DonInChelsea


June 6th 2006

copyright© don oddy

~ How hard is that? ~

ďDiscretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice.

When we are angry, we naturally find it difficult to offer our best opinion. Or do we? We are full of contradictions as we grow as human beings. In early life, nature takes care of all our reactions to our world. We are able to vent our displeasure and anger and lack of attention to us with volumes a child might express and only parents may know how loud we are. Others know when we are children what is wrong quite quickly and more importantly something is wrong. When we are growing nurture and society take over and we develop our discretion. We become less inclined to offer our displeasure and feelings about our surroundings and how we feel. We are conditioned to accept elements of hurt, pain, unhappiness as the way of the world. We become more silent over our situation, for indeed this world offers much in the way of pain and no one wants to be dealing with us do they?

How hard is it to have our voice silenced by nurture, by the way we are developed and conditioned to accept the cruelty this world affords? How much easier to demonstrate our pleasure and happiness and be seen to be full of joy. How much easier to be attractive when we seem amiable and not difficult. How much easier to paper over the cracks in our lives and suck up our disappointment, how much easier to be silent.

And somewhere in between all these variations comes discretion, somewhere between the loud and voluble scream of pain and the silence as pain is felt and we say nothing. And all through this range the pain is the same, our screams the loudest to the most silent and still we suffer. At our learned discretion. When are children seen and not heard, we are the silent ones who appear alright and that silence placates those around us who in most cases, offer us the worst and we accept it as their best.

Discretion, what a load of bollox it can be. We are so conditioned by virtue that we donít share our pain, for our truth it is seen as less than acceptable. We do well to know ourselves better and be more forthcoming in our condition. For they who hurt us are left thinking and feeling they have done nothing, or done something and it is not so bad or done something so horrible, it seems not to matter, for there is no consequence to the pain they have caused.

Discretion generally can screw us over if we donít understand why we donít scream out loud, we donít create a fuss and we donít react. Discretion can lead others to continue in their ignorance and offer more pain to more people,leading them into wrong thinking that their behaviour is completely acceptable.

Discretion more often than not enables bad behaviour to continue. And discretion is a virtue for the sanctimonious at heart. For discretion is in essence quite deceiving to everyone and especially those of us who practice discretion without thought of the consequences. Except fear of course.

Bending the truth, it has its consequences, we keep ourselves in an orderly way when our feelings are most often disordered. We pull ourselves together and we work out elaborate reasons for our silence or we donít face up to truth as discretion is the better part of valour.

Valour, where we get close to brave and near to putting ourselves last in order to further a cause, offers up our lives in some cases to the virtues which can kill us. And the valour we countenance can be for the greater good of all. Necessarily thought it is offering our own lives to put others first, and we might be best served finding out what we are putting first and why we would do this. Valour and bravery, most likely have their best context, and be valuable virtues when we offer ourselves so, most likely though we are putting on a brave face, and doing the right thing, when the right thing screams truth and honesty, and much more indeed.

We get hoodwinked into silence, shamed into silence, forgotten into silence and ignored into silence. And simply we are sidelined by more powerful and forceful individuals who can control what we are doing, they use manipulation and control and rules of engagement to put us in our place and makes us behave against our best interests. Society and rules, and discretion lead us to poor endings and most often steal our virtues away.

Discretion, what of it and in this world we see it, it feels as if we are taking a stand. We may claim the moral high ground, we may shuffle our truth, yet we know deep down inside how dissatisfied we feel. When we offer discretion we spare others feelings, and hide our expression for our expression is not wanted. Yet it may be needed for in our discrete folly we perpetuate much of what we would detest in ourselves. Discretion is not cowardly for we give so much, an in this behaviour we feel we have done the right thing. Yet we burn with our discretion all rights to better futures as we let others get away from the truth better faced.

And we never know for sure, if we practice discretion if we were correct in our truth and our lies. We donít inform or help those who would squander our feelings and beliefs and put forward their own.

Its not good practice to keep our truth hidden, we donít develop our own selves when we put others first. We let others get away with their sense of reality, and we let others lead themselves and their companions to living less certain ways. We do more harm than good when expression is left so incomplete, that no one benefits except those wrapped in deceit.

No one wants to be silent in pain, and we surely need remember we only have one day to remain, true to the virtue of living today, and let go others lies and let them struggle to find their way.

I am faced with a day where Iíd rather be thinking the best of another and not feeling sadness. My discretion takes me to silence, for I know in my heart its no longer my job to inform anotherís heart. It is quite obvious that errors have been made, and I know my feelings get in the way. Love makes us blind to much we know is true, for if we had learned the truth of discretion long ago, it would never have happened so.

And the same applies to those who would protect me, and my denial made good on the back of their love. There was less of the I told you and more commiseration as my mind was full with imaginings and not real beings.

We flow from recipient to participant to doer, in all we know about our discreet behaviour. We are complicit and elicit, we broker the truth, for our own ends and others, we harness our lies and broker our love. We offer the best and give out the worst as discretion dictates the niceties of living. We hold ourselves and others to ransom as discretely we accept the falseness in ourselves.

Someday as we learn to be more open, we get to an honest place where feel our half truths. We find our path narrows and we delude at our peril, not only our own well being but that of others. So many mirrors and so much smoke, its no wonder we fuck up almost everything we touch.

Yet somehow as we gain enough wisdom to know, we move back to truth and become harder to know. As we move on our path we see our world right, and others like minded join in as they might. No wonder we go from the cradle to grave, most often deluded and stuck in our imagined safe havens. Trapped by our deceptions, discretion will kill us. And worse for the traveller and seeker of true paths, we give up our world where spiritual matters mean most, and most likely feel peaceful when last breath is drawn and the mask is removed.

To get to our truth we break many taboos and one we could to forget is the discretion we ensue, as soft landings help no one and makes all more shallow, we need our hard knocks as much as our joy. Both hard knocks and real joy give range to our emotional living, and inform us most clearly on spiritual matters, for indeed we are all in the essence of mankind, of our physical, our emotional and spiritual connection to living.

We donít get our chances over again, and we might better manners in living our truths, if we took more open an approach to our feelings and journey of life and find more poignant as we go along. Hard knocks and happy times, full range in their sharing is the best discretion we offer and keep ourselves safe.

Hard to do easy to say, harder to die with so much unsaid. Harsh is this world twisted and corrupted, our perfectly good imperfect, our world as we make it. No one can change our world view except me and you, no one else has such a vested interest to pursue.

Going with silence and virtue may do no good, go with loud voice as you will, the truth is always inside us and best developed as we see fit. We pay our price as we consider our view, and feel joy and pain as ever we will. Silence is outward as inner voice screams the truth, listen to it clearly and make your choices and let it be expressed with best discretion and risk.

Controlling and silence and power is lost, not theirs just yours, and they donít give a toss. They got what they wanted and without any pain, so stop being fucked over and start to complain, they are not your life, and if you make it so, your life is theirsÖ

~
Copyright © Don Oddy



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