Chronicles January 2005
January 1st 2005
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~ haunting melodies ~
we cannot change a moment of past
let past rest easy in memory
New year dawns a world away, as we play catch-up in this hemisphere. Yet as this world turns
and moves on, we are laden with memory. Good, bad and indifferent we store memories
rightfully, to help us with this day, as memorable in our mind to the past and shaping our
responses to future days.
Rich and heartfelt moments, a catalogue, a library in which we indulge to form a view of
now. Our feelings for the day, our responses to what prevails. Seek out your happiness,
where it confirms your choices for.. 'the common and personal good'. Seek out your
similarity and immerse your presence in your world. Value our diversity and gifts, we share
them all. Enrich yourself and fellows with support and worldly experience.
Be patient as nature throws us off balance, makes living as tough as it gets, and work with
all Natures, that of Man, that of the Earth, our World as it spins beyond control. Work with
what is, today, and what might be? What might be is the infinite possibility of your life,
connected with every other, today and forever.
January 2nd 2005
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~ still those inner voices of doubt ~
Resolutions abound this time of year. Where remembering and memories make us think about old
habits and new beginnings. Our heads are full of history, and our feelings to improve our
lives sends us to dreams for our future.
Sometimes it is best to sit and let our voices go quiet. Pick a small fancy for the future.
Something which requires little thought or feeling. Maybe as we wake, we start the day, with
just a simple expectation? To expect nothing. To keep our mind open, to forgive everyone,
especially ourselves. And from nothing expected, comes something or nothing...
as has been said,’ the usefulness of any vessel is in its emptiness' and an empty head has
much room for the day, for love, for understanding and enquiry. Be generous to ourselves and
let in the day...
January 3rd 2005
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~ balance ~
When you have learned to balance silence and activity, you will be powerful.
silence, the master, activity the slave. It is a harsh feeling, to still voices, to silence
our fears, to marshal our inner feelings of security. There is everything on this earth to
push us to fear, there is little if any consolation where we feel secure from harm. Except
in our mind's eye. Security comes from not wanting. When we do not want, we are most open,
when we do not fear, we have huge capacities to listen to engage and absorb.
Silence of outer voices, quiet. Silence of our inner voice, often a choir of noises we hear
chattering away, they take time to silence. Silence the inner voices to where there is
little to hear but breathe, opens our mind to peace...
Powerful is the mind which enables silence, to hear the moment, to accept the moment as it
unfolds...
January 4th 2005
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~ great wealth ~
Even with a small bank account, the one who is contented finds himself with great wealth
Tough times around the world. No amount of money will ever put at ease the feelings inside
so many who lost so much. A person's wealth is the sum of their experience and the
experiences are not often what we would wish. Sentiments abound for survivors of the great
catastrophe, the Tsunami...
For a person shivering with grief, there is not much to offer from far away, for much of
what we feel and express through giving will be only heard and recognised a long time from
now.
We can do our best to support and help, and there will be the 'knowing' of what we did. It
may be years and generations who look back and see the consternation, the sadness and
immense desire to do anything to help. For those bereft and bereaved, a time of struggle, to
come to any sense of belonging to humanity again.
Humanitarian aid, the hardest and most fickle response in our forgetful world, let us hope
we do not forget.
The one who is most contented? Not one person on this planet will be content to see this
humanitarian aid squandered, or this catastrophe forgotten. What nature threw us, we are
powerless over, yet we have great resources to help those in hardship.
Our greatest gift to all our fellows in the world is our friendship as we are able to give
it. Our gift will come as timely to our understanding, and to each others understanding of
humanity....
January 5th 2005
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~ we all talk to god ~
our conscience is connected to our higher powers
I hope this does not sound strange. I often talk to my conscience. It might be my way of
sorting things to help me with others. I regard my conscience as my higher power. I also
think our conscience is directly connected to every memory stored inside us as instincts and
our connection to our spiritual senses, if you like our connection to God and good. And with
'good' as the source of these conversations then, we can consider all things worldly and
spiritual. A happy feeling for me.
January 6th 2005
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~ gratitude ~
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It
turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into
a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
January 7th 2005
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~ worthiness ~
Before I get any kind of advancement or promotion in life I need to have earned the right to
it. There are no free gifts in life nor are there any short cuts to success of a lasting
nature. Being worthy of any kind of responsibility requires an attitude of service to
others. I earn a right only when I have given cooperation to others from my heart.
And there it is written somewhat bold... cooperation is the only way, with a level and even
feeling for us all. Not with advantage or with capricious notions. With honesty and words
spelt out. We need each other to varying degrees and amounts to prosper. Since the dawn of
time, it is never one man's kingdom, it is society, with commitment and agreement which
brings out the best in us all. Advancement and promotion, these are heavy words if shouted
aloud for oneself, not so in a crowd, where collectively we advance to common purpose....
