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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.









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DonInLondon London Times August 26
London 'Local' Times 2007

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Writer & Commentator on Life



August 2007
copyright© don oddy

August 26 2007

DonInLondon - ĎDay In The Lifeí Sunny Day Vague and Weary

Seems like I have slept for a year! Actually eight hours in a row. Now bad for an insomniac. Chronic sleep disorders are not fixed in a day, yet it seems for a few weeks at least I have improved.

Less Worry More Living The Day

It does feel so, the days have been very straight and enterprising, endeavouring and getting on with what is in front of me.

Powerless Powered Up Living - Peace and Clarity

I realise with my morning meditation, powerless over people places and things, yet powered up to make simple straightforward choices in my living and conduct.

Work with the world and not fight it, offer suggestions not edicts. Accept there is so much I may do and then accept there is so much anyone can do just for today.

Acceptance of safe boundaries, challenging the status quo. We need to accept the world as it is as we see it, and how it works. And also challenge our perceptions of what we see.

Including others and sharing and building wisdom daily is a frame of mind. We can find acceptance of how things are right now, and still develop where and what else we may do to mutual advantage

Life in Lifeís Terms

Is feeling the way we do, accept and acknowledging where we are with our living. Making progress and amending and liberating our path to good events and sad events. We need meet life as real, and deal with consequences, see what cannot change, work at changing where we are able, and of course knowing the difference!

Practice Makes Imperfect in this Perfect World

When we realise the world is perfectly imperfect, that we are on a journey, destination guaranteed, what we have on the way is what makes our living worthwhile.

Without pain we donít know relief. Without sadness we cannot experience the joy of life. Without endeavour we cannot experience the greatness of being.

All these feelings we have, from love as the highest and supra-ordinate emotion in our repertoire to the deeps of peace and desolation. We are gifted as we live to our capacities and more.

Deeps

Our depth as we tread the journey from cradle to certainty, we are best rewarded with all life offers to our emotional journey.

Spiritual

There is no need to find God lurking in our spiritual path, indeed we are never meant to offer our supplication to a deity, indeed the falseness of any message made by man falters in understanding the workings of this universe and its purpose. Our purpose is determined by providence, nature and our own imagination.

We are merely the product of evolution, beyond most our understanding and god offers a choice to good or the devil to bad. Soaked in our own myth of importance we can find no peace in justifying ourselves to our ourselves. Which is why God is so attractive in defence of our humanity. Whether ego makes us slaves to faith and believe that we are that important, or esteem wishes it so. Redemption is here today in our conduct and not judgment in the hereafter.

God

May you find him now? God exists as we determine the existence of God.
I am happy to determine that God is our higher power to the good of good conscience. If I were God? I would start over. I am not God so starting over is for me to do from where I come.

Spiritual is simple Truth

With our capacity to imagine and our infinite invention of our truth, we are best dealing as we may in truth for the present and not some recollection or some absolute. We breathe truth as the day goes. We forgetful humans remind ourselves and make some living important, of value and make our truth fit it.

Denial

The gift of forgetful peaceful living. We need denial through harsh times and truth to play catch up if we live that long.

Day

Spiritual is truth in this day as we make it work. Let it be so..

And thank God we can




August 26th 2006 [all about last year]

There are No Holidays in Recovery

This might sound worse than is imagined. It is very true, there are never any holidays when it comes to recovery, and I can thank whoever said it to me. I have a horrible feeling it was someone connected to a place which was a hell on earth for me, a place of abuse and neglect and mistaken dreams of mine. Iíll share about this sometime, not today.
Iíve been keeping my blood sugar a little higher the past couple of days after the hypo I had. Itís just 8.7, just 2 points higher than it need be, but I donít want or need another hypo this week. And whatever was causing the changes, a cold or whatever is still hanging about, I took some extra juice for vitamin c, just in case too. And I got three hours sleep in a row, which is good.

News changes daily, and as I try to keep things in the day. I am still wondering about this news. I practice the mantra of accept those things I cannot change and change the things I can, and work at knowing the difference. And a bit of news to make me wonder.

