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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.









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August 2007
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Publish August 10 2007

DonInLondon - August 9 2007 ‘Day In the Life’

Getting Back on Track

Strange for me, I wonder if I am really getting back on track. Or am I just finding myself on track at last? In my day by day living, planning anything can lead to under achieving, over achieving, or just not sure, somewhere in between.

From the words last year, when I was still pretty raw with new incapacities, it was hard to share my story. When we share our life experience in AA we share our experience strength and hope. Last year I felt like the hope was less, the strength somewhat feeble and the experiences just seemed to be more bad news and then more bad news.

Today

A good start and getting a few things sorted and admin, making sure all my details are up to date with those who need to know.

TV in America

I was approached by a TV media company about sharing my videos on one of their channels. When it came to understanding the purpose and what they were about, I was concerned. The you tube videos are really about making life work and keeping in recovery from incapacities experienced. And also my feeling with the videos on you tube is they are for people to watch if they are looking for recovery. I never really thought of them as anything else. So I will post them to you tube. A personal view of recovery might easily be mistaken for something else, and that would make me feel very awkward indeed.

By lunchtime my head was cloudy and not so happy. I had a couple of calls and felt stretched trying to help friends. Then to do updates to my web sites, computer repairs and also offering support and suggestions to another with issues not in their control.

So by lunch I went off to St Jude’s to an AA meeting. I biked to St Jude’s, and sat and listened to wise words and felt better for being in company.

And After

Rather than go home and feel more isolated I went off on a ride into the centre of town, took photos and found some scenes of interest to me.

And then home for a wash and brush up. And then to a meeting tonight.

Tonight

I feel better for two meetings, I don’t know why I felt dislocated and quite miserable earlier, its fatigue I suspect. And the Sun helped. And also spending time with my Sister tonight.

Full Days

My days have been so full recently and the pressure I have put on myself to keep routines and outlooks to the good, can work against me. I need slow down as mental fatigue is a real issue always for me.

Sharing and Chairs

Being in a meeting and not the focus of anything I just feel better. Last year this day and tomorrow I had been asked to do "chairs." Chairs are for us to share our experience strength and hope. And in expression we are hoping we feel better as the world knows our truth. Last year they made me feel pretty unhappy, and drained and lost somewhere. This year I am ambivalent, sometimes I feel better other times less so. The crushing depressions of last year are less than, just for now.

So tomorrow I am to do a chair in the evening. With luck it will be good to share. I am nearly at the end date of my year in recovery writings. Where next?

More of the same maybe as it seems cathartic, but I feel some other media or form may be better. And the content may change as my attention focuses on new vistas.. It was a good day today.




August 10 2006

Let’s Talk [ principal speaker - doing a chair]

Its about me! When we speak as the "chair" its all about me..

Now a few hours after talking how am I feeling? I feel no different to before talking in the sense there is no elation and no feeling of burdens removed. Its been a lesson I guess to share some things with other fellows. And its done nothing for how I feel. I wonder if this is ok, or there may be some delayed reaction, or maybe I have missed something along the way.

Talking in public, well nearly I guess, an open fellowship meeting and on the spot to discuss how I deal with my moral inventory. A moral inventory, of me. I am wondering how many times I have done this already and reflect the times spent in therapeutic process. I don’t know how much more there is to say about my moral inventory. I have taken my own inventory so often over the years and examined with professionals all elements of conduct. I know my faults and where they occur, that they are reactions to situations where there is danger and obvious alarm, and how to respond rather than react. Maybe this has delayed relief as promised from those in the know about sharing and doing the chair at meetings. And yet I knew there would be no spark of anything in particular.

Maybe the burdens have been carried and discarded. Maybe other process has been utilised in order to free my mind of obsession around my conduct. Maybe I have already discerned my part in my past, and maybe its enough to share as much honesty and truth as I can muster without overburdening feelings other than the moment I share. Maybe I have learned a few things along the way. Or maybe I am so far in denial cannot see the truth? I suspect cynical readers may subdue those feelings if they knew my insides out.