January 8th 2005
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~ deep self-respect ~
Spirituality creates the kind of deep self-respect that does not need praise or special
attention
January 9th 2005
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~ handles ~
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart
January 10th 2005
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~ fickle in life ~
marked by lack of steadfastness, constancy, or stability : given to erratic changeableness
In life, often we are fickle, touched by insecurity, sometimes surface, sometimes deep we
cannot fathom where this fickle nature may have root.
We have deep instincts to self preservation and we have learned responses from birth. Our
fickle nature resides within, holding us to the familiar, saving us from harm. Yet when
fickle takes over, we are immersed as if our toes just touch an ocean deep. Fickle keeps us
from our richness within and traumatised by the most fleeting touch of reality.
We may demonstrate how fickle we are to others when we don't hold them with esteem, for ours
is so shattered we cannot find our own self worth.
How many lovers, friends do we lose as the deep within remains untouched? Our lightness and
superficial wanderings keep tight our grip and fear. Our self, the inner loving one remains
desperate as our fickle nature covers up.
Attest with mendacity as fickle breath is shallow, and testament to pain manifests in our
ghostly glow.
Put down a tap root to knowing yourself one day soon and authenticate how much there is to
learn. It takes great courage to let go whim and clever intellect, and nourish our soul
without wit or rapier, that double edged cleverness of knowledge and application.
Encourage experience to dull the pain of loneliness, and become enriched with living moments
and dull the edge of daggers intellect.
The grime of living, gnarled wonderment abounds as we let in the tide of humanity...
January 11th 2005
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~ disquiet ~
As if to take away the peace or tranquillity of this day. Any remnants of past can bring
turbulence into the quiet of our reflection, and this day. I am reminded often of the hurt
experienced when a nightmare strikes home some fear and complication which I felt long gone.
Then an incident, something I see, I am captured and trapped, engulfed in a fire of anger
and anxiety. Nothing can touch those feelings of rage and bitterness. No amount of
examination pulls me from the fire and bellicose notions...
I will favour and be inclined to start quarrels or wars, I will, my will. Not good for a
sensitive being who wishes for peace and tolerance. A part of me lingers in a fire of untold
fury. Then in the writing of these words I am gifted with patience and recognise my will and
my desire will heap great volumes of hurt upon my inner being. I must let go of fury and
revenge, let go those damaging images from a hell, a part of my life, which churns as a
reminder of what I stand for. Humanity, that gift of knowing, so complicates, that in
essence we are all culpable and able. We can turn to good or bad, with such compelling
argument inside us. We can become that which we hold in contempt in our prosecution of
fundamental rights...
The wounded soul, so hurt by twisted nature, is lost if left to drift. We must attend to
nightmare's as we to our happiness, so inextricably linked to our freedom. Shared reflection
dismantles inner torture and free the mind for forgiveness.
We all need counsel, we all need the touch of humanity, we should seek it where trust lies.
Trusting ourselves to trust others, is never mistaken over a lifetime. Wisdom's touch is
acceptance...
January 12th 2005
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~ how little we know ~
In our own world we know most, and often when others are included it takes forever to share
enough of our world, they can join with us. Similarly, we have to get to know the world in
which 'they' live. Our common ground is what we share, our common ground is often something
we assume.
We assume our experiences are enough we can understand one another. We have common language,
we have similar experiences, yet our world's are apart.
Separate worlds so close and so different, our neighbours are not our intimates. Only those
we share day to day and year to year get close enough to comprehend our vastness and our
limited views of this reality.
We need patience, not assumption, we need enquiry, ambivalence and a multitude of approaches
to understand another's world. Indeed we need the same for our own. In these world's in
which we live, knowing ourselves is as fascinating as knowing our fellows.
Our world's may sometimes appear small, by connection and coincidence, be surprised how big
our world's are, infinite beyond any measure,
akin to the Universe....
January 13th 2005
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~ wonder ~
a cause of astonishment or admiration
It is with wonder we might look at our world. Wonder at the complexity and so too the
simplicity. How we exist is much to wonder at, and wonder also at the multitude of
similarities. There is complexity in all we see, and we can make it unmanageable easily.
Best to keep our wonder simple, not to understand everything, for this is impossible. Best
to appreciate and experience our world and what it offers today. Beyond this day is a
labyrinth, built on history and connections to futures we may only guess. Enjoy this day
with wonder, with enquiry and with verve....
January 14th 2005
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~ guiding light ~
In the midst of uncertainty, keep determination in your thoughts and that will become like a
guiding light in front of you.
January 15th 2005
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~ patience ~
Patience and more patience enable a closed mind to gently unfurl.
January 16th 2005
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~ seeing things truly ~
We tend to see things not as they are, but as we are. Becoming quiet and simple inside is
the first step towards seeing things truly.
