May 11 2007

Borderline Alcohol Disorder ‘BAD’ - DonInLondon ‘Day In The Life’

This came up in my last meeting of the Fellowship of alcoholics Anonymous. That is I made up the BAD syndrome as a response to many shares I had listened and absorbed.

Our meeting was typical. As we all go so often we probably forget most of the profound things we say and do to share our stories of experience strength and hope.

My meeting was so good for lots of reasons and it reminded me of times present and times past, and of course that some of us find life so hard we give it up.

Before the meeting, talking for the first time to someone I know and respect. And not really having had an opportunity to have a deep and meaningful talk about life the Universe and everything, we get affirmation and understanding from people we might never have met in any other way. To hear another’s wisdom learned over the years and then sky rocketed by events into the BAD syndrome where we become more dependent on a substance than we ever imagined possible. And the good of living in a sober world, where family let us back in, where we earn our respect all over again and its building on a rock and not the sands of time we so easily became immersed and sunken and lost.

So we were slightly late for the meeting. All about step two and realising we could get beyond the insanity of drink and get a life back if were willing to change and try again.

Trying again..

Yes we heard a brilliant share about how to get our lives back, how to realise some simple steps can restore our sanity and we can live and be well, share and be part of our communities once more. And most of all to be loved and love again..

Tragedy

Is never far away from us. Some of us make the step to the bridge back to modern living. And we do what we can.

Some of us have lived through depressions so awful and prolonged, the journey has been less than smooth. And some of us don’t make it.

There was sharing of someone who had lost the will to live, and had died in tragic circumstances.

And it filled me of times in my past where life had not been worth it, and the loss of close friends who did in fact opt out of living again and died broken. And it reminds me how that awful pain of loss and everything we can imagine. The pain of loss makes us so distraught even the power of speech can be lost. And profound waves hit us and batter like every stormy tempest encountered as love is lost. And it reminds we where I am today.

Able to Feel as Feelings Happen

This one gift we get, and its like a double edged sword. Where we know and understand the pain of living on the edge and what its like. And our insides churn as we hear news of another’s calamity. It hurts like no other loss.

And we deal with the feelings and share them and grieve and grieve as hard as we may. Its what we learn to do. Without a drink, and without a filter we are hit head on. And we live it for real.

Spiritual?

We ,might question spiritual as a path when we have to live through the worst of times. And as we realise our grieving is far more profound, we realise we are doing as nature intended, to cherish and love our lost loves. So intense and cathartic as we get to understand how precious every element of life is, we can mourn with deepness all humans have, and see our way through these hard times as we find company and support is what we need.

Indeed Spiritual

Is not just one half of a perfect life story, where all is love and peace and harmony. Spiritual is both the good and bad of living. And living with what we must, as much about loss as about renewal and growing and living as we may.

BAD

And BAD it came out of nowhere, a good description for me where drink is nearly the issue and not quite in its thrall, we are often borderline alcohol dependent and slip across some invisible line, where one drink is never enough and a thousand won’t ever make us feel right ever again. Drink has lost its power to suppress the torments of life or make the celebrations of life more joyous. Borderline Alcohol Dependent on a path of destruction. I wonder if there is really such a place.

So tonight I came away and felt that maybe that line, if there is such a thing we cross if far earlier than we ever expect. I reckon my line was crossed with maybe the first drink. I will never know for sure, and to me it matters not.

I am sad for friends who feel such a deep and tragic loss. And am hopeful such a shock has not pushed them back to a feeling of thirst. I know as much as anyone may, how easy and seductive that line may be..

Tonight

Circumspect about the loss and circumspect about many parts of my life. Pleased to have been in touch with good fellows in and out of fellowship, who look out for me these days. And I don’t know what is good for me, I am heartened that they do. No longer a lone ranger, a slightly misfit ting person without so much as a clue to make life work.

These days a fellowship of men and women who look out for each other and do their best to make life work just this one day, and tomorrow we can start again. Life is not so "bad" after all…

Just for today

May 10 2007 Zeitgeist

The Long Kiss Goodbye - DonInLondon ‘Day In the Life’

May weather, cloudy and gloomy makes me feel a bit cloudy and gloomy. And at last something to be less gloomy about. Me and my mood, me and my local doings and of course the long awaited kiss goodbye from Tony Blair.

On Spiritual Matters

In my local world, it’s the business of my fellowship to encourage open honest willing outlooks to daily living. This is the true way to live life. By being open, honest and willing we can live a day at a time. And as it’s a programme of progress and not perfection. We try our best to apply these values and principles in all our daily endeavours.

