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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.









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Publish July 23 2007

DonInLondon - July 22 2007 ĎDay In The Lifeí

Interdependent is ok- A gentle path - living in the moment

I have started listening to music all over again. itís a mystery to me why it took so long. Seems like I needed my time to come to terms with loss over the years. And there have always been times of great happiness and then times which dragged on for ages where nothing ever made any sense to me.

Private Investigations - Dire Straights

Another Zeitgeist moment for me. Spirit of another age and life before an even bigger life. And today a so much bigger life than ever anticipated. As we swirl out of control as one life departs, not expired just spiralling away. We may rejoice if that is what we wanted. And I do know the difference between grieving for those dead and those gone and still living, completion and closure is forced either way, yet the living who leave and we know move on can leave us bereft with such an intense pain we might rather give life up completely. A form of dependence we might rather was not there, which fills us with the darkest thoughts. And that awful knowing what they are doing and with someone else..

Dark Moments

As life goes on the memories of most times fade somewhere if we are fortunate to find happiness elsewhere. Often though we seem to make another situation like the past and then we cannot make it quite the way it was. No two people are the same and as we encounter the damage of living we often feel the sway of oblivion rather than face what is lost. That was me. Broken over and over. I donít pity me anymore, and self pity has been lost along the way. Self pity is part of grieving and quite necessary.

Grief

Some may wish to suppress truth and keep on going as if nothing is happening, the truth is none of us is unscathed if we examine how we deal with the dark times. Suppression and denials are all part of changing and becoming. What we become is predicated on how we deal with the life left. And as we grow up and older we feel keenly sometimes our separateness from the families we encounter. And there are tears for moments we have lost and of course opportunity to be as most may be, conventional.

Odd for Me

I never had a handle on convention, and never grew up in some respects into being a parent. It is not for lack of opportunity to be a family man. More a case of fear somewhere which kept me from commitments and most of all falling deeply and completely into the usual patterns of parenthood and family. I had no key or good examples, and as I grew in times where break ups and unhappiness abounded, the impact for me was to probably avoid these opportunities. In my early courting days, I always fell in love. And somehow I still do from time to time. And now I feel the time has passed by for that family man experience, and yet more experiences beckon as life opens once more..

Grief

Having loved and been loved over the years, the match and mismatch which affects times place and letting life take me to family always proved to be poorly timed and latterly more to do with me being broken and needing a long time to repair. If this makes sense, itís the irony of living longer. We see what we might have been and now we are so different it seems unlikely.

Mending

We need as much time as it takes, to overcome our natural desire to gloss over grief. And for me the breakage done and damage was immeasurable. It has taken years to find a path of recovery, and this path is now set. A steady recovery and a facet of life, a big one for this one.

Mending requires a lot of energy and learning to face life as life is, and not hark back to familiar most excellent relationships and then turgid endings which ultimately led to a complete mental breakdown. Once a pattern is set to destruct, its as hard to stop as a meteor hitting the earth. And the broken shards of a fragmented life are nothing to build upon.

A Return to normal?

It is true for me, the return to normal is not the old normal, itís a new normal with every element of the old plus everything I am learning as time goes by.

Mending has been a complete remodelling of behaviour and outlooks, how to deal with the day to day, how to deal with the march of time and what it has done. And what I have done over the years. Maintenance these days is a necessity..

Recent connections to partners along the way reminds me life has just kept on going and the new realities are pretty ok with me. Most are happy and living full and complete lives. There is sad news as more some are no longer alive. And relatively I am still young and they too. It seems easier to let go those who are gone forever, and still feel the draw of love to those who live on and happily elsewhere. Fortunate I am I have no desire to go back. I know my future path is to new beginnings, and happy for it to be so.

Cherish The Past

And I do cherish every loving moment with delightful partners in the past, a wistful glance down memory lane makes me see the patterns of living and my desire to love and be loved. I feel like I would have been a good partner and father had the breaks been different, I accept my singularity today and best it is so.

Love and Loving

I donít know how things are for anyone but me. I do know there has been much love and loving, cherishing and more. There have been interludes of great loves and passion was as strong can be, and it was hedonistic some times I feel. We all have times where there are ample and great moments which make me smile.

