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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.









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September 3 - 8 2007
copyright© don oddy

September 5 2007

DonInLondon - ‘Day In The Life’ Moving Experiences

I might say relocating experiences too. Its been strange these last two weeks or so. Wondering about moving and then almost out of the blue, having somewhere to move to and then realise I must move right now.

How So?

Those familiar with my story know that the last few years has been quite hard and difficult. The onset and diagnosis of three conditions medically, which have made my situation somewhat precarious. I am not unhappy about being afflicted today. The outcomes for a person like me are really against the odds of living through these maladies is not so good. A betting man may have made a wager on me making it this far. I am relieved and resolute in recovery a day at a time.

Clinical Depression

A condition which I understand has been a part of my biology and chemistry for many years, most likely all my life. This is a condition we find hard to understand as an individual and something we learn to cover up as we grow into mature adults. The severity of clinical depression is not understood by the patient, me in this case, because life has always had a melancholy about it. Even when happy, I have always known the fear of life generally and it having a preponderance to go into decline.

Recovering Alcoholic

No doubt we can see the connection and the utility of self medicating away the depressions and absolute godsend of alcohol, which afforded oblivion from the pain of being, until the last few years where alcohol just took me over and made sure I was secured as an addict.

These two conditions, or diseases, or just what they may be, they made ordinary life pretty much impossible. And the outcome has been a revelation to me.

In the end of my days of drinking I realised the madness of depression and drink, the total distortion of life and living. These days in a programme of recovery with alcoholics anonymous, and of course professional help, I have found some peace and stability.

Type 1 Diabetes

After I got into recovery, and had good medical assessments, another condition arrived out of the blue. That is type 1 diabetes. With all it offers and challenges I was fortunate indeed to have found recovery and rehabilitation which helped me with this third condition.

Overall

The last year has seen some good recovery in some elements of my condition overall and some unfortunate incapacities which offer no improvement and so far some decline in my health generally.

How am I feeling?

Homeless and Rootless

Over the last decade or so I have seen life chances and experiences change radically, a downward spiral into oblivion and the a slow improvement in some ways as the years in recovery have clocked up.

Until this week I have been without a home and had been classified as homeless. Not such a good thing nor a bad one either as the state did find me a roof over my head. And this week a permanent one.

At Home

I am home I feel for the first time in years. The transition will take time, the move has been hard and difficult. The outcome is pretty ok.

I have got some of my belongings back, in store with my local council, most of it so far is missing, I was anticipating its arrival today, and sadly its not good news.

Good News

Although I am home, and without most of my belongings it is good news simply because the roof over my head now is for good.

Bad News

These days I don’t see news so much as bad, but more an acceptance that life will have ups and downs, we need find our way to deal with all eventualities as we can.

My DonInLondon - Day In the Life

Resumes service today.

Today

As today progressed, I have now got a working shower, paint and most decorating underway with help.

A fridge will come tomorrow, one essential I need for insulin storage, and the one thing I must get as my supplies are compromised.

Change of address, change in circumstances, all these things are for the good.

I have no bed, just the bed head and the end of the bed, the middle parts and the mattress like most my goods seem to be lost presently. The Outcome is yet to be determined.

Feelings

I have been busy with some writing, not sure how to share it so far, and as this update is merely filling in the blanks in terms of moving, much other thinking and feeling is happening.

I hope to share more as time permits and my mind can make sense of the changes. I am very tired.

Diabetes

A fellow was sharing about their experience of diabetes, like me they have problems which have caused low blood sugar, then leading to unconsciousness and in their case a seizure. A middle of the night thing.

The outcome for them was to take time out today to recover. I have not shared so much of that in my writing. It does happen to me too, the worry I guess for me or anyone is having help. Fortunately for my fellow they have help to hand. I would wish I did too, but do not. And these things happen, ’hypo’s’ can kill. A reminder for me to keep an eye on me and my diabetes, very timely indeed..

So to bed tonight, well to the floor actually, a bed seems a far off luxury presently, but just for today, its ok.




