Chronicles October 2004

October 1st 2004

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~ "Liberty, when it begins to take root, is a plant of rapid growth." ~

George Washington

I am pleased to welcome October in with thoughts of Liberty. Liberty means freedoms hard won and fought for in most democratic nations. Yet there has been a slide in the conduct of politics in all nations which has put liberty in jeopardy.

As the world experiences catastrophic explosions and turmoil brought about by the opposition to imposition. Those with liberty at the heart of their philosophy are struggling. They are struggling to keep a grip on liberty and equally important, a grip on truth and allegiance to democratic values.

There is nothing wrong with the process we have to establish order and democracy in most places who yearn for open government. But we do have some problems with leaders, impatient and wilful, set upon goals and targets within their lifetime. I wish they would glance at history more carefully, to understand the possible and practical.

If leaders would reflect on their own personal history, the enabling of change within themselves, their personal transformation and learning and experience..... this reflection would enable them to see the achievable and practical and not the potential, never realised in a vessel full of misery and hopeless recollections.

We are all in some form, at liberty, and the roots of liberty grow equal to their tending and nurture.

October 2nd 2004

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~ Reveal Yourself ~

The most powerful revelation we can ever experience is that of our self. It's been so long since we were totally open and beyond the fear of the possibility of hurt, that we keep our hearts and minds concealed from the world. Self revelation is not some kind of performance, or the seeking of attention - it is the outcome of the healing of our broken hearts - it is the result of many periods of introspection and meditation where we have seen who and what we really are, as opposed to who and what others have tried to make us. We are able to open and truly reveal ourselves when we see that all our hurts, all our pain, was self-inflicted. That's not easy to see, not easy to accept, but when we do, we realise no one can hurt us unless we let them. They can harm our body, but not our minds, unless we give them permission. This inner realisation allows us to be comfortable, unthreatened, safe in moments of self-revelation.

Me? I am a work in progress, I spent many years covering up and patching my esteem from living in the world of hard knocks. Better to be open to the pain, to heal and grow from self knowledge than self will which drives our thoughts away from qualities we aspire and don't yet have.

Simply, the revelation is forever.

October 3rd 2004

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~ Truth ~

'Where there is truth the soul dances.'

Truth so elusive, the hardest to capture in a moment of smoke. Ever changing and evolving, truth. I learned a truth today and I am glad a chapter is closed and gone. Never to be lost in memories, yet with time, clarity will fade. Let love encompass memories and chide me when I fall short, as hesitant gasps make pungent recollections deep felt, and forever companions. Where there is truth, so my soul will dance.

October 4th 2004

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~ no hard feelings? ~

No hard feelings, I guess for the first time in my life, I am learning about feelings which come from deep inside. These feelings are not filtered. They come from me without the filters of what people might expect me to feel.

It has been a long time since I can express my feelings without the influence of others and their views of what feelings should be. I seem to be shrugging off the expected feelings and letting my own out.

I don't feel this is unusual. We are taught what feelings to have, to show, to express through the differing experiences we have. I don't know why I left it this long to get in touch with my own feelings.

control
I felt from an early age I learned to keep my expression of feelings under control. I did not want to stand out. I reckon this was something I learned very early in school. Kids like me, sensitive, expressing happiness and sadness using my full emotional range was too much. I was taught it was better to keep my feelings hidden, to be modest in my expression. This allowed easier interaction with others. This was where my dishonesty began to myself and others. To control myself was a virtue. To express myself was an inconvenience. To express myself put others on the spot, expressing their own feelings too. And because a lot of feelings are negative to society, hiding them was a pretty good idea. Using my emotions as nature intended, well I guess I rarely did.
love
Love and affection are the basis of most emotions, I think and feel most who studied the human condition don't really want to acknowledge just how important love is. I know having studied and embraced love, just how hard it is to develop loving understandings with our world. It is easier on the human mind, to observe it and indulge in it just enough to a point where it does not hurt us. Love is something we have, intrinsic, believable even when we deny we love, we do.
inclusion
So we learn control, so we love even if we don't want to acknowledge it. And something else we do, is to include ourselves. Inclusion is more than just being included in things going on. We have different wants of inclusion with others, who have their own wants too. Inclusion is where we can express our love, and we control that expression depending on how happy and comfortable we are feeling.
being a kid
Being a kid, we learn really quickly where we need to control our feelings, being a kid is really a love affair with life, being a kid we have almost automatic inclusion to most of human relations. As time goes by though, we learn we are not always included and not always welcome. We learn love is something we get from certain people, we learn not to love some and to love others an awful lot more.
pain
So here I welcome my new feeling, pain. Emotional pain, so deep it can kill me, can wrench me from my world of love. Making me human and sensitive, developing my range and sensitivity to my world.

