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Archive October 15 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'



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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.






















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October 15 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In the Life’ All our Yesterdays

And Sunny Afternoons

Looking back at times past. I felt this urge last night. I have wonderful memories of times past, and they are still in me. I wonder how it was I could forget all of those moments, apart from drink, clinical depression can make them seem just dreams in the mists of time.

Yet its true in many ways. The memories when we look back can be magnificent. And gone too. As time changes our outlooks and we find hard moments stretch into years of depression. And of course the fondness we have for everyone on our journey. As well as the rougher times with people we were better not knowing.

I have pondered on this a lot lately. I have made friendships in recovery and then found I could not sustain them as time went by. And there sad feelings as my ability to keep honest led to questionable moments where I let others revise their behaviour and stay pretty close, when it would have been better to let go and move on swiftly. Yet in recovery and fellowship we do realise the pursuit of honest, open and willingness to find our best path mean we can be overly tolerant and end up causing more hurt and dishonest outcomes.

Fine Line

It is a fine line to walk, and as many have commented in fellowship, the road of honesty does get narrower the longer we walk it. I have always worked on the principle that people are basically honest. Yet I found myself to be very dishonest in my drinking behaviour and then everything slid sideways as time went along. Internal dishonesty, that is my own internal workings were completely compromised by drink. And it is sad to reflect that this has taken a long while to get back to anything near a normal outlook which is the real me I prefer and find tolerable.

And for others, as time and changes make us follow more closely a set of principles we can live with, then we are making progress. In recent times I know I have felt awkward over others and their economy in sharing their truths. And worse felt the need to cut connections.

Others and their Stuff

I have my stuff too, my places to be honest. And one of them is about being truthful where needed about association and fellowship. We are all in the same boat it seems, striving for the good of each day, and yet so easily tempted to old behaviour. Not the drink necessarily but old and covert ways which do not help us live this open and honest road.

Last Night

As I have done many times, I found the truth as another shared. It was good to hear, not in a meeting as such, more about a situation related to another person I know.

Gossip

In our fellowship we know gossip can kill people as they are headed away from fellowship when untruths manifest, or actual truths which need be private become the subject of Gossip.

Last night I feel there was a rare opportunity to help one person mend and also for them to find compassion for another as a small intervention by me helped promote tolerance and understanding.

I felt it helped and yet it makes me feel burdened to be off the very straight path I prefer. I need check this out with my sponsor and without going into particulars either.

The road to hell can be paved with good intent. And still I did make a good decision which promotes better understanding and a gift, to let go a resentment hopefully. Yet it still feels underhand.

And in a similar and yet totally unrelated matter, a gift to me. I did check out it was all ok with those higher powers round here (namely the local council) that a small favour was indeed ok and not outside the boundaries. These small things are as big as anything I may do which could impact for good or ill.

With fellowship and good connections the balance is and remains to the good. Not for everyone sadly, and this is something we learn over and over in life inside recovery or out of it.

Some connections we need let go as we move along, and we know when time shows us when we must. The evidence piles up and we let go or do more damage in connection. Sad and true it seems to me..




15th October 2006 [ all about last year]

- Revelations or Adjustments

[ Hi Don,

I know what you mean that a peaceful day can be troubling. But these days the good ones out weigh the bad, and sober can be worked through.

You mentioned friends. They are so important in my recovery. I had a long chat with 'recovery' friend this morning. She still struggles to find that middle road and is still often drawn back to her wine bottles. But we had a laugh about this and that. I feel sad that I can't help her more, but she knows where I am in good or bad times.

Last night I looked back over your old thread. I'm a bit hyper at the mo! It's 2 months to the day since I started reading your posts. I can remember being pretty bamboozled by your words! And then I plucked up the courage to post a reply wondering if I was getting what you were saying. And when you replied it was nice. That old thing of being listened to I guess. And I can understand why you post. I can see how things have changed over 2 months. Like you say a day at a time.

Take care Don, and I hope you are enjoying this lovely sunny day. ]

Thanks XXXX and Hi to you too!

