Others Self Delusion assists my Own The older we are the more forgiving we find we can become. Its something to do with having seen most things before. And with the struggle we all face to avoid deluding ourselves, its all the more important to allow others the opportunity to come to their own conclusions or delusions about how they live their lives. It would be a failing in me to be unforgiving of others in their own struggle with seeing the world as it really is.

None of us is a stranger to denial, we learn denial at home most likely from our parents and how we grow, my Father certainly had great denial in his life and consequently my Mother, who was and is a forgiving individual, let much slide by as anger drove my Father to many indiscretions in his turgid living. The ability to find truth and be confounded as others gave it up, the ability to apply others rules and be a part of the game, made him an excellent teacher in the game of denial.

And as we grow and see through the impossibility of others beliefs and delusions we become constrained in forgiving, for to enlighten can be as hard and shatter frailties beyond mending and repair.

Where people from life its difficulties to places inside themselves, to safe harbours where the world is kept out and the safety of belief holds to the good. Faith and most often blind faith will keep endeavour strong where denial keeps us going against the odds, and most likely in futility but steadfast endeavours.

Steadfast resolve I recognise these days kills the thing we seek, and that is acceptance in its broadest terms, acceptance and peace in reality. For the gift of reality is easily lost in deceptions to ease the stress of not feeling the equal of life. And as I write, I feel the anger and unhappy letting go of another’s deception towards me. Its not meant to be hurtful, yet being lied to is as much a cheat for the liar as the receiver of lies. The lying means holding a view which has no power or merit in the world of now, yet the lie keeps them safe from their own self harm.

I have examined my lying behaviour in recent times, where it comes from and why. As someone who struggles to find truth, I have found lies have often enabled others to keep their dignity and their aloofness from me. I have been select in my truth sharing and select in hearing their responses. I have let others get away with their lying in order to let them find their own truth, away from me mostly. And when I let them back in to help them, I find their progress slow and I am undone again as their deceptions make me feel ill. For it is not my intent to provide a means to support the deceptions, and it may be their own destiny to find answers. But as things stand I end up half complete in my truth and do not do myself or them any good. I feel cheapened and unclean. I feel there is a loss which cripples my growing as their lies make mine all the worse.

I have lied and been duplicitous a couple of times in recent days. I have lied and made myself unavailable for face to face meetings, simply because I could not hold to pretence. The pretence that what I have been told is true, and confrontation would undo them. And I am not the agent of their inner destruction, I prefer to be separate from their next steps in life. I prefer not to condone or support the delusions and continued meanderings which will eventually become apparent to them. I withdraw from their denial. And still as someone who does care and love them I do wonder how to help. I resolve maybe the best help is silence and exclusion from the truth I know.

Silence and exclusion are harsh ways forward. I feel bad and know its better for me for my progress and peace of mind. We are not here to judge beyond what is right for ourselves and others may find their own way. Or if they ask my inclusion, now is the time to be truthful in withdrawing and making ends complete. And if pressed to the truth? I have my mind to make up on truth and how it shall be found. For evidence presented will show conclusions are at hand. Concluding connections is best, for living to make good others worlds does nothing for me these days.

And as for my own demons of denial, I progress towards truth with small steps and make good new beginnings. This world is never black and white without the shades of grey. Shades of grey where we say someone is looking good when they look like death warmed up, to blatant falsehoods of reality that I am fine in their company. Time to move along again.

Trips down memory lane are over. The worst of some things are passing in acceptance for me. And conclusion to others paths and journeys in life are left as not my path. While theirs offers great reward in falsehood and saving of face to Ego’s Drift, my favourite place of respite for the injured soul. Ego’s Drift offers nothing but self delusion and inequality. And confidence and esteem offer nothing in piety or sanctimonious elitism. All it offers is equality and legitimises everyone’s right to live with equal grasp on their living.

And truth is living in the moment offers the best experience. Times are less troubled by old ghosts raised to bolster love and losses so great if we take a breath to see the chasms in our lives, we might be overwhelmed and slide to Ego’s Drift. That dark hell of familiar and cold loveless love, where expression is false in its drive and shadows of time make hollow the words of loving companions, they have no depth anymore. Ego’s Drift, our Shadowland where our Shadow dweller has every trick to test truth and make good our deceptive preference to superior intellect and be dashed to times folly.

A quality of living is in our peace with this moment, even when calamity and sometimes a necessity to be absent from their present means deceptions deployed will keep me safe and them too, have no justifiable use these days. For these deceptions flame the embers where denial has been tamped out, and the breeze of lying wafts them back to life again. That fiery feeling of shame and inadequate truth deployed to avoid disharmony does not work anymore, and corrupting truth merely adds more to my sentence to redemption of me. Fuck and goddamn fuck, I rather the truth is told from now on and let them go or I will be lost in their chaos and mine is enough for me. Silence is no fucking good at all, and in its use I will be careful in a caring way for truth itself and not the selection of its parts as often is the case.

And why now? Where have I been for these few years. And in my reckoning, quite deluded to my own denials of reality, only made good with willing hands who would have seen me so restored on balance to another time past. As on the surface all was good and only on my inside out did I realise the harm being done in compromise and loss of integrity. Ample truth of greed as deceiving to our minds these days, our sick world is not so sick, just the way were are and our world has no judgment there, our way is made by us.

Doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons has no sway anymore. And ample denials to make things feel right for others has no particular value and makes for sadness and deceit. And offers more for me, if I were to compromise and let the truth escape.

And as I move to examine my path, I recognise some disturbing patterns as living can be quite distracting. And when I was taught to be this way, I never realised the price we pay for appearance and sake of peace, our denials can be quite complete in Ego’s Drift to insanity.

Our world of compliments, our world of diplomatic speak, our preening inner selves to make good where confidence in truth purveys a sadness in our ordinariness, as if we were at all. For every human has quality if we let it be there and on our own terms, and we might do well to recognise that surface has no depth of feeling for its falsehood makes the truth eclipsed in double deals inside.

If our payoff is to keep to amicable and hapless mediocrity, we can keep our superficial life and let go our deepest treasures. To make our daily living work with truth and not some blend of tat, construed and made of rags where bloodstained scabs of torment become scars of life we carry to the grave. Universal truth is never lost or our return to living so. Impossible in a single step it takes years of letting go our lies and making truth our daily breath.

Hapless beings we are as we have civilised ourselves and taken from our nature much of what keeps us safe out of harms way. The awful truth of being. Only when in Ego’s drift would that be our horror, for in essence in the truth we bask as all can surely see, the equal of its elements and masters of our choice in how we make our day complete in the present, present.

When we let go those maddened torments handed from our living, and make ourselves available to take daily living, peace is found in anything provided we can hold to truth and let the drift to Ego go, never completely I think so.

And in this imperfect perfect world opportunity abounds each day and accrues as time goes by to find that slippery path so narrow, we can lose our way and somehow return the wiser for our loss. If we choose to celebrate and be aware of where we go and have to let go. As every path unique to suit our living where we are, will throw us off the track of life as easily as Ego sparks to life. Let go, let go, let go, and moderate our view to evidence and wisdoms gaze and keep us safe to fraternise with truth, and denial can make its way where it will find self will roam in Ego‘s Drift. Torrid times indeed…