Cherishing always, but some loving was meant to be ephemeral as passing ships in the night and times where love felt like it belonged for eternity. The peace found in the arms of another who loves as we doÖ there are few words where those connections were made and the tryst seemed to be forever. Maybe in some ways this was it, forever and loving as peace brought happy hearts together for precious moments never to be lost, until our last breath and recollections are no more.

Experience of Love

We all have our experiences. And when we have partners and loving, the days are as happy can be. What makes us lose our loves? Never really about blame, more about life choices we can see now have be meant. Its not fate it seems, just where we and others are, and congruence is not often achieved without intent and specificity.

Freedom

With my endeavours to be just a simple version of a human with capacity to love and cherish, I feel better for every experience that brings me into this moment of now. Every moment of heartache along the way, every misunderstanding I have made about life, all leads me to cherish each day and honestly, hope does come to mind.

Hope

I hope for a simple day of endeavour, making friendships firm, understanding that the path we might wish for ourselves is not what others may have wished or wish for me too. If love ever blossoms to a partnership I can see more clearly and understand more fully how life works these days.

Age

I must smile if only I knew back then what I know now. Not one moment has been wasted I feel these days, either in the highest of highs and or the lowest and most miserable days of grief. And to be alive at all these days makes me smile with a fervent acceptance of possibilities and what age has also done to me. I know and accept my past, accept and live my present, have no clue to tomorrow.

The Ever Present, Present

A good place to hang these days and be cool with life, the ups and downs. There are times of tears for my Sisters recent loss of Christopher, a man of great capacities and her soul mate.

Soul Mates

As rare asÖ

Actually the truth of soul mates is where we can be ourselves, keep on growing and love without prejudice or condition. I love people. I also know people. We will meet real authentic and lovely people along our journey, not all life partners and quite often never on the same wavelength.

We all learn our living by experience and doing. This means for every genuine friendship we will encounter others on different paths and in different places will yield sadness rather than constancy. Some far ahead of us, even though they are more youthful, and many who are stuck old and miserable.

Life grows as we grow, we need understand all seasons of life if we live long enough. If we do not, best we have found the gift of endeavour and lightness in even the darkest days and living each day as it presents.

Mending and Evolution

Sometimes we mend and refine our outlook, sometimes we just evolve as if effortless. These days itís a mixture. And the only thing I know can make my life develop is now and present in this ever present imperfect moment of now, perfection always an unfinished endeavour!

And thank Nature and Providence, Happenstance and Serendipity for every moment of love and where life took meÖ

Gift of Life

So easy to judge each moment on its merit when its all of life we may consider as we take a final walk into another time and space beyond this one.

Finally tonight I must share I have not been to a fellowship meeting for two days, so tomorrow I shall go to two, they do me good and my good conscience needs nurture usually daily. A life reclaimed!




July 22nd 2006

- Teach Yourself Codependence!

Be My Co Dependent Ya!

We are taught to be codependent, we can learn to be independent again What is co dependent? What is it, inside which leads to interdependent and dependent states. Codependence a modern name for some things we all feel might haunt our living and we donít care to admit. Codependence that very difficult and very, very unpleasant realisation
that something in a relationship is uneven, unbalanced and unhealthy. It starts long before we know it and long before we even meet our codependents.

To illustrate the context of co-dependency, I use a definition drawn from lives involved in addiction. The tragedy of codependence, is addictions are so varied and so prevalent in our society we donít realise our codependent behaviour till long after the penny drops and our denial is in full swing..

"In a relationship where one individual has an addiction, the partner often becomes over-involved in the addict's life. They frequently demonstrate enabling behaviours such as trying to "fix the addict" or to "rescue them."

Very often the codependent person feels deeply responsible for the addicted person. All they talk and think about is the problem their partner is facing. They often also feel it is their job to get their partner to stop the addict from his addiction. They eventually learn that the only person they can change is themselves.