The Spiritual Key

Our spiritual key is truly understanding the way of life, to live this present moment as it unfolds, with less denial and less filters which prejudice our outlook. Denial being our first resort when we are surprised and shocked by what we encounter. Denial helps us helpfully when we encounter the truth of life and sometimes death. When we are caught in surprises we never reckoned might happen, denial gives us some confidence to deal with and process what can be happy or unhappy unacceptable truths.

Truth without the Filters

We can have our outlook and our prejudices, we can filter out and see only what we feel is right, and so often ignore the truth of our situation and often world events which are just plain wrong.

Things like famine, war, horrors of Kidnap, of torture. We are able to filter these truths into global domains where we know we have little power or influence. And still we give and be concerned as we can, as much as we can. And this is progress and not perfect living. For indeed there is no perfect way to live the spiritual path.

In my world, my local doings, its been as it may these last couple of days. Back in touch with some I have been concerned about and fortunately less in touch with people who sometimes leave me feeling utilised as a resource and not as a fellow in a fellowship of mutuality and support. And immediately you may see I have my filters and my already always judging there in my head.

Some people are friends and fellows, other people are utilisers and users. Some people I need be in touch with and know its not possible, and some I would wish to share and talk with, and cannot just now, because it would maybe put them and me in harms way. All these things are part of progress and never perfection.

Some of the time we need let go and let it be, or we make more trouble and confound ourselves as we are powering up our ego and not realising that with confidence we might accept the day as it is.

A good friend and a gift yesterday, in fact two gifts of time and support. Plus some utilities to keep me writing as well. We realise support and kindness is around us and people do the most generous things when we stick to open honest and willing.

Tony Blair - Long kiss Goodbye

I realise from my honest and open behaviour in the past the danger of stating what I may do and may not do when giving up a job, where it requires some hard choices. Keeping ones own counsel can be a way of controlling the outcome to an extent. The truth in my case as my long kiss goodbye made me sick and sicker than at any time in my life. Well my lesson was learned.

For Blair though, it’s a bit like trying to put others in a frame of mind which belies his absolute truth. He failed yet he proffers a fiction so resoundingly false, we are shocked into near believing that this man who has damaged the fabric of world politics so badly, so many others have followed suit and thought to get away with breach of international laws and be as our leader has, economic and selective with the truths they share.

As Blair bows out and we are told there is a six week jamboree of international goodbyes, its somewhat sick and twisted as this fellow seeks approval and understanding. He will of course get it. And why? Simply he is on his way out and there is simply no mileage in unearthing and confronting what we all know about Tony Blair.

Tony Blair and his long goodbye and farewell, as he tries resurrect himself in some other way. Well in truth he is a blunderer and although clever with a quip here and there he has lost his right to lead and did so long ago, and had it not been for our own weakness and opposition he would have foundered long ago. We hold ourselves as we may to account for where we voted and how politics has lost its sense of purpose in this world. Economy rules as always and no doubt Brown will triumph a while. And not for long. Change is coming.

So as I can observe and lampoon as only the observers can, it strikes me when people own up and are willing to find their honesty, find their way once more, anything is possible. And this is as it should be.

When truth does come out, will we care or will we be so embroiled in our own local living that is will make no odds either way? May be the times are changing as global and local views meld over time, that old prejudice and old filters work out and are lost.

Of course we are human and although we might find our spiritual journey improves, we are young at this global life, young at climate control and blinking blinkered in so many ways, well we are best accepting there is simply progress and not perfection in this life.

No matter who or what we have done, with the benefit of hindsight, less denial and a real go at living in this one day with our aim to be open honest and willing we will find some peace of mind just one day at a time.

Change

Life is all about change, whoever we are and wherever we may be. The consequence for each and everyone of us, as we are truly judged in this life, Our actions are our history and history will judge us as we do, right here and now. The Long Kiss Goodbye.. Too long in my opinion and leaving a bitter taste history will reflect as we deal with the consequences of Tony Blair and his leadership for decades to come. Long may he be remembered for everything he has promised, and what he has done, consequences we all have them, and history will judge us all as it will, there is no peace for the wicked or those who let denial and filters ruin their living albeit a day at a time, an eternity of regret may follow... Consequences I have mine too and reflect in a different life it may end up different, in this one however the die is cast and irrevocable. Life is life..