January 17th 2005
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~ brotherhood ~
Brotherhood means understanding that a cry of pain means the same in all languages and so
does a smile.
January 18th 2005
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~ humility ~
Your happy and peaceful nature unlocks the door to success, and attracts the blessings and
respect of all souls.
The word humility has so many interpretations. I have my own like you. Yet we may agree on
some fundamentals. Humility is a way of living, we can be humble in our expression and we
can be humble in our outlook. Humility is having the knowledge and experience of life, to
take life on life's terms. To accept the day as it presents and to make of the day what we
can.
Humility and power, oft at odds and screaming conflict. Humility is when the conflict abates
and we manage ourselves through the day as it presents, not at odds, right sized and
connected....
January 19th 2005
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~ optimism ~
Optimism converts problems into opportunities
Without reservation? We can mistake optimism for denial. Denial that sentient quality that
keeps us alive when no other element of life will. Denial is the instrument of self will run
riot... a harsh place to live.
Without denial many would feel all elements of their life perish,
optimism and denial, cloaks relished for their invisibility, I see them, well worn and
cadaverous, pallid and etched...
beware mirrors of truth...
January 20th 2005
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~ forgiveness and tolerance ~
Forgiveness and tolerance are the hands of God in action. We need to join our hands with
God's and learn and do the same.
January 21st 2005
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~ ~
beware mirrors of truth...
January 22nd 2005
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~ ~
beware mirrors of truth... they need polish to reflect it so..
January 23rd 2005
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~ sometimes when we have no idea ~
We get strange days when we have no idea what is going on in this world. Our system is
overloaded with to many pieces of fascinating information. And we have no time for sorting
out our own day to day thoughts, because our heads are so crowded with information.
These really are days to let go of those things which we have no control over.
The world is full of woes, the world is full of pleasures and both are going on at the same
time. We need to bring close our own world events and throw out the hapless rest, for we
will drown in them. We may be aware of them, and give our best shot if we can through many
means. And still we must be still enough inside to collect our thoughts on today.
A day is 24 hours. Some we must give to others and their endeavours, sharing and being
caring to our community. Some we must give to daily chores around us. Some time we give to
ourselves for sorting and sifting and placing a modest amount of order to the day.
An activity for community, an activity for others, an activity for ourselves. All three
added on a daily basis, makes for small movements in our lives. And through a lifetime a
recognition of many outcomes lived, and outcomes that there may be still.
This puts in perspective, our predisposition to observe and be critical. To cast doubt on
difference and measure others defects. No man was ever made more perfect by our critical
eye, or our critical word. Society, community and individual growth is reliant on contact
every day, graduating our movement and understanding in an ever changing reality.
January 24th 2005
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~ the day of depression ~
It is this day which apparently marks the most depressing day of the year. For a change I am
less depressed than at any time I can recollect. I would not describe my situation as elated
or anything like 'normal depressed' according to any psyche assessment or questionnaire I
have researched in the recent past. I have depression like a dog has fleas, its been around
so long I regard depression as my normal.
I would love to shift my senses and emotional state to ordinary, it would make things so
much easier.
What is it like? Maybe its about time to admit how depression manifests, I hesitate always,
for people would have some empathy for it, but no time for it. I wish I could pull myself
together and march right out of it, I cannot. No amount of will or determination will pull
me or push me out of the anxious gloom. I have to sit tight and wait, as usual and wait for
what seems like eternity. A glum time.
January 25th 2005
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~ love ~
Love blinds us to people's faults but dislike blinds us to their virtues.
An observation on an inside job. We can feel love for others and see their virtue. We can
dislike others which means we see nothing of the good they have. Its the same with
ourselves. When we have love for ourselves, we are full of virtue. When we cannot love
ourselves, we cannot imagine or see any of our virtues.
The inside job...
to blind ourselves to the good parts, to only see the detestable, that is the inside job.
And it is this which hurts us, undermines us and undermines our picture of the day. It
happens....
A little it of hope, not amiss, yet inconceivable when gripped by self doubt. This too will
pass as time marches and seasons change. A reflection always, an image, the mindful mind's
eye blinkered often, hiding and searching for safety amongst our memories...
January 26th 2005
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~ lifetimes ~
can we experience it all in one lifetime?
A lifetime of experiences are second to none. We have lifetimes and no one can experience
our lives as we do. We are unique and original. And we are very similar. Similarities hold
us together in close or extended communities.
Our world is small in the big picture universe. Yet our world is infinite to us. Born with
aptitudes, shaped by our surroundings, our gifts and tenacity grow. Our ability to function
is broadened. Our heritage to the future is assured.
Of our heritage to the future? We experience it, and adaptive as we are, we pass it on.
How is our heritage doing? An open question....
