You have the power to tolerate anyone and any situation. But tolerance is not just suffering in silence.
It means going beyond any personal discomfort you may feel, and giving a gift to whom ever you would tolerate. Give your time, attention, understanding, compassion, care - all are gifts, which paradoxically, you also receive in the process of giving.
And, as you do, you will experience your own self esteem and inner strength grow. In this way you can turn tolerance into strength.
How hard is it to admit this truth about me? That for most of my life I have actually feared living? And where did it all start? I know it started early in my childhood, fearful, insecure, neurotic, expecting the worst. And why? I may never know quite why or wish to share some of those stories. I guess they are there somewhere, what I need realise is fear of life was in me from the start.
I don’t fear life so much anymore. Yet insecurity haunts my steps sometimes when I am alone for too long. And so I have my fellowship, alcoholics anonymous at hand whenever I feel not quite right with my surroundings. Having spent years now as a homeless individual, with no right of tenure, I came to the conclusion not so long ago, that any roof over my head was a good roof, however temporary and however often it may change.
I have huge gratitude for where I am now, and relieved that our country does help people like me find a path to living again. From the moment I asked for help so many people have done their best, it has helped me try do my best too. And at the same time with the fellowship I have tried help others along the way. No matter how hard we have worked throughout our lives, and contributed to society, when we fall ill, we feel, or certainly I have felt unworthy aloof the time. And its taken years to get any confidence back.
And the gratitude for the support from my family is beyond measure.
Fear of Life
Its not uncommon these days. Everyone is making their mark one way or another. And as my life nearly expired through my own neglect in the end, the hardest struggle for me has been finding some reason for living, and finding a worthy way to contribute, when I am still hampered by three ailments. And truthfully it has made for sad reflections. We need find some reason to live or we do have no will to live at all. I guess part of me feels writing and sharing about recovery, dealing with clinical depression and type 1 diabetes might help in some way.
I still have my hang ups and much concern for the future. I still want to be a part of society. I need to earn my living and do what I can. All important in the living of a life.
Fear of Enjoyment
A big one for me, I fear I might like it too much. That I might have more and then find it crumble away as before. Those fears are haunting. Yet I know its ok to have some fun from time to time, as surely as time has shown depression will return and muddle me up for a while. As it has recently. And actually knowing it will happen and what I can do, well it means I know and accept these times as they are. No need to try medicate with alcohol, as that will surely do for me if ever I were that careless.
I mentioned these happenings yesterday, mistakes can be costly for me around control of my diabetic condition. Neuropathy is ongoing and a slow decline as nerves die. And very painful indeed, walking so painful, but getting further by cycling, can be ok, except with my eyesight affected as well, a lot of care is taken!
Sometimes I do have the odd thought or three, about whether its worth all this effort when depression is at its worst. And tidy endings so easy these days with a shot too much of insulin has crossed my mind, very quick and not messy if I were inclined. And its no wonder I realise I get to my fellowship meetings as often as I do, and keep with the programme and see how life can be. I understand my progress and what can be done, and see these days life is not to be feared quite like before.
How many rock bottoms have I had along the years, I sometimes wonder. Some in sobriety have been pretty hard knocks. Rocks and hard places have been my speciality for too many years.
So fear of life today? Less so in recent years and sobriety, even when the worst of news occurs or depressions bite deep. One simple lesson has kept me alive, and connected to fellowship without a doubt I find. Three words we often say as we leave a meeting is simply "keep coming back," and I do and I’m still living…
Europe threatens action as Iran airs new 'confession'March 31 2007
EU foreign ministers support British position and warn of 'appropriate measures' if 15 sailors and marines not released
Julian Borger, Tania Branigan and Simon Tisdall
The EU threatened to act against Iran last night if it did not immediately and unconditionally release the 15 British sailors and marines it has been holding for more than a week.