And so to speaking in a group, no old fears or new ones and no relative shocks to the system as fear was not my key. Fear as before, and then years as the actor delivering this and that. And now a more authentic share with less the actor and more me. And still I cannot discern relief or burdens or anything other than trying to share honestly. And I still challenge my ability to be honest. it’s a real difficult thing. To keep on sharing old news and maybe a bit of new news.

And there were noises off, disturbances from other parts of the building, I was wondering if others were concerned, it seemed some had. I did not hear the disturbance. Anyway its done now. And the worry I had over the event, it seems was no bigger or smaller than anyone speaking with a subject they know well, themselves and their inventory.

I guess when we have had opportunity to deal with much of what we are, when we have been analysed inside out by professionals and been therapeutically processed over and over, doing it again for others to hear is just the sharing of knowledge. But I know I am far from perfect in my behaviour overall, and much is there to resolve in future conduct and amends to make when time permits and no hurt to inflict.

In other times I imagine this would have been a pivotal moment. Not so now. I have been through all this so many times before. But I do ask myself what have I learned from sharing.

Well first was preparation was limited to understanding the context. And listening to others who are longer around in the fellowship. And doing what is suggested. I did what was suggested and approached sharing without a script, just enough to place a framework and try keep on track with the moral inventory.

And of course the good news with something like this is the feedback. And my careful listening to how others shared back to me their experiences helped me understand the context of my next steps in the recovery programme.

More so in recent months I realise that through osmosis we move to acting and behaving differently. We become aware of where we were and how we are now, and painfully we recognise where others are too in their recovery process. It is cathartic and with a neutral balance when others relate, it is easier to understand the journey I have been taken from a broken wreck, to more pleasant and balanced individual. And as I relate, becoming better at honest sharing. And this honest sharing is difficult, it needs care, for without due care and attention we might hurt others as our story unravels into theirs. No amelioration of truth, at the same time putting the share across in words which enable enlightened movement in thinking rather than disablement of listening and staying the same. I am aware of these things, and still err on the honest share.

I feel flat actually as if the process has worked and still there is so much more to do. An action programme for sure. And more levels to explore, as time permits. When and where? As time permits…

Some things become obvious and some things are relevant to me, associations in the fellowship so easy to fall into, and so easy to feel others weight upon my shoulders. And these things I take with great care and realise association can be helpful and a real hindrance too. I am my own man at last and need no other trying to offer a hand, or lend me to their needs and desires for fulfilment. There is much projection and sadness around and still waters are not that deep in the fellowship as angry voices make their presence felt. And softer ones need more listening to hear their truth along the way. We need compassion and care for sure. And not take inventory of others. As we are apt to do.

Maybe this is my big learning and the learning from the meeting, about inventory of others. Knowing others and what they say, and hearing their words we can rush to judgments. And the judgments may be correct or erroneous, it is not for me to explore too far, I am not their analyst in fact, although I see the need and so realise I need take care of me, and keep clear my goal in this programme of recovery.

The bridge to modern living. Or just a bridge to get back to being ordinary in an ordinary world. Well it seems there is a price to pay. And that is hearing where others are still looking for that bridge and still are focussed deep within on matters of the inventory. And that inventory, they seek clarity and its written large and easy to see as denial is fading in some and growing in others where the writing on the wall is so small it cannot be made out at all. Denial plays a key role in saving many for as long as it takes to face more openly the imbalances of where nurture has taken us and nature has been distorted from its opportunity to make good on what we have.

Good conscience, my forever friend. Well now, back with me again, and missed for many a long year. I am sad good conscience got lost along the way of living and things have taken longer than maybe I might have wished. But not right now. For this is the real world where things will run their course and we get opportunity and time if we have the luck to make on our good conscience. Or we die without opportunity to see the reality of where we are.

