom of the truth as we keep to our sober path.

Simple as that, its just life makes it every other way as our minds wander to wilful outcomes and wishful feelings and thinking. Who said it was easy to make our experience? Not me for experience comes at a high price, to be in the fellowship and then apply ourselves to living as we do, to good conscience.

So how am I tonight? Sorry some of my mates are upset with their lot. And sorry for the sadness that life brings. And sorry some feel like going out there again to drink tonight. Its not been good for friends around me altogether tonight and I am uncertain what I can do. As I intend to keep with it and keep going back, its made me able to make of life what I can a day at a time.

I am less hopeful for one or two tonight and that is beyond me, powerless over people places and things, blimey if only? No its just the way it is. Acceptance is the key in all these endeavours, daily as life happens.

-/-




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You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

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Archive October 17 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'





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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.



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