EU foreign ministers meeting in Bremen, Germany, threatened "appropriate measures" if Tehran did not let the group go, supporting Britain's position that the crew had been in Iraqi waters when they were seized eight days ago. The ministers did not spell out what measures would be taken, but British diplomats hoped they would involve an escalating array of punitive steps.
Pension timebomb – Brown defied advice March 31 2007
Gordon Brown defied repeated warnings from his own officials about the potentially devastating impact of his £5 billion-a-year raid on pension funds and went ahead with it regardless, The Times can reveal.
Pensions campaigners described the revelations — the result of a two year battle by The Times — as an absolute disgrace, and said that it showed the Chancellor “knowingly set about destroying” Britain’s pensions system.
Mr Brown announced the scrapping of tax relief on dividends paid into pension funds in his first Budget in July 1997, in the single biggest change to the pensions system in a generation.
Experts claim that the move has deprived the country’s savers of at least £100 billion over the past decade, during which Britain’s private and occupational pension system has struggled to stay afloat. The changes affected the 11 million people in Britain with company pensions and the 7 million with personal pensions.
Bitter FA (or how Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen may have lost the BBC the right to screen England matches)
By James Lawton, Chief Sports Writer
Football's leading television analysts Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen may have joked and criticised their way out of the highest profiles in sports broadcasting.
That was the astounding suggestion yesterday when the BBC was stripped of its rights to air FA Cup ties and England home games in a coup by ITV and the Irish-based satellite company Setanta. Against all expectations, the BBC and Sky were beaten by a combined £420m bid by their rivals. Three years into a four-year deal which the BBC claimed had brought stature back to the previously jaded FA Cup, the corporation now faces a ratings wilderness when ITV and Setanta take over its rights to cover the Cup and international games at the start of the 2008-09 season.
Though the winners were claiming a straightforward bidding victory, a position supported by the FA, it emerged that Brian Barwick, the FA's chief executive, had complainted bitterly about the recent critical tone of coverage of England's recent disappointing performances when he meet BBC executives just a few days before deal was announced yesterday.
The BBC were said to be shocked by the loss of their flagship football rights, which they regarded as one of their few sure-fire rating bankers. But it later emerged that the debacle was not quite the surprise it appeared when ITV and Setanta won the bidding.
An early warning came when Barwick attacked Lineker, Hansen and their new sidekick Alan Shearer for a "locker-room mentality" which created too much freewheeling and aggressive criticism of the England coach Steve McClaren and his currently under-performing team of superstars.
The host broadcaster had, it seems, treated the product with a little too much irreverence: too many double-takes by the laconic Lineker, too many critical tablets of stone being brought down from the moutain top by Hansen. One source close to the negotiating process said: "Barwick made it clear that the FA had a problem with the tone of the BBC analysis and the inference was made that this could be a problem in the negotiations."
As the process developed, ITV and Setanta outbid the BBC by £60m, but the suspicion remained that the BBC, now left with highlights scraps, had been ambushed in their belief that they would retain some of the cream of "public service free-to-air sports broadcasting".
There come to us moments in life when about some things we need no proof from without. A little voice within us tells us, 'You are on the right track, move neither to your left nor right, but keep to the straight and narrow way.
A person falsely claiming to act under divine inspiration or the promptings of the inner voice without having any such, will fare worse than the one falsely claiming to act under the authority of an earthly sovereign. Whereas the latter on being exposed will escape with injury to his body, the former may perish body and soul together.
You have to believe no one but yourselves. You must try to listen to the inner voice, but if you will not have the expression"inner voice", you may use the expression "dictates of reason", which you should obey, and if you will not parade God, I have no doubt you will parade something else which in the end will prove to be God, for, fortunately, there is no one and nothing else but God in this universe.
For me truth is the sovereign principle, which includes numerous other principles. This truth is not only truthfulness in word, but truthfulness in thought also, and not only the relative truth of our conception, but the Absolute Truth, the Eternal Principle, that is God. There are innumerable definitions of God, because His manifestations are innumerable. They overwhelm me with wonder and awe and for a moment stun me.
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