Our active programme where we get to find our balance in this world…

To some extent we do. And even when we face some other challenges like me. I did something good I see. I shared the truth of all my current maladies. The conditions which are part of me. Two diseases one of mind and one of body, well they know now, what it means for me plus being in recovery. Not the details for that would take another thousand years and still provide no real understanding.

As was commented on my way home by another fellow as we walked, if we don’t experience the actual conditions others have, how can we possibly understand completely what it means to deal with life on life’s terms as they are. And my fellow companion is right, which is why we best keep to our own recovery and not to judge others too harshly as they make their steps to that bridge to modern living.

And yes progress and not perfection is the key.

I am sad as some things will never change, and as we fellows gather, all manner of inventorial matters become illuminated as we speak and share our journeys altogether. The harshness and the guts of us spills out for all to see.

I am reminded of my father and all he learned as life was given and given harshly to him. He said some words which resonate more now than ever. And maybe these words can only be understood with time served living.

His words to me about how we value others along our life and journey. These words were shared just before he died, and applied to himself as much as anyone on his conduct in living, and also to me and how others and I treated each other.

Dad said he wondered greatly how he had treated my mother. And used three words to sum up how he measured his conduct. Three words for him to apply to himself and loving. The first was &;, and then two harsher words to apply with judgment, superficiality and indifference. And Dad judged himself hard at the end of his life. And I cannot deny his judgment of himself, although I tried to abrogate his judgment, he did not flinch at all.

And I realise these measuring words for him helped me see the way I had been treated back then in a relationship so dear it near killed me. At the time I would have preferred to die I know now, and did my best to drink out my pain in oblivion. And then Dad died too, and that was most likely the worst double hit for me in my life so far for there is more no doubt. And the ending of a partnership, where I now know &my girl; and love back then, she needed to move away from me. And his death too in weeks. Those were painful days. And grieved for years. I recognise her need to part company now, as I always did even before she left, but back then love played its way to obsession and far worse feelings as grief made sure my dark was deep.

And as any madman driven to insanity by love lost, applying dreadful judgments on my conduct and that of others made for a devil in disguise as I plundered living and made my way to more grief as the years ensued. I never knew how to deal with those nasty shocks, not matter what I knew of anything to do with human doings.

And living through those times and better able to apply the tools my father used, they need only apply to me and not to others as indeed the journey we all live is ours. We can apply our tools of learning to ourselves and when we embark on judgment of others we might be best served and desist as soon as reaction sparks us to that alert, and respond with better care than anger surely will deliver where others are yet to find their path similar or not to mine.

So the sharing has offered others a view to living towards a more balanced outlook, my experience is their knowledge learned of me, the journey is their own.

And as to hope…

I hope I have learned in all these years some balance and some understanding how I may find the real me. And that is a lifetime goal, a day at a time for me. We think its simple as were are driven along by events and circumstances. Others realise early in life their goals, and me I am a bit long in the tooth, and yet I realise with just enough clarity, my journey a day at a time provides much sustenance for an injured soul like mine.

My hope is better understanding of humanity and our good conscience to a better way of life, where we do enrich and enable each other to become our true selves as time permits and nature intended. And with nurture and our devils brew of living today, we can merely make this day work towards our spiritual growth and connection to the moment and the ever present, present.

And be aware for our drift to ego along the way. In ego’s drift many a fine body and soul resides in splendour and maybe a happy ignorance of other ways to live. All I need mind today is my journey and how I conduct myself along the way and leave judgment applied in care and trust to just one soul and that is my own. And nurture where and when I can through sharing what I learn along the way, so challenged and debated openly, no perfect answer ever need apply to you and me.

And I know with clarity, there will be times when anger spills and rhetoric made, will spit with venom and then subside to let it pass as time permit’s the human mind to grip the darkness we need experience, or there will be no enlightenment to share.