I had a letter from the Dept of Work and Pensions, the DWP. After the DWP Doctor assessment and the upsetting nature of what happened, with all the information misleading me and their Doctor, he still seems to assessed me as unfit right now for work. And I am not sure or happy or sad. In fact I donít know how to feel. The painful awareness that this assessment has big implications about next steps and such. I want to work at something at the same time he has come to the conclusion I did too. But it is unhelpful and I will go seek more advice. And I donít know about how this all happened as fast as it did. Normal communications are prolonged and very hard on me, waiting. At least the wait for this is over and I have some more things to discuss with my psychiatrist next week. I donít feel comfortable or right or relief. I feel disoriented and cast off, useless to a large extent. Anyway..

There are no holidays in recovery. Whatever we recover from, itís a day at a time and recovery means we are vigilant and we need address the nature of life as it happens. Planning can make all things achievable or be a set up to pain and frustration. I need be careful not to set myself up and make my expectations of me too high or others too high either. Just take life as it is.
Back in the day, when life meant I could take a day off from me, when I could get out of my head, hmm. Those days are so far away now, where a few drinks to relax and all too often ended up me getting off my face, those days back then are gone. If ever I even contemplated being out of it, well the implications are so dangerous with diabetes, let alone the primary solution on a daily basis is still sobriety, for without it, nothing will work or be possible. I am glad there are no holidays in recovery.

I mentioned working with my feelings on a daily basis, the thing about asking myself, how am I feeling, why and what can I do. This is really a good thing to attempt. And with it I recall every day, what I am powerless over too, people, places and things. That is I have no power or will over people or places or things. And if I ever do consider this to be part of my life, it will certainly become unmanageable. I can manage my choices on a daily basis for myself and my conduct. And this is good in good conscience.

Feelings

How do we know how to feel? I know I am like every other human being, equipped with all the feelings we have from our nature, the upside and what some feel are the downside, the negatives. Actually feelings are just what they are. And although we donít like all our feeling abilities we still have them. So as we can love, we can hate, as we can feel joy, we can feel sad and so on.

But if you are like me, well we are taught some feelings are good and some feelings are bad or inappropriate.

And we do definitely learn how to feel as our world changes. So if our world is full of love, we love. And if our world is full of hate, we hate, we learn as we go. And same for joy, we can be good at joy, and crap at being sad, because we may have less experience. Or we have great experience of being sad and never know how to live joy. And so it goes.

And you know as well as me, we are taught not to feel things which get on others nerves. We are taught to suppress our feelings from early times because they donít fit with what is going on or are inappropriate. Yet while we may suppress and not learn our feelings completely, they are still there and still part of us.

I learned fear well as a kid. Not from home when I was small. I learned fear from the outside world, where punishment seemed to be everywhere, for even feeling good and happy, and content. There is always someone ready to pour water on the fire of good as well as bad.
And fear is good to learn, it keeps us safe. But the down side of it, it means we donít learn our other feelings as well. Like how to express anger and hurt, in case we get worse for our trouble.
I never really learned anger. And found it completely unhelpful not learning anger later in life. Had I been able to express anger properly, then to the right amount for whatever it was that got on my nerves, then I feel life could have had better balance.
Not learning some feelings, it makes us one sided, or half of our potential and less than balanced maybe, well maybe or not. As a result suppressed anger can become rage inside and rage inside burns and boils its way through our inner being as corrosively as acid on us, and not where it may be best used on those who angered us a bit in the first place.
Rage inside cuts us deep and makes us suppress it even more because we donít know what to do with it. I am learning that rage is an extreme I simmered a long time, and turned it on myself. When in fact it would have been better to direct my anger where it was due, appropriately and to the right amount, usually small and usually digestible. And usually to resolve a dispute of feelings with others.

Expression of feelings to their rightful amounts in the moment of feeling them enables passage to our next proper set of feelings without making our world completely out of balance as we store up troubles for our next part of life. Ill feeling that drags on drags us down or up to wherever we have got stuck.

Feelings good news and bad news

The good news is I am learning all my feelings again, the bad news is I am crap at it, well to an extent. I can have gold stars for some feelings, and tin stars for some others. What I need is probably silver and bronze stars as feelings get used in the day and to their appropriate level. And this I am learning.

Fear of people, places and things, this is a tough gig. I fear so much I donít know where it starts or ends sometimes. And my impact on others is a constant wonder and worry. My impact on me, uncertainty as I learn afresh in the world of feeling.