If a person becomes chemically dependent, the partner often makes excuses or covers for their addicted partner. If a man gets drunk and is unable to go to work he might pressure his wife or partner to call in and say he was sick. She also often may clean up things he has broken or even clean an area where he has thrown up in. If he was late paying a bill, she might make excuses for him. This is called Enabling.

The partner that is "enabling" is not responsible for the partner's addictions. However, when the partner cleans up after, or covers for the addict, they are enabling the addict not to face the consequences of their actions. The codependent becomes more upset about the problem than the person who has the addiction. It is very hard for an enabler to let the consequences fall on the addict, because usually they are very fearful. Codependents can feel terrified of losing the relationship they have with the addict. They know that if their partner gets in trouble at work they may lose their job. Often codependents grew up with parents who had addictions. Codependence and enabling are often learned behaviours.

Codependents need to realize that they cannot make an addict stop his addiction, but they can call on the addict to accept responsibility for their decisions. To love a person who is an addict is not to clean up their messes. The less those around them enable an addict, the more the addict is forced to face their issues. The addict has some hard choices to make.

Many times by over-focusing on the addict's life, the codependent is able to ignore his/her own painful issues. There are many support groups available that can help a person to identify ways that they are enabling others. If the codependent person is being harmed emotionally or physically, these groups can help them determine whether it is safer to stay and set boundaries or to leave. The support groups can help someone who has no boundaries to come up with good boundaries and then to stick to them. Also, groups like these can help a codependent to work on painful issues in their own lives."

The realisation that we need check out our own behaviour with others is alarming when we know we are good people, we have been schooled correctly in behaviour, our intentions are exemplary, our conduct, well here is the thing, with codpendency and enabling, our behaviour may appear to be perfectly reasonable and in the beginning supportive, over time however our behaviour is quite the reverse of what we might have hoped and intended, we become a victim of our good nature and kindness.

It is tough on anyone, especially when we have a codependent addictive personality in our lives, with every intent to manipulate in their subconscious for they do not do what they do consciously most of the time. They do it as ordinary and donít see what they do. Their way of life is so nearly ordinary, we mistake often the signs of our enabling and our good natured help. We donít see the signs till we are awoken, as if from a dream, to realise the good intent we might have is not in any way matched by our codependent.

When we as good people, with ordinary intent are placed in situations with codependent types, we end up in codependence in reality very quickly. We donít see it, because we donít have a value system to recognise it, we just feel uneasy, concerned, overly cautious and of course if we love our codependent, we are blinded most likely till we feel the guilty and often shaming feeling that we have been responsible and in some way the cause of the dependency taking this unhealthy turn.

In reality we need only see the truth and make good our position, we need not vilify and get angry, we need only modify and understand behaviour. We need not stop loving, we need however to examine our behaviour and our role and our new behaviour to see what can be done. Often we need remove ourselves and stop codependence, examine with help and support where we are and what to do next. There is in my opinion no easy way to face these issues. In my experience, which is limited to my own codependence from time to time, my behaviour and actions are seen with the continued benefit of hindsight. Hindsight helps me see my part, helps me see my choices and it
does not help me stop what has already happened or the manipulations either I or my codependent may have made. Recovering addicts from whatever substance are excellent targets for codependence, simply and most often because recovery leads to understanding around powerlessness and behaviours associated with control and manipulation.
The good recovery student can often fall victim to practiced and power using addicted types who can obscure simple truths and choices. Dependency is likely to thrive in fellowships and groups where recovery and rehabilitation enable the codependent to learn and use more effective behaviours of control and power manipulation, often subtle and often with their desired results. Good recovery students who had a predisposition to caring and support, well like me, if you read this, will feel the foolishness of hindsight from time to time.

Donít get mad, merely become a wiser person and more careful person, decide your next steps with care. You need not go into deep painful self reflection, you need only seek help and support wherever it may be from those in the know. And preferably not your codependent!