Well, two months! Smiles here, it is to the day since I started posting on the BBC. My word a lot has happened. I have not been back to read any of the last posts. Odd really I seem to look forward rather than back. I suppose when I was going through recent years and making the monthly summaries I did delve a wee bit, but in truth sometimes it can be excruciating to revisit where I was physically, spiritually and emotionally. Those are the three elements of recovery. And my goodness it is a slow process when I consider how life used to bounce along in the past. Or did it just go by without me giving it any real thought. A bit of both I suspect. And some of the past, which needs digging up now and then does tell me where I needed to work through issues and make clear why things happened if only to me.

The why does not matter I find. And the negative elements associated with hanging on to the past seem to have left me for now. It is a part of recovery to do self maintenance, and a lot to do with being in company.

Tonight has been good, I just had a long conversation about the world and all matters connected to living and breathing. One of those really deep conversations which went on for a couple of hours or so. So I am now a little hungry and under pressure to write this before my blood sugar level gets too low before I eat.

My meeting Tonight - A look into the Mirror

We are told, so I am informed that we will hear our own story one day from another in the fellowship. And I guess to a large degree I heard mine tonight. There were such startling similarities it was uncanny. And it made me hear my own words and feelings expressed by another. As near as I would wish. Of course there are differences a plenty, however the sub text and experiences and where we have ended up and the now of life are so similar I could feel my hackles rising in appreciation and a confidence that my path is well trodden by others.

And in a way gave me confidence that even though I may have been more strongly in denial of my need of recovery, and took longer to make my way into recovery, and truthfully I was as stubborn back then as any mule you might encounter, I am here in spite of it all. And even if I last a shorter while than I may have otherwise done, I am on a good path and not a path of destruction.

Acceptance of life as it is seems pretty crucial, and the terms of living change. Our outlook goes where it may. And it seems there has been a coup, a revolution in my outlook and feeling about the world. I think I remarked before I have gone back to where I was in my youth in terms of outlook, faith and belief. With hindsight my world and what I have done has been based on a set of circumstances beyond my control back then. And this is changing for the good. Making my way and the living will be as I determine and make good. A way forward to live as nature intended and without the obsessions of modernity thrust upon me. And I can be passionate about a new way of living and be comfortable it being so.

Now what does this mean? I can endeavour! And I can find a new way of living, and maybe the means may seem a little different to the life I had before, indeed I am full of hope it will be. And the contribution to life will be quite different. Quite what this means practically is yet to be determined, and determined I am. So in many ways there is pleasure and joy in this moment. And maybe some excitement. Smiles here even if I turned out to be a bus driver (which I can‘t actually as my other ailments prevent it)

Of whatever it is to be, it will be far better emotionally and spiritually and consistent with my health. And in recovery…

It was good to hear my story. And good to have the conversation tonight.

I have been reading some of Ghandi’s writings too, which are truly inspirational and humbling. Now my feelings are returning to a more balanced level and I understand where I am in matters, there is greater opportunity, and by being connected life will take shape, and with a clearer head than I have had for many years is my hope for now.

And being aware also of chemistry, one night may be full of hope, reality will break with dawn tomorrow and we shall see. Gradual and incremental changes in outlook are favourable, as is some step change and fundamental shifts to living in the solution and not the problem. Letting go is hard and some things embedded like concrete take their time to change. It is possible, not improbable, as long as we endeavour and keep an open mind. Mine is opening up. About time I hear you say? About time for me too. Darkness is an awful place to be, especially when it will only shift in its own good time and not as I might will it. Will power has no place in these matters. Will power narrows opportunity as surely does the dark itself. About time for some light to come our way I hope. Just for today and another perhaps, time will tell.

Letting go and moving on, so easily said and written, letting go and letting life happen, as it may by happenstance and serendipity. I mentioned this before too maybe these posts have their job for me and it is time to stop. Maybe, maybe not. Times and elements change. As do I..

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Archive October 15 2007 DonInLondon 'Day in the Life'





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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.



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