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Guardian Unlimited OnLine May 11 2007

'I did what I thought was right' May 11 2007

Patrick Wintour and Will Woodward

Gordon Brown will today reveal his commitment to restore the wilting New Labour coalition when he launches his campaign for the premiership with a whistlestop tour of southern marginals, and a promise to rebuild any lost trust after he becomes the sixth Labour prime minister in British history.

Mr Blair announced the handover date in a conciliatory, confessional, almost humble speech in his Durham constituency, in which he apologised for when he had fallen short, but insisted "hand on heart" that he had always done what he had thought was right for the country. His aides say he recognises "in his own head" that it is time after 10 years in power to leave the British political stage

Mr Brown will launch his 47-day campaign for the party leadership with a speech and press conference today, but he will hold back from publishing a fully- fledged manifesto until after MPs' nominations close next Thursday.

Read The Guardian OnLine

Times OnLine May 11 2007

An abdication . . . and a coronation May 11 2007 2007

Philip Webster, Political Editor

Declaring, “hand on heart, I did what I thought was right”, Tony Blair finally paved the way for a Gordon Brown premiership yesterday by announcing that he would leave Downing Street on June 27.

Last night Labour and Westminster were preparing for a new style of more sober leadership once Mr Brown finally secures the job that he has craved all his political life.

Mr Brown launches his campaign today and is certain to be elected at a party conference in London on June 24, three days before Mr Blair departs. It was not clear last night whether the Left had enough votes even to mount a challenge. Either way it will be a coronation because Mr Brown is unbeatable.

Admitting that expectations had not always been realised and apologising “for the times I have fallen short”, Mr Blair was close to tears at the end of the speech in his Sedgefield constituency in which he announced his plan to tender his resignation to the Queen. It is expected that he will make his last appearance as Prime Minister at the weekly Question Time on June 27 and then go to the Palace.

Read The Times OnLine

Independent OnLine 'Indy' News May 11 2007 2007

The Legacy: Tony Blair, Prime Minister, 1997-2007 May 11 2007

By Andrew Grice, Political Editor

Tony Blair has apologised for his mistakes and admitted that his legacy in the eyes of many people will be dominated by Iraq when he stands down as Prime Minister on 27 June.

In an emotional and highly personal speech, Mr Blair insisted that he had done what he believed was "right for my country" and stopped short of saying sorry for the Iraq war.

But he struck his most conciliatory tone over Iraq, admitting the fierce "blowback" of global terrorism and conceding he would leave office with many Britons believing the Iraq invasion was wrong.

Loyal Blairites launched a campaign to pin the blame for the mistakes made after the conflict on the Bush administration, which rejected Britain's advice by abolishing the Iraqi army after Saddam Hussein was toppled. Alastair Campbell, the former Downing Street communications director, and Baroness Morgan of Huyton, the former director of government relations, both criticised Donald Rumsfeld, the former US defence secretary, for the post-war decisions.

Lady Morgan admitted: "The fundamental problem is it [Iraq] has become a place where terrorists from every group are now operating." She added: "The operation of the war and post-war planning was Donald Rumsfeld and I don't think President George Bush was running Donald Rumsfeld in the end. Operationally, I think [Mr Blair] was frustrated that things didn't always happen in the way that he'd hoped or expected would take place."

Mr Blair, speaking in his Sedgefield constituency, pleaded with the British people to believe that he acted in good faith, even if they disagreed with him on Iraq, but admitted they would be the judge.

Read The Independent OnLine

BBC OnLine News May 11 2007

Brown launching bid to be leader May 11 2007

Chancellor Gordon Brown is preparing to officially launch his bid to be the next Labour leader and prime minister.

Following Tony Blair's announcement that he will step down on 27 June, the process of selecting a successor begins - with Mr Brown overwhelming favourite.

The only other contenders, backbench Labour MPs Michael Meacher and John McDonnell have yet to say if they have enough backers to enter the race.

Mr Brown is expected to pledge to make Britain a "better and fairer" place.

BBC OnLine Full Story

BBC OnLine History May 11 2007

May 11 1985: Fans killed in Bradford stadium fire

At least 52 people are known to have died and many are missing after fire engulfed the Bradford City football stadium.

Hundreds of people are in hospital suffering from burns. Most of the dead are children or elderly people crushed in the rush to escape the inferno.

Only one of the victims has been identified so far. He was former club chairman Samuel Firth, aged 86, who died in hospital from burns.

BBC OnLine Full Story

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