It is not easy, but gets easier. It might mean facing the obvious with hindsight, feelings of love and thinking judgments we might wish we had never made. But that is life, and we might adjust to reality as we can. Our most important next steps are to come out of denial, that we have found ourselves codependent, even if it seemed right and good. It is better to see how things really are and get good with good behaviour. Remember, our codependent will be busy, and very wilful, passing the blame and covering up and being the secret enabler of their work. They will use every device to keep their behaviour under wraps or make it so unpleasant to let out the truth and paint us as some kind of master manipulator, we may find our reputation and our outlook sullied and corrupted.

Better to let the masks drop and face consequences and all that other stuff we prefer under the carpet. We donít enjoy being made to look foolish or be manipulated. We can only make the tears and tantrums of others owned by them, and not share in the awfulness of continued sadness.

My choices, now and in future are to walk away and draw a line in the sand. As codependence will suck us back in, with our good intent and outlook, when the problem need remain where it belongs, simply not inside us.

We need also to learn from our codependence as we make good our outlook again, and see the errors in our thinking. We make our errors because we most often have love in our hearts and the best of intentions.

Hence the road to hell is paved most often with good intentions, and we only see our folly as we near the end of the road. We are best served finding new roads, better signposts, and definitely letting our support mechanisms, people and good sense help us back on to our
path. The wisdom in all this, keep away from blame and get support to understand our situation. Donít let it drag on and when you know its what it is, make your choices, or the result is to be dragged down and not to support someone who will need more adequate help and support than we can give.

If you still love your codependent, well then, its really important to get perspective and get help. This type of situation merely deteriorates with no intervention, I donít know of any which right themselves without help.

Denial is our key to ongoing codependence, better to let out the truth and get the help wherever it may be. Avoid blame if we can. And work through our feelings with help. Feelings are our truth and we need acknowledge them. How we deal with our feelings and our understandings is best supported. For we need to acknowledge our feelings and help ourselves recover from these experiences. We are human, we are of nature, our feelings are real and cannot be thought away or made different until we are ready to let them change where feelings may go. How we react is our decision, our choices and best made with help and not in the passion evoked by our truth. We can
feel our truth and respond with due care for our own living. We need be mightily careful in our feelings and their expression, we need put our own house in order when these events happen, and let others find their own path as choices are theirs, not ours.

Modern psychology is helpful and a hindrance. I find wisdom from those with years of experience in my fellowship best able to support me as I unravel my own mysterious codependent nature, when I encounter others so gifted. Being a nice guy has led to many instances of codependence in my life. And admissions of codependence are better made, so I can see my future conduct and relationships with others work out for the good and not for just others good in future. Life is too short to be swept under the carpet, the mountain of woe under mine was immense, and is still being swept up.

And this old fool is wiser and accepting, and definitely moving along with gentle good intent towards another destinationÖ

-/-




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Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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The Big Issue Foundation's core ethos is self help. We offer support to homeless and socially excluded people who seek to gain control of their lives and help them move off the streets and into a home and a job.We work with over 2000 vendors across the UK, supporting them with a diverse program of opportunities either delivered through our own services or in partnership with specialist agencies. Each new vendor has a Needs Assessment, and from this an individual action plan is set, which is monitored in supervision sessions with support staff.





Be Tolerant

You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.

It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.

And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.






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Guardian Unlimited OnLine July 23 2007


Thousands without fresh water as floods bring chaos July 23 2007




Audrey Gillan and Steven Morris

More than 350,000 people are facing days without fresh water supplies and a clean-up operation lasting months as devastating floods this weekend left communities cut off across central and southern England.

Last night waters were still rising in several parts of the country as the Severn and Thames threatened to burst their banks in Gloucester and Oxford, bringing more chaos to a region where hundreds of people have been evacuated after downpours which began on Friday and swept the country over the weekend.

Today Hilary Benn, the environment secretary, will make an emergency statement to the Commons and Gordon Brown's first monthly press conference as prime minister is certain to be dominated by criticism about the speed of the response to the latest flooding. He is expected to visit flood affected areas this morning, though Downing Street declined to reveal exactly where he would go. In developments yesterday:

∑ More people were airlifted to safety in one of the RAF's biggest peacetime operations and the army distributed aid to thousands cut off by rising water in Upton upon Severn, Worcestershire and Tewkesbury, Gloucestershire;

∑ Eight severe flood warnings were in place overnight, including in Oxfordshire, Berkshire and parts of London, and a second peak in water levels was predicted for tonight.