So many facets of cover up, so many things we can do to ourselves. So many feelings we wish to be able to share. And you know as well as I, the first things we do is most likely cover up those feelings. And I have some stories to tell.

October 5th 2004

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~ how big is my world? ~

Bigness, smallness, its all relative to what I choose to include in my world. I choose to keep in touch with things going on through the news and I choose to relate current news to history. Its a pastime, its important, to get a picture of the bigness of human doings. I learn from what is going on, it relates entirely to my small world, the me world, the one with ideas and philosophy. I choose bigness to be a part of my thinking, for my smallness is really quite insignificant.

We are all big and small and our thoughts and feelings relate to all that humans have going on within them. The leader of a country is big, is small, is subject to all the emotions, is accountable ultimately to every one of us. The notion that a stone cast into a pond ripples the water to the edges and returns and overlaps is much like a word spoken has resonance far beyond its initial impact.

When I congratulate you, when I berate you, when I love you, when I hate you, when I feel for you, I feel for me too. I am connected and caring. Often it is the behaviour we experience which leads to emotions surfacing, behaviour is the key to understanding, it is not the key necessarily to connection and caring.

We can love someone, and hate their behaviour, we can hate someone and love their behaviour. How so? In the moment we can recognise the good and the bad, we see beyond to what lies beneath. What lies beneath, forgives and sustains when behaviour is losing our belief in humanity and nature. Hard questions surface when the surface is skimmed away to reveal truth and the rawness of our humanity. The rawness of confusion and a wealth of history which prevails deep down nurturing or rotting the true me or you.

Awakenings to our inside will surely be challenged as the truth emerges of distress or happiness. We are complicated by nurture, nature kept it simple.

So how big is my world? It changes and shifts as news shifts comprehension, as values are enshrined as my mind is changing. I have no right to right. Bigness, as big as I can absorb, keeps me finding my smallness, rightsizing my thoughts and changing my mind.

October 6th 2004

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~ Self Responsibility ~

Let me take responsibility for myself and not have expectations of others.

This is a tough one, we become so enmeshed with the lives of others, we take on feelings of responsibility and we take on a whole lot more too. We forget sometimes that we are equal in power and equal to the life we have made.

The idea that others might have equal power, equal say, equality in general becomes a hazy fog as our lives develop. We think we know more, we think we have answers and we think we know best.

Often I have been caught out by my assumptions that I know best, when I know pretty much nothing at all. I have opinion, I have wisdom, and sometimes there is only one it may apply to, namely me.

Self responsibility is just that. I have no right or obligation to take responsibility other than for me and my actions. When I am successful, taking responsibility for me, it means I am enabling others to do just that too, for themselves. Enabling others to do well is another subject. Enabling others means I get my boundaries right. Enabling others makes me the right sized person. Neither too big or too small.

I will always be working towards this goal. I will always be learning more, and I will of course make mistakes along the way. Rightsizing myself is a daily task, sometimes conscious, sometimes with ease and without too much thought. It is so easy to trample down and overwhelm others. Best to tread soft as we walk, for toes of others are sensitive to big boots, are sensitive to all those times we and me in particular can tread hard without realisation just how it smarts when our feelings are hurt.

October 7th 2004

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~ Freedom ~

True freedom means to be beyond the influence of people and possessions.

Feels right, feels lonely, not really. Freedom is that something that remains in us. Freedom is actually around us and in us. We have the freedom to use what we are given by nature and nurture. We ameliorate and pay one way or another as the value of freedom gives way to other values we adopt.

An understanding of freedom is sophisticated, it becomes so because we are absorbed into the complexity of society. We need test our understanding and relevance through freedom if freedom in itself becomes a measure.