September 5th 2006

Just Like a Prayer!

Well so it seems smiles, thanks KT for the good wishes, they do mean a lot. Reaching out is what life is all about for me. The medication, hmm, on that score its not working quite as well as I might hope you’ll see why as you read. I think the month is passing by so quickly, a lot of words written, and why? I am still uncertain why I posted here, other than esteem and confidence are
Bedrock to living well, with all life has to offer, both ups and downs…
Anyways

Sometimes I do feel life is a mystery. We think we know we heard people say this and people say that, actually half the time it doesn’t really matter what we hear them say, because they cannot recall saying it either!

And it was a good day yesterday as the world turns and memories fade, we find ourselves in the mystery of the soup of communications. We need not worry too much as we know our own part in matters. Providing of course we are responding and not reacting to matters ongoing. We are all as culpable when it comes to miscommunication, and when wires get crossed people can become cross.

Self esteem can really be knocked for six when we don’t attend to our own needs and we get bogged down in being helpful. I have gratitude for some wisdom from another fellow concerning matters of service, so important for me in recovery and so important to keep my fellowship going.

Part of the deal of recovery requires me to engage in life as much as I can, and with my various impediments it really needs to be a sensible approach. I had a really enjoyable half hour making the tea at my Monday night venue. And there were probably about twenty or thirty people there. So it’s a bit of good service to do tea and coffee and provide a welcome for new and old fellows alike.

There are consequences, of course it was good to do the job, but now my poor old ‘dogs are barking’. That is my feet hurt. And although least of all me expected to be so affected, its not the half hour standing, it’s the shopping for supplies and the walks to and from the venue, shop and home which I had not calculated. And I’d certainly not considered the extra would leave me somewhat incapacitated. Dumb? Well I live and learn.
And I learned something else again which had been forgotten, Service is good to do. We have tea duties, greeting duties and other admin functions associated with fellowship meetings. So maybe the answer is to do another which doesn’t need me to stand or get things. Just admin or something. And there is telephone service for AA too. I can still do things, not all the things, but more and be as involved.
Confidence building for me then, it certainly was last night and enjoyed just being able to do a bit more. All I need do is find what I can do and what I cannot, and get wise over the difference. Pushing too hard one way to please people, like I did last night only backfires on me and limits today as walking is more difficult. And the amitriptyline, I don’t think it has had time to work on my feet yet, or the dose is not high enough.
What I do know though the only thing I have changed, diet or medication is the amitriptyline, and I got nearly four hours sleep.

Getting a life again

I am still wondering how to get into more mainstream living, work still is a priority on my agenda. And it seems one or two people closely have picked up on my concerns to make it across the bridge to modern living. And yet we seem driven by different motivations.
I have been hearing from other fellows how helpful I have been to them and they see me in some role akin to my old living, mainly helping others in some way. And like in the song which Madonna sang, the line in it about life being a mystery and everyone must stand alone, well I realise none of us stand alone and survive too well.

My motivation for working is a drive for involvement and fulfilment, and as a by product to earn enough to cover needs. I am quite turned off by the pursuit of wants. Wants drove me mad and made me needy for things which have little intrinsic value. And the wants were my focus when my world turned to crap.

I reckon a move into work which is vocational and manageable is most likely my route. And I need not be influenced by others perceptions or their values. I feel the sense in others, they might enjoy the life experience which has afforded me the opportunity to develop under utilised skills and knowledge I have in my Noggin. I doubt though they would enjoy the life experiences which made it all possible. Helping and supporting people out of their darkness and sheer hard graft do take their toll. And always I pushed myself beyond others limits. Hard won wisdom enables me to view next steps to a new set of criteria and a more rounded approach. It will not stop me striving or curtail endeavour. And what I have fits more than one industry out there.