January 27th 2005
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~ and if one lifetime is not enough ~
January 28th 2005
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~ fleeting moments ~ when brittle hearts snap and crack and soft hearts accept each new
moment as it is....
A funny thing is will power, we cannot bend any single one to our own. The might of
influence, be it powerful words or powerful physical strength, they have no sway. At best
there might be pretence involved, and so it seems we harbour wilful notions of Godly
qualities.
A happy truth we do have free will. And nothing can take it away. Free will is best accepted
for what it is. A self determined understanding with our world. Free will drives many to
distraction, for they and even I have at times determined not just for myself, but deluded I
might do it for others!
Inside my corporate head, is where freedom exists, nowhere else I fear, and fear I might
delude myself. I am glad I recognise I have no power over or sway of others. I would not
wish their own freedom lost..
We glimpse ourselves sometimes, power mad with intent and frustrated by others autonomy, a
glad reflection on this day, when just a glimpse was enough to know another exists...
happy moments as set free our mind travels with other frivolous notions to our own deity,
kept dreamy as we trundle through reality...
January 29th 2005
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~ meeting old friends ~
walking down a road, or a street, an old friend, a significant influence in our lives
crosses our path.
I met Danny a year ago, we spent several months in a dangerous place. He and I were buddies
to an extent. We walked a narrow path, learning about old Demons and new beginnings. We,
together with so many others during those months, paper thin caricatures. And we were all
held in the sway of disastrous mentors.
I met Danny yesterday as I walked through familiar streets well trodden in recent times.
Danny walking toward me, head down, cap firmly in place, anonymous to others as he crossed
the street toward me.
I hailed to Danny, he saw me and was shocked at first, he smiled as did I. We talked as
friends do, how are you, what's been happening and other stuff, I had not seen Danny for
eight months or so...
Chatting so well, we got to a coffee shop and spread out our news. He was doing well,
somewhat better than I had, I had some more tough times just after I left our common
lodgings with others still confused by the day to day.
So much in common and worlds apart. A friend indeed we talked for near to two hours about
people we knew. So there was good and bad news both ways...
What I know most is, that Danny is a gifted and most definitely a friend to have. Without
guile or pretence, with a smile and a story to cheer a person, with the reticence of life's
experience, Danny has no answers, yet helps a person find their answers.
An exchange of numbers, a possibility should it arise, and a coffee, or tea to cheer a day.
Friendship intact across a year of struggling and disaster, to quieter times of reflections,
in between stormy moments, friendship rests easy on the mind.
January 30th 2005
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~ perturbation ~
almost a celestial disturbance and spiritual challenge
We are often slow to let real worries go. We let them simmer and fester inside. We have fear
of those worries, the things which can hurt us for what might seem like forever. Our most
inner thoughts of worry are so big often, we don't see how small they are. A big worry can
pick away at our confidence. If we share that worry when it is bothering us, we can expose
ourselves to two things. First we might get understanding, and find everyone feels those
worries. Second we find another uses this to make fun of us.
We learn two things straight away when we share these feelings and worries. First is that we
are not the only one with these feelings and concerns. And second we find out who we can
count on as friends. And if they are not friends in their response, we find out sooner who
we might prefer to be with.
It was said some time ago, we keep our friends close so they help us. We keep our enemies
closer, so we may know them and what they do.
My view? Keep your friends close and be mindful of your unfriendly neighbours. Seek your own
enlightenment and confidence in truth, for indeed and in word truth will set us free...
January 31st 2005
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~ intensity of feeling ~
we all have intense feelings, we all live in the same place and time and we all feel
differently, especially feelings of love....
It took me forever to learn to understand my intense feelings. And when we consider how much
we rely on our feelings, is it surprising we all don't feel the same at the same time?
So many times, so many feelings. When we fall in love at first sight... Those crashing and
crushing moments, when a light appears and we are drawn as a magnet to our fundament of
love. And if we are struck and they are struck we collide with great happiness and joy..
More likely we see another who is as attracted to some quality we manifest and similarly we
feel those pulls. Love is in us and we expose ourselves to the opportunity to develop our
love with others.
And with time and sharing love grows inside us. It does, it takes time to confirm and
develop our feelings for others, as we show ourselves and our nature.
We use our imagination as we confirm our ties to others, accepting each other and
acknowledging our kinship as we understand each other more.
Time
we accept with time we move closer, our feelings and understanding help us become absorbed
in love at our own pace. Our pace of change and the depth and intensity of feelings.
Love me now, I would have desired, yet love was far away in another time and place. And with
heavy feelings we have often asked others not to love us now, or ever, or shrug off the
burden of love for us with a swipe of hand or word...
It is coincidence we happen upon love, coincidence, happenstance and serendipity, no wonder
it takes forever to understand our changes and our love...