Measures and comparisons, prejudice and blindness to experiences far beyond mine for now. I would let go and become as suggested in Zen philosophy, more useful for my emptiness than full without room for new living.

October 8th 2004

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~ Speak Sweetly ~

Many words hurt more than swords.

Which is the opposite of the saying that sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me...

My experience is that physical hurts repair mostly, that some things beyond repair are compensated for, that I have not control over terminal things, but words stick and can hurt far more than swords.

It depends what they are, what we can understand and the context, but words are inner ponderings which linger and mither and sometimes fester for many a year. I really feel the need to be cautious these days, and to be clear on my understandings with people and the world. It is far too easy to wound and deflate, it is harder to repair damage we may never know of, concealed and imagined in others.

So softly may my words fall, and with care and due reverence for life and all it holds.

October 9th 2004

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~ Generosity ~

You are a natural bestower who thinks less and gives more.

It seems the recent days have been full of generosity of spirit and full of news about people I know. From the most surprising of sources I hear good news and bad. They balance in a way. I am sad that one friend is unwell, and another on track to wellbeing.

In the spirit of giving and doing less thinking, it is natural to many and me. In the generosity I have received, I am made more human and included. I feel better for les thinking about what if and why. I do still think and ponder of course, as due process requires.

Feelings are immediate, in our belly, in our minds eye, oft left silent and not expressed, our feelings need to be outward and shared. Something to be worked on, not elaborate, just enabled and out there, not in here, in my head.

October 10th 2004

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~ Sweetness Of Life ~

To taste the sweetness of life you must have the power to forget the past.

The world spins and tilts at the sun. We worship the days we have which are full of surprise and happiness. As the world spins we have so many sad moments to absorb as world events find themselves in turmoil. Turmoil’s of our creation, neither God or Nature or your higher power figures in the taints upon the world in which we live. We live with history, we live with every emotion and instinct. We have determined ourselves the equal of managing our affairs globally. And yet we do not, we let ourselves down, we do not share the opportunities and we do not enlighten those who most need enlightenment.

There are dark times ahead as this world careers with not much to stop it into a chaotic decade. Sleeping giants with thirsty needs watch the world stage as leaders forgetful of recent centuries, complicate and bedeck the media with troubles a plenty.

The sleeping giants, silent at this time, almost courteous to world players, sit with portent, intent unknown, but with clarity. Eagle eyed and patient, they await a time not too distant when we shall know them.

October 11th 2004

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~ knowing people ~

We know people well. We are people. The people. I was listening to a debate on the sincerity of people. And it made me wonder. The way people analyse how well they know. There was one expert on the use of words and the sincerity that people have. There was another expert in the use of words connected with debates society has regarding trust and loyalty.

The experts were trying to use measures of words and their use. The use of certain words and their context to trust and loyalty. It nearly made my head spin. These measures are arbiters? To judge the context and use of words is a presumption. For many who do not have the vocabulary of words use more fundamental measures and context is everything.

When people demonstrate their loyalty and trust by their action and not the use of words, we often get a better measure in hindsight. To suggest the intent is enough, and we use the suggestion with the judgement of our experiences to assume an understanding.

The context of the use of these words, namely their use by the leaders of political parties in the UK, means that trust and loyalty do not follow in those hearing them. For the experience to date is that none of them live up to their expressions by deed or action. De facto, I apply a pinch of salt.

October 12th 2004

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~ world events ~

A lot of sad news in the world today. Most beyond the control of the man in the street, the man on the Clapham omnibus as was once said decades ago.

The smallness of the world and its vastness, so difficult to make sense of it all to any extent is difficult. Yet most of those living in democratic countries do have some sort of voice. We have the right to vote and its our choice to use that right. And that right and franchise we see being extended further. Why not make use of your rights, and vote? I don't mind which way you vote, just vote for that which you prefer, that which you feel is right and that which fits with your life. Not too much to ask? I hope one day we will be practical voters able to use our franchise more effectively. We seem lost in consumerism right now, and its got me wondering where it will end.

We have everything in abundance if we choose wisely, we have nothing at all where we squander.