I need not however assume others values or beliefs, or be driven to do things which they think I might do. Its better I apply my understanding and wisdom to make an economy work for me in the long run, and one which fits my capacity. Or I end up doing life for the sake of it and for all the wrong reasons. I have done that gig already

About the meeting

Anonymity is the key. So my reflections come out of being there and what it meant for yours truly. It was a more in depth meeting than the usual general ones which are all over London. Did you know we have over six hundred venues weekly in London? Thousands attend each week, a day at a time.

We were listening to someone sharing their view and outlook on a theme I have written about already, and as you know by now, we are repetitive in our doings, hoping some new wisdom comes to us as we cover familiar ground over and over. And it does, because our listening ability changes all the time. What we miss one week, we get the next, or next month or next year.

We know full well after a few weeks into recovery we are impaired in our abilities as our new path is so sharp and scratchy, we have no confidence or esteem to speak of, we just soak in words, not necessarily understanding. We are learning to be human again after all. So repetition is good.

Came to believe…

Yes we come to the conclusion in recovery that something more than just us is needed to get us out of the crap, and be restored to sanity. And last night a lot of us realised its not just that we need our sanity back in this mad, mad world, we want something better than what drove us to drink in the first place. So while we do favour some restoration, we also need to see the world differently as well and find a better way of living in it.

As I had finished up tea stuff and joined slightly later I missed the beginning of our speakers experience strength and hope. And I was adjusting myself to listening and seeing my fellows. It struck me, what a hugely diverse group we were. All different walks of life, listening to one person and getting a chance to consider our recovery and next steps.

The fellowship is all about diversity and renewal

Yes all of us, shattered and lost, different and diverse, and still with this common purpose, to live soberly a day at a time. And our strength and unity and consideration of each other allows us to grow and mature again. And we all go different paths, to different lives. And we have mutual respect in the main, and we are human and can be gossipy.

Gossip

We know gossip and words behind closed doors kills. We know the anonymous thing is so important, and we need to let people have a place to share their success and worries as they manifest. And we all need to feel safe and be able to express what is on our minds. We only get good at letting out our concerns and personal stuff as our esteem grows and we realise whatever we have to say has been said a million times before and no one is judging us. And we make it a principle to keep faith with not gossiping and not revealing names and who is there. What we see and hear, we leave it where it was spoken. Hence my generalities and not specifics, unless its me, or there would be nothing to write about here.
Sometimes some do get a bit into saying too much and usually there is someone about to point out that gossip does kill, and undermines. Anyone who has worked with others know that gossip happens. It is just like on TV and the soaps, where people are forever comparing and intimating what they know or what they believe. And it can be so destructive. So we try our best.

It feels like home

And in many ways the meetings do feel like home for me. Where I can air my insides out. Where I can get things off my chest and no one really is listening too closely. And along the way in the last couple of years I have found mentors and friends who can give me feedback and help me when my confidence is low and esteem shot to hell. That is why we suggest its good to keep coming back, even when there is a relapse or slip back to drink. Get back as soon as, or the consequences are trying to be normal or hiding and isolating as our world falls apart yet again.

Odd for me, Prayer and Meditation

My Mum was a yoga teacher for many years and somehow being around her and her influence, I did pick up on the meditation part of life. I got the idea quickly and over the years probably did a lot of it too. The prayer side of life, well it has been ramshackle as my faith in a deity has been somewhat lacking.

Oh My God - we do talk to ourselves

The old joke that one the first signs of madness is we find we are talking to ourselves, either in our heads or speaking out loud to ourselves when no one is there. Yet we all do this all day long. We all have an inner voice which talks to us and we externalise it too. Most often in exclamation like "Oh my God, I don’t believe it!" And other phrases too, they are there in our heads.

Fortunately while a belief in God is useful, it is not the necessity =in our fellowship and we all develop a notion that there are powers greater than ourselves we might consult when we need help. AA is one, for me a primary one for wisdom and guidance from ordinary people sharing how to make life work again, and then we go do it in a way which works in our world. So we do stand alone in a fashion, albeit with a lot of help and support, we might not always see or acknowledge.