And I fear most something and everything which stops me feeling this world as it is. Like depression of course. And to treat that and feel ordinary and get my chemistry in order I do take an anti depressant called an NRI. Briefly and as described this is what it is and does:
"noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors

A deficiency in noradrenaline neurotransmission is thought to be the underlying cause of many mood disorders, such as depression. Noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors block the sites where noradrenaline is taken back into the presynaptic neuron, and prevent the deactivation of the neurotransmitter. In this way, noradrenaline transmission is enhanced, correcting the deficiency common in many affective disorders."

Actually after I worked out what the drug did, it does one thing, help my brain function to ordinary. It does not bring happiness or allow for a heightened out of the ordinary feeling. It restores balance and hopefully some sort of normal. It is definitely not a happy pill.

As you may have noticed, I have gone through the mill these past few months, but its nowhere near as bad as being so severely depressed nothing is possible, which is how I was at the beginning of the year, when I switched from one anti depressant to another. And this "NRI" I take is compatible with type 1 diabetic control.

Mirtazapine

Last year and the year before. Well it was a mess. From taking no anti depressant medication I was prescribed mirtazapine. So I went from severe depression to reasonable depression. That is I was functioning to somewhere below par, but ordinary. And the benefit of mirtazapine is some regular pattern of sleep, about 4-5 hours a day.

The problem though, as I then got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last year, (yes it was out of the blue and not expected, as all my organs had been surveyed and inspected many times in my recovery) mirtazapine and insulin treatment helped me gain weight alarmingly.

I went from 13stone 10lbs, to 18stone in five months, and actually just about 19 stone just before xmas last year, the 19 stone figure was on other scales not at the hospital, so 19 is what I know, not what the hospital know.

So to combat weight, I had to wean myself off mirtazapine (an SSRI)for a month and then start Reboxetine, an NRI gradually to the current dose. The impact was dramatic, I crashed and found myself back in a severe episode of depression as one stopped and the other started.
Reboxetine is working without a doubt as the severe depression has lifted to the usual and persistent depression which is manageable. I donít sleep of course which is a side effect of the drug, as well as others those of you in the know will be aware. For those who are not, well really you donít want to.

You might ask then why not sleeping pills? Answer for me as an addict, it would harm me and put me back in a dependence which would harm my recovery. Sleeping pills are addictive. Even those nice zoplicone ones which are not meant to be. Actually the most effective sleeping pill of all time is no longer available to me or anyone I think. I wonít mention it but I am glad in a way, it was used for other purposes by nasty people, all I know it guaranteed 8 hours oblivion and no headache or memoryÖ I think you get the picture.

The good news is I have consistently lost weight since I stopped mirtazapine. From the confirmed 18 stone the hospital checked, I am now 15 stone and still going down to where we think normal will be, yet to be agreed. So about three stones lost in five months. And to make sure I donít digest too much fat, I then started xenical a couple of months after the reboxetine, which stops some of my fat digestion. itís a nasty little addition to a diet, and is not recommended by me. Honest.

Xenical works though and the side effects mainly are, you always know where there is a toilet, because if you eat anything out, you can guarantee a compulsory visit to the loo. It is a certainty! If you donít know where the toilet is, man are you in troubleÖ
Good job I donít anything with fat in it, eat out, or eat any fast food, or Iíd be on the bog all day.

Anyway thatís some more of me and my regime.

Last Night

Last night was odd, my regular meeting on a Friday is just nearby. And with some regulars missing, like the organisers and speaker, it could have been a bit of a problem. In AA though we always seem to have back up round here. There are always others who will pick up the baton and get things underway, which we (they who knew, but we in the sense of fellowship) did. And someone volunteered to speak. So we had a good meeting and were only concerned our regular people were ok, no doubt they are and we will find out in due course. As we keep all things manageable we donít get worried when plans alter at the last minute or harbour resentments if we are long enough in the programme, we just get on and make things work. Now that is recovery!

I am going on a bit here, so I better stop and have my porridge and insulin for breakfast, good job they are both diet compatible and Don friendly, or my early morning meeting would be impossible, more later cheers for now

Copyright © Don Oddy

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Introvert/Extrovert?








Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.





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