June 28th 2006
copyright© don oddy
~ love lies bleeding ~ waking into silence and solitude
waking into silence and solitude
When I woke, I heard my own breath. Near silence and then as I hold myself in check, not one sound, then that background thrum as the earth turns and a million far off noises penetrate my world. Solitude and silence not quite, for that deafening roar inside and senses search for another in the night. As dreams fade to conscious senses that yearn, I feel that loneliness complete. You were there in my dreams. Your breath, your sighs as the music of dreams brushes and keeps sleep in mind and me listening for your peace.
That peaceful sleep of contented times where you fell to slumbers in my arms and heartbeats mingled sharing those dark hours. Sleep and still aware as your presence kept me close in your embrace and sleep assured us both we were as one.
As silence breaks and stirs my dreams and now alone in solace keep to old memories of that rapture complete, as our love was wrapped entwined and two hearts beat a close as skin on skin. Minds were one back then.
The quiet moment with a start as solitude makes me come to life and catch that breath before dream fades and finds its rest in memories. And alone I wake and sit up and search the dark as morning is far away and your touch is lost. That magic memory flows back to dust inside and polished now, I know not why, your memory floods back to me and time so long gone by, is haunted by your touch.
Your touch as oft felt and in that time so long ago, is felt as if it were just now and then the moment gone. I sit and catch that breath before it goes and I cannot sense your warmth. That warmth long gone and if ever genuine is never felt again. As time has cast that love to rocks as sharp as razorís edge and cut from me, that love wrenched away by others dreams and made to fit anotherís arms. You are lost to time.
That hapless me who held on to love, and matched its deep with painful torments as the years go by, in grief of dream and stuck to distant imaginings created in those days, where love was lost before it flowered inside me and never quite found its earth in you. I denied reality as dreams and romantic idylls flowed inside to passions thrall of you, and senses tell me now, you were as stone to evermore of me. And cold is this moment as dreams are cast and never shared by you.
In that outward solitude and now inside alone I grow to wake and see the dark of you. Far away and never part of me. You left me long before my love could ever touch your heart. And time shared had no consequence to future now in history. Sentenced to the gloom of forgotten lovers in the dark shadows where minds stir those conscious thoughts and feel nothing but their passing recollections as if a catalogue to history. No touch of love sparked in those collections kept, mere history and nothing left to feel as love was never deep to superficial pastimes gaze.
Yet in my deep as glorious, in your sketch to time is lost any touch to acquaint and keep as sentiment of love, just another touch to gloss the reverie we have in idle times.
And destiny would stop my wandering in your arms as yours would shun and keep you looking far and wide across those stormy times. Where no peace was found for you.
And in my solitude I see as silence broken in dead of night by my stirring to recollect those times, and feel that warmth as glorious again, is never quite as sure as now, I was alone, then and now.
Alive and far from me, I know you find your path. It wonít cross mine as wishes felt, and never can those times be made as dreams replayed inside me over and over again, for they were never from reality. Mere hopes to keep me safe from harm, till cold day broke out and killed stone dead everything you did or said. You killed me in your destiny and left me living with nothing, to touch my deep inside.
That scar inside breaks and weeps, it makes me stir in dead of night and then with reassured steps to the day, I let the moment fade to day where that lonely wreck is left to sit and make another day where peace can rest inside.
A day to make this present perfect come to life and let those nightmares slip away to torments touch in dead of night, silent is that callous why that cries out for answers never to come from you. As you never thought I felt this way, or if you did you ran far away, in case it left me scarred for life. Too late you ran too late from me, the damage was already done.
Keep safe and hold your lover close, for if you share my moment, it comes to all of us who have that passion deep inside where solitude can scream in silent pride and curse the day when you came as close and put to death a miracle, and imagination keeps a memory to grieving passions wake.
Till another time is born, and stillness of the night, and anotherís heart is felt a close as skin to mine, those haunting dreams and wishful thoughts sit in parody of life and loving, stricken with fantasy and grief, and let them wash to time and dust, ground out by present perfect time, where we hold to good and destiny, as fortune finds its way.
Let go of me and let me make this present perfect, imperfect day come good and move me to my love again. And when I love without those wounds, and hold my new love warm to deeps caress, you will be just a faded memory, and sentiment will let you rest, free from torments touch of me. And horror you made come true for me, will be forgotten for the present.
Feel nothing hopefully as time will rip and pass these thoughts to others souls. I must have done the same too, for love I felt and then let go. Our world of love, when it comes our way and then returns to haunt our conduct with our lovers, and how we are repaid in kind. Acceptance comes from me to you I wronged as love was learned that way, and now I understand complete in my living, just how careful we need be, to share with every love we meet and cherish moments, and honour each and every love we share or indifference touch will harden hearts and make us cold to life itself.
Be free of me and passions death, the grief I felt is not your concern, merely reckon as for me, your turn will come in time. Accept your turn as I have mine and recollect as lovers come our way, our impact on the deep of us is never lost. And cherish love forevermore as sacred as life itself or we are damned to grief and grieving evermore.
Copyright © Don Oddy