Light and dark we make good our way to balance, and our journey just one day to live, and start afresh as we are able. Progress not perfection, and forgiveness comes with change, where true acceptance makes life work and not a gift from sanctimony to our fellows as good conscience finds its way …

In future when asked to share as chair, I will accept as asked and not say no as a default stance. And with due diligence make good that task, with reservations to my personal needs and others who may be there, be careful and with balanced view keep faith with good conscience in my mind.

Intent for sure and then I will endeavour where I can to make good as time permits in good conscience…

-/-





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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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MoD issues gag order on armed forces August 10 2007




New restrictions on blogs, emails, websites and text messages

Audrey Gillan

Sweeping new guidelines barring military personnel from speaking about their service publicly have been quietly introduced by the Ministry of Defence, the Guardian has learned.

Soldiers, sailors and airforce personnel will not be able to blog, take part in surveys, speak in public, post on bulletin boards, play in multi-player computer games or send text messages or photographs without the permission of a superior if the information they use concerns matters of defence

They also cannot release video, still images or audio - material which has previously led to investigations into the abuse of Iraqis. Instead, the guidelines state that "all such communication must help to maintain and, where possible, enhance the reputation of defence".

The regulations, issued by the Directorate of Communication Planning, come in the wake of the row over the MoD allowing two of the HMS Cornwall sailors held captive in Iran to be paid for their stories. Receiving money for interviews, conferences and books which draw on official defence experience has now been banned.

The MoD document, circulated last week, covers "all public speaking, writing or other communications, including via the internet and other sharing technologies, on issues arising from an individual's official business or experience, whether on-duty, off-duty or in spare time".

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Times OnLine August 10 2007


Foreign doctors face competence inquiry August 10 2007




David Rose

Britain’s medical regulator has launched a major inquiry into the competence of foreign doctors after it emerged that they are now twice as likely to face disciplinary hearings as UK medical graduates.

Figures seen by The Times also reveal that triple the number of doctors who trained abroad were struck off the UK medical register last year compared with 2005.

The findings, part of a report compiled by the General Medical Council, have prompted the profession’s regulator to commission seven research projects, which will cover issues including the competence of foreign doctors and whether they are subject to institutional racism within the health service.

More than 5,000 cases were dealt with by the GMC in 2006, 303 of which culminated in fitness-to-practise hearings and 54 doctors were struck off. Of these, nearly two thirds - 35 doctors - had trained outside the UK.

The range of offences included sexual misconduct, dishonesty and failing to provide an adequate level of care for patients. Among the cases in the past three months have been a Hungarian doctor struck off for dishonesty, a Nigerian for clinical incompetence and misdiagnosis and an American-trained doctor who had sexually harassed a nurse. One Spanish-trained psychiatrist was found to have abused his position over the use of prescription drugs.

Last month Gordon Brown pledged to tighten checks on medical staff who trained overseas after three NHS doctors were charged in connection with the attempted car bomb attacks on London and Glasgow.

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http://news.independent.co.uk/world/africa/article2851447.ece August 10 2007



A President in denial, a ravaged nation denied hope

Thabo Mbeki's stance on Aids has left South Africa with the world's worst HIV epidemic. Yesterday, he silenced the woman fighting to end the suffering of millions

By Katherine Butler, Foreign Editor

The fight against Aids in South Africa, the epicentre of the global pandemic, has been dealt a devastating blow.

President Thabo Mbeki stunned and outraged campaigners yesterday by sacking the country's deputy health minister, the woman credited with ending a decade of Aids denialism at the heart of the South African political leadership.

Activists fear that the decision spells a disastrous political regression on Aids, which could cost the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. More than 1,000 people a day in South Africa die of Aids. One in 10 is HIV positive, which is significantly higher than anywhere else in the world. And 1,400 people are newly infected with HIV every day. But only a third of those who need life-saving Aids drugs receive them.