October 13th 2004

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~ expedience ~

Often these days we worry about what to do, we make a rash decision and live with it, its called expedience. We think we are right so we apply a heavy tariff on something or someone, to stop or let something happen, its expedient.

Expedience these days often means we do the wrong thing quickly and hope it works out for the best. If nothing else, life teaches us that considered and good choices come from thoughtful and strong emotional states. Many decisions in the world are currently expedient to the point of complete disaster. About time we slowed some expedient people down and got them into thoughtful and challenging forums where they are able to debate world events and actions more completely. Our expedient world is very vulnerable right now, and we are very close to events running out of our control.

October 14th 2004

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~ when I see violence ~

When I see violence close to me, I wonder what to do. To stop it is my first reaction and then come a thousand thoughts of .... More often its just containment to stop the violence in front of me and offer help.

So I put myself between the factions, and they don't listen and I get hurt. And I wonder why I did that. And I wonder why they would turn on me, who stopped albeit for a brief moment in time, the action.

When I see violence far away, or hear of violence, I bristle and wonder what can be done. Has our nature come to the fore, has our conditioning to be careful and not violent been overwhelmed by insane passions? I know I avoid violence at all costs. Maybe that leads to avoidance full stop. Something to consider.

Nothing is gained long term by violence, it comes back to us somehow in some form, usually a stronger violent force prevails. Better to use thinking and feeling and words. Yet there will always be that violent force somewhere out there. Waiting...

~ A Dance ~

By finding at least one wonderful quality in everyone, your life will become a dance.

Its been good these last few days, many people displaying their inner quality of humanity. It is rare and often easy to overlook the kindness shown, by just being present and aware. There are so many reasons to gather a negative feeling toward to the world, there are an equal number of reasons to be happy. Even when circumstances feel and are at their most difficult, there will be kindness and understanding. Even when we feel most alone, we are not and another will help the day along to the start of a new one and new beginnings.

October 16th 2004

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~ True Nature ~

Underneath everything, the true nature of every human being is kindness

This is our starting point, its what we might call our 'default' position. We are kind by nature and love is for most of us the first of life experience. Love is our most elemental self. It is that which grows, that which is nurtured and that which determines how we live in our world.

How love forms and shapes, is learned and how we learn is governed by others experiences. Emotion is where we start, and with time our thinking enables us to make choices around love. It is a long and never ending affair with life. And from love every other emotion is but a part. How we develop is a matter of the life into which we are born. And our capacity to feel our emotions is as complicated and complex as the days we experience.

True nature, love, not mystical, beautiful offering peace and tranquillity.

October 17th 2004

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~ Mind Matters ~

The most important part of you is your mind (not your brain - the brain is the hardware and the mind creates the software). Care for your mind, make friends with it, always feed it healthy food, engage it in positive activity, exercise it with knowledge and wisdom. Like a garden returns fragrance and beauty according to the care invested, so your mind will repay you with thoughts, ideas and visions of great beauty when tended and invested with care. Your mind is not made of matter but it does matter what you give it and what you create with it. Where your mind goes, you go. What your mind creates becomes your destiny.

And it is never too late to change your mind. Its never too late to find a moment where we change and become more complete and understanding of people and life. We can wander for decades with misshapen thoughts, guided by immediacy and by faltering notions of the good life owes us and not the good we give life.

I happened to listen to a story, not unusual and not readily shared, where life became unbearable to the point there was no life left to live. Yet in that collapsing moment of utter distress, where there appears nothing left to experience, a glimmer and a moment changes from the darkest of thoughts to understanding what living is all about. It is an experience, at once frightening, at once appealing, and once savoured, hope is found.

What happens next is a journey into the next moment of being, however short, however long, it is relished as the first breath taken. Without explanation, or measure a breath worth taking.

October 18th 2004

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~ Balance ~

Live in balance between the head and the heart by filling your feelings with wisdom and your decisions with love.

I experienced another loss. Fortunately it was just a telephone. This must be one of the most inconvenient things to lose these days. All my phone numbers. Strange, it has happened again and this does not really make me angry, its just a nuisance. It is also timely to be given such an easy loss, there are more coming this week. I lose all my possessions and that’s been difficult to manage. My head says why. My logic says because its a pile of things I cannot store or sustain. My emotions crack on mementos stored away. And my whole being recognises the most important memories which mean most are within me.

