June 30th 2006

copyright© don oddy

~ Denial and Acceptance ~

today just for today

I can’t believe it! Here we go again. Smiles, its denial time and also acceptance. Sometimes the difference between denial and acceptance is difficult for in the acceptance of feelings we still have tough choices. It works in all sorts of directions when it comes to needs and wants and being with people. We can acknowledge feelings and have acceptance of them, we can love. And at the same time deny what the outcomes might possibly be. We deny the outcomes we might have beyond today. We deny there may be more to this than this one day where we love. And loving beyond the day may not fit with intent and destiny.

We might deny expression of feelings for today, in case we compromise tomorrows. That the tomorrows we might have do not include today’s love. We might feel there is something wrong to love and express it for today, for it will not be part of our tomorrows. That place of acceptance and denial it might still be there tomorrow, for it does not fit with what we know. That dilemma that plans are made and things said to let love become real and yet we put a stop hold it for today. But today is inevitable and true. Tomorrow has yet to happen.

We all have these dilemmas in our lives. We live today and live for today and just for today, yet today and its pattern is not meant to last. And as if it can last. We might delay and wait to see if things stay the same. They don’t for we shape tomorrow by what we do today.

If we deny the moment of now, we impact on our future, yet to be lived. We find our course is changed. That song with the words, “love the one you’re with honey” echoes and holds resonant with today. That song suggests we forget our past and get on with now, yet the past is not separate from now and shapes us now, and the bonds and love we develop. We might ask what we are right now, “don’t stop thinking about tomorrow”, another title comes to mind. And that other song title “yesterday”, we get to see that everything we do is connected.

Our past, present and future are always there in our expression, our risks and what we do. We have denial about past, present and future. We might be care with our real today, the ones we love and how we love them, near and so far, far away, yet as close as might wish, for indeed beyond wishes we love them already and what feels like always.

So when I consider all matters in the light of now, the cold hard facts and feelings of now. There can be denial and acceptance across a range of living. How I have predicted and was correct about certain matters of those close and in need. Of compromise and my difficult certainties that what seems a certain way is not, for they who deny are baffled by their intent as they are by their behaviour to fulfil not only needs but wants which drive them hard. And denial is a trusty tool, for in it we know where compromise leads, and never to clarity.

I am uncertain that others denial of obvious declarations are contrary to their path and mine. And in the light of my ever clearer picture I need take on balance all matters and let go the truth and see where next the bonds and ties of familiarity go. Without prejudice let the reality unravel in is own way and not stifle opportunity to let truth free, with due care and as I see now much forgiveness.

For forgiving is another key in getting to the truth. And letting others find their forgiving in their own living and behaviour. Behaviour which reflects where the inner spirit dwells, let us hope to release fear and not worry consequences yet. For the consequences are in my eyes a gentle process of illumination. And sadly not where others might deceive themselves and me. The denials and deceptions in motion close to me keep me aware, and with gentle reflection now my reaction has cooled from anger at their incomplete deceptions, have given way to measured response. Friendships are transparent as mere illusions and gifts of intimacy offered are predicated on my expression and intellect and experience. I am not untouched by these deceptions, yet those who initiate these harmful acts are not aware the extent of their own denial and transparency, for their wants are such and compromise so blatant to their true nature, they are blinded by the truth. That their falsehoods are clear. And yet they hope the deception holds long enough to fulfil those needs so strong, their want to get their way is lost in their denial.

Ends and means, and so deluded would hold to denial of the truth, for if they are undone, the aggression will surely tumble out my way and not where it began, inside them. History and experience will deliver truth a surely as today and I need not hasten its arrival. For in truth it will come out or the day will change their denial and so end dilemmas of compromise.

Tell tale wants pervade thinking and write large on their expressions face to face and voice is clear to untold desperate measures as using in this case me, to fix a constant problem makes them burn the truth of now. Acceptance and denial, hand in hand make good delusions path. For deluded we may all find compromise likely kills that which we desire as want drives and needs must.

As our devil and good conscience wrestle with their inner conflict tumbling into more turmoil, the dangers of discovery make for quick and witless and deliberate acts of contrition. Yet the want breaks down truth and lets it go. Letting go truth is some deal to broker with uncertainty that the plot holds to the good. And right now, today it is lost to truth.

Folly and predictions curse, as what we know might happen becomes the stuff of now, and we are proved right in our determinations made. So experience gifts and wisdom helps me with calamity so near. I hold to careful truth, and my truth dear to me. I need not join and let denial place ruin at my feet, as ruin surely haunts those who live with their deceits. Hold with care and forgive as we must share a little in this plot to remedy the truth. For in our remedy no harm is meant to last. I know where harm will rest and it is not with me…

I need not hurry matters.

Today, just for today I will hold to truth and wisdoms touch, and let others to their denials address whatever conscience makes it work for them, I will work to my good conscience nonetheless and let human nature take its course. Self will and grim determined grind is not my path, as spiritual steps need nothing to bind, and let my journey find its way. Indeed, the road to hell is paved with good intent. Denial, our prison keeps.

Acceptance is the key.

Copyright © Don Oddy

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