The sacked minister, Nozizwe Madlala-Routledge, is an outspoken critic of President Mbeki and his Health Minister, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang and the way they have handled the epidemic. She was the co-architect of an ambitious new five-year plan to accelerate the rollout of free, life-saving Aids drugs, tripling the numbers on treatment by 2011. That plan could now be in jeopardy.

For years Mr Mbeki was the world's most prominent Aids denier. His government only began making free Aids drugs available to sufferers in 2004, after an international outcry ­ and that was years after other, poorer, African countries. But by sacking his cabinet's most forceful advocate of an aggressive campaign to provide drug treatment, Mr Mbeki has reopened questions about his own acceptance of the science surrounding Aids.

"He has once again shown his contempt for those seeking scientific approaches to Aids," said Professor Nicoli Nattrass of the University of Cape Town. "This is a dreadful error of judgement. It indicates that the President still remains opposed to the science of HIV," the Treatment Action Campaign (TAC), South Africa's biggest Aids advocacy group, said yesterday.

His decision represents a victory for Mrs Tshabalala-Msimang, who has been discredited and derided as "Dr Beetroot" for telling HIV patients to eat more of the vegetable, and for her view that antiretroviral drugs are "poison".

Although she has been condemned as a representative of the lunatic fringe by the United Nations' special envoy for Aids in Africa, and by 60 of the world's HIV specialists as disastrous, Mr Mbeki has remained her loyal ally.

"It's an absolute disgrace," said Mike Waters, the opposition Democratic Alliance's health spokesman. "The fact is for the first time we had a deputy minister with a clear direction in the fight against Aids. Both the President and the Minister are denialists, while the deputy minister has her feet stuck in reality."

Mrs Madlala-Routledge, speaking to The Independent, said: "I can't say what the reasons are for the President's decision. But with the Health Minister back in the driving seat she wanted to reassert her ideas.

"We are dealing with an emergency where large numbers of people are dying."

Ostensibly the reason for firing Mrs Madlala-Routledge was that in June she travelled to Madrid to speak at an Aids conference without the President's written authorisation.

Her real crimes, say insiders, were to challenge the President's handling of the epidemic and help drive through the new treatment strategy. That happened earlier this year when liver transplant surgery forced Mrs Tshabalala-Msimang out of the picture. But "Dr Beetroot" came back. In the past few weeks she has, officials say, set about undermining the treatment plan.

She has also launched into a fresh defence of one of her favourite themes: traditional African remedies. "You can give your patients as many tablets as you want to, if the nutritional status is weak and is not up to the mark, those tablets will not do the trick," she told MPs on her return.

Health Department staff, under Mrs Tshabalala-Msimang's direction, have recently again begun drawing a distinction between "HIV and Aids" and "HIV/Aids". The semantics and the infighting, say doctors such as Ashraf Grimwood, who works on the HIV front line, is the equivalent of fiddling while Rome burns. "This is a complete distraction. We have people dying in the queues. It is obscene and it is unacceptable."

The long-term impact of the epidemic is almost incalculable. The country has 1.2 million Aids orphans. A generation of women is being lost. Teachers are dying at the rate of 14 a week; child mortality rates in some areas have trebled in the past 15 years. And life expectancy, because of Aids, has fallen to around 47 years. "This is medieval," said Dr Alan Whiteside of Kwa-Zulu Natal University in Durban. "Why are we not shouting it from the rooftops?"

Officially, Mr Mbeki's government is committed to the drugs rollout, but staff struggling to rush out the treatment, complain of constant delays. Anti-retrovirals can only be dispensed in accredited sites, but applications routinely get bogged down in red tape. "It's bureaucratic nonsense. All it means is people can't access treatment," Dr Grimwood said.

Campaigners said it was "unfathomable" that Mrs Madlala-Routledge had been given the boot. They challenged Mr Mbeki to pledge his public support for the treatment strategy. "Our country has waited, vacillated, hoped, pained and fought too long over HIV/Aids," said Nathan Geffen of the TAC.

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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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