Prayer and Meditation is something we all do, all day long. What we do when we formalise it, is provide focus on issues and stuff relevant to our life and circumstances. Through consciously focussing we get better at solving problems and situations. And with a little extra experience and wisdom thrown in from sources we trust, we get more confident with our lives and outcomes.

We know too that life ain’t a bed of roses. Or as Forest Gump said, its like a box of chocolates, you don’t always know what you are going to get, or words similar.

So life’s mysteries

Yes life I thought it is mysterious and outcomes are not necessarily what I might have envisaged. Would I ever have realised there was life beyond some incapacities? Not really. And as to how I felt about myself last night. Well I felt ok, and not at my full capacity, but good enough. As to where my future will take me? Quite uncertain, and yet not worried as to what it might be.

I can be stuck

I realise that the hard knocks over the years froze me in some ways I had not really taken on board fully. When we are the mouse spinning in that wheel in a cage, we are so stuck in our problems we cannot see a way out. And this feels like me for years. I hear it over and over in meetings and we get maddened sometimes so when we hear others so stuck, at the same time a look in the mirror tells me how stuck I got, scared fearful, snafu’d and so close to expiration anything from here on in is on top of a life expended as nature gave me.

Memory Lane - flashbacks in meetings

A partner some time back, a significant and absolute darling lady. She left me, and I knew she had to. At the time it was her need and desire to get freedom and find out who she was and is today. We did find ways to contact each other, mainly I could not let go. And recently she let me know if we had not split up we would have never separated, and most likely we would have spent our time saving each other from the next whatever might happen. I agree, and in going out of my life, however painful it was even in remembering, I have gratitude today, where there was only anger and grief. Words and deeds over the years, when we look back, can cripple for a long time, and then we are freed somehow. Time and patience and letting go creates room for new life, as we can then move along.

We don’t forget, we can forgive and own our part, and be human, for our world can surely turn again as we learn all life’s skills. Experience and understanding are the key in comprehending acceptance, and then moving on and changing our lives makes acceptance complete.

Maybe this is our hardest learning if life, it goes on and so must we. We never squander life, and nothing is ever wasted, wisdom comes from paucity and abundance in all our elements of living.

"To err is human, to forgive divine" – Alexander Pope. Sometimes I wonder about Pope and this quote, it provides me with much to ponder. I know I have no God like powers and this can be upsetting in modern forgiving and human doings. I will write some more about this. I would suggest this now, however, we do have opportunity to forgive ourselves and our parts in life. And we need accept consequences as they are and so improve our confidence, trust in ourselves and our esteem too as we change to our good and good conscience.

Going home

It is amazing what trammels through our heads in quick time, and for me I seem to need to slow down. I walked part of the way home with another fellow, with many years of life in a sober world for her. We agreed on our humanness being our saving grace, and that on a daily basis our human qualities are to make mistakes and with providence, learn from them. Some things though, they take forever to shift inside us.
We agreed isolation will keep us going round in circles, we need others for wisdom and often to nail one of our feet to the floor so we stay long enough in one place to see, to hear, and then speak some truth.

This morning

Someone said to me of Life, that ignorance can make us believe that life functions haphazardly. Wisdom teaches, that everything that happens in life has profound significance. What we see today is not the product of chance but fruit from seeds planted in the past. When we plant seeds of peace now we make opportunity for a life of peace in the future. Sounds a lot like something the Brahma Kumari's would say, I am sure it is, they are a good source of spiritual stuff and very practical.

My head is still not quite what it was last week, and I am concerned. Two steps forwards and one step back is how it feels this morning. At least that is a step in the right direction and hopefully I’ll stay with it just for today. Its just gone 6:00AM and my meds taken and blood sugar is spot on at 6.4, porridge next, and morning news. What is going on in our mad world? At least I’m looking out and not in. Now that is a miracle!

Copyright © Don Oddy

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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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To September 10 2007









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"The Big Issue"

The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






UK Lottery



Introvert/Extrovert?








Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.





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