So my losses are not that great, my memories are great. If when we find ourselves losing all worldly goods, it is a lesson for that ultimate time of departure, when all we take is our spirit and hopefully the happiest of memories to another time.

I surprised many who saw the crime and not the inconvenience, saw the personal attack and not the fact that the person who did this probably cares not one jot about me, but faces something more pressing in their own destiny. We are all here learning every day what is meaningful and I guess those lessons are circumspect and long lasting. We can be forgetful of worldly clutter and keep our memories sweet.

October 19th 2004

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~ peace ~

Do not look for peace outside, for it lies within the soul.

I have adopted new ways of behaving more consistent with my inner values. And the rewards are astonishing. I always felt being open, honest, willing and fair are the best values to have. And today it proved to be so. In a completely litigious world, I stayed true to my values and I trusted to the Universe. And I am happy this time, because people given the opportunity work the same way as me. And I will aim for the same over and over. There will be times when this won't work and will need to work on myself, to see what must be let go. Letting go is the hardest and the easiest of things to do. Be guided by principle, understand the world as it is and above all get things in proportion, right sized for the occasion. And the occasion is life itself. Long may it be so.

October 20th 2004

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~ Help Yourself ~

Unfortunately these two words tend to describe the generally selfish and materialistic culture in which most of us live. They result not in self-help but in dependency. Our education and our role models do not encourage us to help ourselves to grow, change and expand our capacities as human beings. Real self-help means recognising that no one else is responsible for our thoughts and feelings, and that we are only ever victims because we choose to be. Our destiny is always and only in our own hands - despite all apparent evidence which may indicate otherwise. Learning to help ourselves is also a prerequisite to extending a hand of assistance to others. We all need a leg up from time to time, but once there, we are always on our own.

And I agree with the above expression of self help, it is properly understood with a caveat, that SELF WILL, will inevitably let you down. Self will, will block all that’s said so far. So don't mistake self help for self will, or that will power is the key.

Skill power enables us. If we learn skill and understanding, the development of life skills as they are fashionably called, help to make us empowered and enabled.

Willpower narrows our focus and can become enslaving and dangerous. Determined to the wrong thing can be as easily achieved. Enabled and empowered we produce the right outcome. Outcomes thus achieved, find agreement and enrich us and our world. There is a world of difference in empowering and will power. So hard to separate sometimes, so blindingly obvious at others, we need inclusion of others to know the difference.

October 21st 2004

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~ if ~

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise

Kipling, astonishing words, as is the rest of his poem of life. I learn more so everyday, the meaning of humility, acceptance and letting go. What learning it is, for it is and does genuinely open doors I never dreamed would open. To an understanding of myself.

~ Relaxation ~

If you want to relax, you have to work at it.

And work hard, and harder! It is the easiest of things to mask with slight mood alteration enhanced with a drink or any form of mood enhancer. Relaxation comes from an inner place of peace. Where we are able to find contentment in the moment. Where we have closure of idling nuisance thoughts, where we can float free of the day and its moments. To relax is to capture those elemental peaceful states of being, where the noise in one's head is quiet and solitude wraps like a warm blanket releasing all tensions and anxiety.

Bliss in a moment, savoured for a thousand years is remembered as sacred. Where capacity to be in that moment is complete. Not big, not small, right sized and equal in balance. A tip toe or see saw will end that moment, another to be found another time and place.

October 23rd 2004

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~ Become Prosperous ~

Make good thoughts the treasures of your life and you will become prosperous.

With all the international news souring the worlds media, it can be hard to find things which help us rise above chaos over which, most of us have no control. In fact the powerlessness we have can drive us crazy. Anyone with friends and a sense of community must feel the awful tug our politicians continue to put on us as human beings. No one in their right mind, sees suffering as an imperative. Least of all, now we have evidence daily of human atrocity and who is responsible. Justifiable interventions need to be a calm and a united effort to restore sanity where insanity prevails. We need backing from those who have responsibilities in the world, and the governing bodies in place do have legitimate rights to intervene in conflicts where they occur.