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Looting, panic buying - and a water shortage July 23 2007




Valerie Elliott

Food and drinking water shortages, panic buying and the threat of looting have followed the worst flooding to hit England in 60 years.

Amid concerns that the government-run Environment Agency acted far too slowly in responding to serious flood alerts from the Met Office, parts of the West Country woke up this morning to another day under water and the Thames Valley now faces being inundated.

An estimated 90,000 gallons of water a second was surging down the swollen River Thames last night towards Oxford, Reading and Windsor.

The Environment Agency fears that the Thames Valley area will now suffer a similar fate to Gloucestershire, Worcestershire and Warwickshire, where flooding has bought misery to thousands of people. Opposition MPs are seeking an emergency statement from the Government today.

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England under water: scientists confirm global warming link to increased rain July 23 2007



By Michael McCarthy Environment Editor

It's official: the heavier rainfall in Britain is being caused by climate change, a major new scientific study will reveal this week, as the country reels from summer downpours of unprecedented ferocity.

More intense rainstorms across parts of the northern hemisphere are being generated by man-made global warming, the study has established for the first time ≠ an effect which has long been predicted but never before proved.

The study's findings will be all the more dramatic for being disclosed as Britain struggles to recover from the phenomenal drenching of the past few days, during which more than a month's worth of rain fell in a few hours in some places, and floods forced thousands from their homes.

The "major rainfall event" of last Friday ≠ fully predicted as such by the Met Office ≠ has given the country a quite exceptional battering, with the Thames still rising. In Gloucester water levels had reached 34 feet, just 12 inches below flood defences ≠ the same level as during the flood of 1947 ≠ although a police spokesman said last night that the River Severn had stopped rising.

Last night vast areas of the country around Gloucestershire and Worcestershire were still inundated, large numbers of people in temporary accommodation, transport links were widely disrupted, and yet more householders were standing by to be flooded in their turn, in one of the biggest civil emergencies Britain has seen.

About 150,000 residents in Gloucestershire were left without drinking water when the Mythe Water Treatment Works in Tewkesbury became inoperable after flooding. Another 200,000 people are at risk of losing their supplies. The water shortages may last until Wednesday and 600 water tanks were being drafted to the area.

Panic buying of bottled water was reported, with supermarkets selling out of stocks, and there were contamination problems in south London, where 80,000 households and businesses in the Sutton area were advised to boil their water after rain got into a tank. Yet another potential danger was from car thieves; West Mercia police warned drivers who had abandoned their cars in the floodwater to collect them quickly to prevent theft.

The Great Flood of July is all the more remarkable for following right on from the Great Flood of June, which caused similar havoc in northern towns such as Doncaster and Hull, after a similar series of astonishingly torrential downpours on 24 June.

Meteorologists agree that the miserably wet British summer of 2007 has generally been caused by a southward shift towards Britain of the jetstream, the high-level airflow that brings depressions eastwards across the Atlantic. This is fairly normal. But debate is going on about whether climate change may be responsible for the intensity of the two freak rainfall episodes, which have caused flooding the like of which has never been seen in many places.

This is because the computer models used to predict the future course of global warming all show heavier rainfall, and indeed, "extreme rainfall events", as one of its principal consequences.

The new study, carried out jointly by several national climate research institutes using their supercomputer climate models, including the Hadley Centre of the UK Met Office, does not prove that any one event, including the rain of the past few days in Britain, is climate-change related.

But it certainly supports the idea, by showing that in recent decades rainfall has increased over several areas of the world, including the mid-latitudes of the northern hemisphere, and linking this directly, for the first time, to global warming caused by human emissions of greenhouse gases.

The study is being published in the journal Nature on Wednesday, and its details are under embargo and cannot be reported until then. But its main findings have caused a stir, and are being freely discussed by climate scientists in the Met Office, the Hadley Centre and the Department for Environment For Environment, Food and Rural Affairs.

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Ghandi

There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.

A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.

You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.

For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.




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