Some rightsizing needs to take place, there is a dire need for people in democracies to vote to uphold the common rights of man. That means voting for the right candidate, who upholds the rule of law, be it country or international. We have a real problem with legality, defence, honour and retribution. We are muddled and driven by malicious recriminations. We need to get real with our own thinking. We need to observe our legal codes and laws of civil society. We do not need to descend further into rabid and detrimental policies which augur well for the terrorist and deplete us as people. Use our democracy as it was built and intended, don't falter or look for the quick fix or knee jerk reaction, our laws and our humanity took generations to adopt, they can be snuffed out in the moment of torment, lost for an age we cannot afford.

We talk of the age of reason, we live in an age of torment.

October 24th 2004

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~ Balance ~

Steer easily through life by keeping a light touch on the controls, and a strong sense of humour.

Is life about balance? Often we find ourselves at the extremes of experience. Balance does not imply it is a natural or desirable state, but we do in many ways. We look for balance physically and mentally. It could be said that balance provides for stability in our thoughts and feelings, yet we exert ourselves to stretch our senses and in so doing, put ourselves out of balance. I am uncertain whether nature would intend balance, it feels like we might get stuck to be balanced.

Through our exertions we profit greatly, taking ourselves to extremes and then resting. So there may be some balance there, to know how far our boundaries stretch given exertion and then come back to rest. I guess we learn extremes are not sustained long term, for we cannot manage to keep up the pace at extremes, yet we flourish often by pushing out our boundaries.

Maybe the balance is learned, where we find comfort and comprehension, where once limits are tested we have grown and find a new resting place which is greater than before. So in balance, we find our boundlessness. Mind that stretch too far!

October 25th 2004

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~ similarities and not the differences ~

I was happy to listen to someone today, similar age, similar encounters with the world. I was struck how much we or I sometimes think my thoughts and feelings are different from those of others. In reality mine are not that different, albeit unique to my experience.

Yet the world over, my thoughts and feelings are quite the same as most people. How I see our world with all its magnificence, how happy much of the world makes me and how sad I can feel where the world is in turmoil.

Someday, a long time from now as we evolve and nurture implants more learning in our template of humanity, we shall see a golden age. As with all ages, golden exists should we choose to share in it. Spirits move us and we move on...

October 26th 2004

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~ Manage Emotions ~

When the energy of our consciousness is out of our control - the mind is agitated. We are being emotional. The solution is to detach from the inner storms, stand back and observe the hurricane pass. Detached observation withdraws the energy which your emotions require to sustain themselves. When you watch your own anger, it dies. If you don't detach from it, and observe it ...it will be your master. Today is the day to practice positive, detached observation, and each emotion-filled moment is the opportunity. This is 'real' work. The work of one who is a master of their own consciousness. Are you a master or a slave?

It really is a beautiful morning here in London UK. The sun is shining, hardly a breath of wind and the cold air of winter is ripe in the atmosphere. Gleams of sunrays and shimmers as wispy clouds are floating up high. Its uplifting and the calm is here before the days of gales and storms ahead. There is something peaceful about the City. Its one of those days where anything feels possible and the people are wrapped ready for the changing conditions.

I am glad that in my small world nothing is too out of place, I can appreciate the day and people as they are. Nothing much needs changing and I can see things I would enjoying. A bit of manual labour, some thinking, some flirting with women I know nearby, a decent cup of coffee, time to reflect. And mostly beyond the writing of today, discussion and opinion sharing. Work, its happening slowly but surely, coming my way and welcome.

October 27th 2004

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~ Living Proof ~

Your life, not your words, is the proof of your spirituality.

And today has been an exceptional day. I spent a lot of time with a friend this morning. We talked the hours away. Just a long discussion on the meaning of life and elemental nature. And it is so good to keep contact in the realms of philosophy and belief. Not sure where science and spiritualism rest in these discussion, I feel they would be beleaguered and far from home.

Sometimes we need to be mindful and not be hostage to opinion and prejudice wherein our comfort lies.

October 28th 2004

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~ nearly all hallows ~

things that go bump in the night... plenty of those happenings where I live today. From the street to my neighbours, there are loud and oft strange sounds. My mind filters those with ease.

Yet there is more to this earth than I can perceive and it is a debate long running inside me.

I met a devout man, with prayer uppermost in his mind, and with so broad a notion of licence, his skulduggery is not amoral, its immoral. He has so many conflicts inside him, he cannot possibly separate out so many diverse patterns of behaviour and hold consistent inner values. He is in pain so great its palpable. I don't yet know when or how to engage and enable some meaningful discussion. Time will tell, it will be days waiting to hear even a breath not held with fear, before this man opens to a new life.

October 29th 2004

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~ strange times ~

I wonder how things are sometimes. In most respects my personal journey is progressing. There are flashbacks to recent times and events which still trouble me. Concerning the conduct of others. I hesitate and make reference infrequently to others conduct, for I am on a journey which predicates much on not taking inventory of others.

Taking inventory, evaluating efficacy and efficiency were a greater part of one career I have despatched to history. The qualifications I was awarded to carry out the roles within that career are still good today. I also have tendencies to care for others, again not always considered a useful quality in the current circumstances and the problem of people pleasing naturally is conjoined albeit an entity or quality in its own right.

I get flashbacks to behaviour so maladroit, I fair boil in indignation. Incompetence in the field of social care is not appeased by any qualities I may exhibit in therapy, when the therapist is unable to achieve their goal. Incompetence in psychotherapy and their practitioners is never welcomed and often is misguidedly assigned to a deficiency in the subject, not the ignoramus who applies their craft with disastrous results.

I get nightmares where this has occurred and I am witness. And if in any doubt I have had feedback so similar from others who suffered because of inept and incompetent therapy, I do trust to my senses and theirs, that profound harm was done to some and misdirection was endured by others. This hidden malfeasance practiced under the banner of therapy, that a group who were described collectively as sick, sick as parrots, endured extreme prejudice and abuse.

It is no wonder when I hear that easy and obvious errors were overlooked, as judgemental emotionally inept counsellors strutted and pontificated and dispensed dangerous pernicious deliberations on their prey, the sick and bewildered, that some died. And they did not die as a statistic of their malady, they died because of incompetence.

I am glad that I am out their grasp. For I would have them despatched back to school to learn their craft anew. Sadly though, to suggest them being schooled implies they have the potential and capacity to work in therapy. I would challenge their competence to pass the grade for application let alone to comprehend their subject. Shysters, pettifoggers, at best misguided buffoons with years of experience doing and not healing, misrepresenting and stultified, negligent, narcissists wallowing in their own flush of abstention. Tolerated in charities, they make day-care a daymare.

Imagination, that cruel construction, suggesting competence to the untrained eye, maybe the devils deception, for man or woman, on a mission.

October 30th 2004

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~ Saturdays ~

Its the American Presidential election on Tuesday. The two main candidates are fighting themselves and each other. Bin Laden made a video appearance which apparently made no impact on the voters, so we are told. I think he has. He has made America aware that even tho' they are the biggest superpower and have the greatest influence, they have failed to stop him and he, alive or dead still holds sway in America.

Either candidate has a job in a very difficult time for most of the world. So many people are blatantly left wanting by the world economy and blatantly, America still uses corrupt practice to secure economic advantage. The world is not blind.

Americans would be shocked generally if they were more aware. They have strong moral codes, subsumed under the greater good it feels it dispenses, via aid and other charitable acts. Behind this facade which the American public are least aware, the rest of the world is suffering from American activity.

Saturdays oft are busy for most who are part of the economic mainstream. Working or relaxing and thinking about their day. And not at all conscious of the changes coming. There are big problems, growing unabated as big players are marching on to the global stage, with stealth as a vacuum creates opportunity. China, the giant we hear least of, is biding its time. Other powers dwell in the short term as strategic thinkers in the west, blunder around in the present, confounding most with their day on day mismanagement.

If this worlds events are a book, those who author the current events we experience will be seen as ineffective blunderers ripe for plundering as new might flexes in the shadows...

October 31st 2004

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~ Complete Everything ~

A task left undone remains undone in two places - at the actual location of the task, and inside your head. Incomplete tasks in your head consume the energy of your attention as they gnaw at your conscience. They siphon off a little more of your personal power every time you delay. No need to be a perfectionist, that's debilitating in an imperfect world, but it's good to be a 'completionist'. If you start it, finish it...or forget it. Do it - or dump it!